Worst: No More Sympathy Bests
The ship has officially sailed on Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler won the United States Championship at Capitol Punishment, then defended it in a 2 Out of 3 Falls match on Raw. I assume these guys will be wrestling for the title on this week’s Smackdown, on Superstars, on internet-only NXT, and then again on Monday. I don’t ever want to see it again. Ever. I would rather have my home invaded than watch Kingston wrestle Ziggler again. I don’t care if they’ve worked out a logical sequel to Steamboat/Savage and want to work it for half an hour in the main event of Wrestlemania. I will text “b” for Kelly Kelly until you make it stop.
You are both solid in the ring and I like watching you take rag doll video game bumps on everything (I especially love Dolph’s Heath Slater-tinged sell of the Trouble in Paradise, where he spins in place and dies), I want you both to have constructive, happy wrestling careers, I just want you to have them the hell away from each other.
I’m not kidding. If they wrestle again, an entire page of Best and Worst is just going to be curse words and a picture of me taking a sh:t on my television.
Best: 2 Out of 3 Falls is Pretty Cool, Though
I think 2 Out of 3 Falls is the only good stipulation on the night. “Power to the People” turned out to be an American Idol affair, where sure, we get to vote on who we like best, but it’s between a secretly-35 year old rocker belting out a Lit cover and a teenager with a poodle’s haircut covering “Black Velvet”. If power was really to the people, “body slam match” would never be an option. Give me Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella in a Cole Miner’s Glove match, I’m begging you.
Worst: Learn From Tony Schiavone
Oh, God, they did a 2 Out of 3 Falls match and had one of the falls take place during the commercial break. Remember that week when the production team went to commercial during the entrances instead of in the middle of the match? Yeah, they don’t. The Internet loves to revisionist-piss on Tony Schiavone for the “asses in seats” comments and for calling everything a modified side slam, but Tony was always gracious enough to say “we’ve got to go to commercial break, fans, but the cameras are rolling, so if anything happens during the break we’ll show you when we return”. Then, of course, nothing ever happened during the commercial break, but it always, always made me think “man, I hope nothing happens during the commercial break!” and I’d stay tuned.
They just don’t give a rip anymore. They come back to a people-chosen TITLE MATCH on Raw with a “welp, Kofi lost this first part to a dropkick”.