The Best and Worst of WWE Capitol Punishment

By: 06.20.11

Best: Randy Orton vs. Christian

Randy Orton and Christian have good-to-great chemistry together and put on another great match, but three things:

Worst: Christian Can’t Even Beat a Guy with a Concussion

The announcers were playing up Christian’s failure to beat Orton as the last of his championship opportunities, and hey, if he can’t beat a guy who has a concussion, why keep giving him chances? The smarter thing (I think, as a guy on the Internet) would’ve been to have given Christian the win relatively easily here, with a Killswitch at about the five minute mark, and shock the WWE Universe. Then you’ve got the belt back on Christian while Orton gets fully healed up, and he can come back and make the realistic claim that Christian lost to him twice and only won when he had a concussion, but now he’s back and ready to HEAR VOICES or whatever and personally RKO Christian to the gates of Hell.

Instead, Randy Orton is better than his top challenger without a working brain. Well, there you go. A huge posterboard reading SPOILER: ORTON WINS.

Worst: Concussion Angles in General

Maybe I watch too much TNA and have seen too many Mr. Anderson matches (one of those things is true), but concussion angles should not be used in pro wrestling. Not because they’re “taboo” or whatever, because if you can write an angle around a guy getting attacked in the parking lot by a gang of rich Southerners who then break his hand with a baseball bat, you should be able to write about concussions.

The problem is that they aren’t really interesting, and the only thought you have when you hear someone has a concussion is “well, I hope they get better soon.” A guy breaks his arm, I’m gonna be all YEAH GET IN THERE WITH THE BROKEN ARM AND KICK HIS ASS. If he has a concussion, all I can picture is Chris Benoit hanging from gym equipment with a runny brain, and I’d rather keep that out of wrestling as much as possible.

I would also like to keep Mr. Anderson out of wrestling as much as possible.

Worst: Christian Needs a Character

He’s a great wrestler and performer, but even Edge had the “ultimate opportunist” and “rated-R superstar” things going for him. What does Christian have? A self-given joke nickname from eight years ago? Try describing Christian to your friends. “Uh, he’s a Canadian guy and he’s Captain Charisma, and he used to be Edge’s brother, and he used to be a vampire.” That’s it. He needs a hook, or a motivation, or something other than “whimpering guy who loses”.

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