The Best and Worst of John Anderson “Money in the Bank”
Best: Country Music Videos Are The Most Literal F**king Things Of All Time
When John Anderson says “I wish I had a bass boat and a Z-28” there is a 100% chance that his 1993 country music video is going to have a bass boat and a Z-28 in it. I don’t know what happened to country music, but everything post-Garth Brooks and pre-Kenny Chesney was a terrible kind of great and so easily understood via visual narrative. Nowadays you’ve got to see Sugarland be “cute” and “ironic” when they’re singing “Stuck Like Glue”. In 1993 their asses would’ve been lying on the ground in a bunch of glue.
I wonder if the most difficult part of making videos for CMT in the early 90s was coming up with ways to express abstract concepts like being “better than” something. You basically just have to have John Anderson look at a woman, look at money in a bank, then back at the woman and give her a thumbs up.
Worst: Is that Rebecca De Mornay?
I just realized I have no idea what Rebecca De Mornay did between Risky Business and The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. I know what she did before that (she appeared in Francis Ford Coppola’s One from the Heart) and I know what she did after (make me want to have sex with my friends’ Moms). Maybe she was hooking up with John Anderson. We will never know.
Worst: The Logistics of a “Money Machine”
Two major theories regarding this video’s Money Machine trade:
1. John Anderson made a good decision not trading his girlfriend for a Money Machine, because we are defined by our personal relationships and even a legitimate Money Machine would raise questions about counterfeiting and proper taxation.
2. The man in the video didn’t invent a Money Machine at all, he just stood next to an ATM and tried to get stupid people to let him have sex with their girlfriends.
Either way, John Anderson comes out of this looking good.
The Best and Worst of Lil Scrappy “Money in the Bank”
Worst: The Little Pissant Dog From Scooby-Doo?
Okay, I can’t do this joke anymore.