Best: If Punk Loses, We Riot
Nothing can be said about last night’s main event.
Okay, some stuff can be said. You know how dumb it is that WWE makes guys look like assholes in their hometowns? Or that thing where somebody like The Miz comes out on a Cleveland show and gets a big reaction, but spends the next ten minutes running them down to get them to boo him? This is what happens when you don’t do those things. Sure, Punk has done the “each and every one of you” bit in Chicago, but never so severely that you thought he hated Chicago itself. He just hates a bunch of the people, because he hates a bunch of EVERY people.
Everything worked. How often do you get to say that? Say that and really mean it, I mean.
The wrestling was exceptional. The submission sequence late in the match where Cena turned the Go To Sleep into an STF, only to have it countered into the Anaconda Vice, was as good as wrestling gets. It was akin to — and please note, I’m saying “akin to” – Kobashi and Misawa, building on their previous encounters to make something special (and most importantly, logical) out of this one. The emotion was perfect. Punk wrestled passionately, recklessly, like the underdog. Cena wrestled coldly, callously, going through the motions like the dynasty of a man he’s become.
The time. The glorious, glorious time. Almost 40 minutes. WWE matches don’t go 40 minutes unless that’s the point. They’re like “tune in for the 60 minute match we’re doing!” This one just happened to go that long, because it had to. The crowd. The crowd was with them every moment, from CM Punk’s staggered entrance to the thunderous Cena boos (which he deserved, which I don’t say often) to every transition, every “botch” that led to something better. It even had Cena holding the belt over his head against a defiant crowd in what I’m going to consider a better homage to Cena/RVD than the “we riot” signs.
You don’t need me to overstate this. What good would that do? I’m not giving it stars. I’m telling you it was a f**king exceptional pro wrestling match, and possibly the best one they’ve produced since … well, I’ll let you decide that.
Best: Chavo Guerrero Is Full of Sh*t
Chavo has been running his mouth on Twitter about how John Cena can’t wrestle, retweeting literally everyone who says something nice about him. Most of them involve Chavo being a great wrestler who never had a bad match.
A few realities:
1. Chavo blows. Name something great he’s done that didn’t involve someone better than him to whom he is related. Give up? Because there is nothing. Nothing great. He can’t do the frog splash right and he’s spent the last five years getting pops for a triple suplex his dead uncle made work by being awesome.
2. If Chavo was good at something he wouldn’t retweet everything suggesting he’s good. Why do you think I retweet everyone who says “Best and Worst of Raw is great”? Because I’m a needy-ass blogger and I need people to tell me I did a good job.
3. I don’t want to do the “John Cena is rich and successful” thing, but John Cena is a 10 time world champion millionaire and he never had to dress up as a mascot eagle or sell for Macaulay Culkin.
Are you really going to base what you think is or isn’t good about wrestling by how many moves somebody does? What’re you, 14? Grow up, and think about this harder. Chavo, you are the worst wrestler with that name, and that includes Vickie and her foxy daughter (pictured right).