Worst: History’s Worst Clotheslines
I don’t want to keep ragging on John Morrison every week, but during last night’s WWE Championship match he did two things I can’t seem to get over. You know how Morrison badly injured his neck a couple of times and it kept him out of action, so whenever he sells he brings his arm around and holds his neck, and all of his opponents work the neck? Yeah, when that happens you shouldn’t have a Russian leg sweep be one of your comeback moves. It’s like when guys spend 15 minutes hitting Rob Van Dam in the back, and as soon as he starts coming back he does Rolling Thunder and hops around like nothing happened, but he holds his stomach on the frog splash. I hate Rob Van Dam. Don’t do what Rob Van Dam does.
The second thing (or things) were those impossibly terrible clotheslines he was throwing when Del Rio flipped over the top and crawled back into the ring. Holy SH*T those things were terrible. I really tried to come up with something worse to jokingly compare them to, but no, Kelly Kelly’s old jumping clotheslines where she’d tuck her legs up and hit you with her wrist looked like they hurt more than these. When wrestlers miscommunicate and accidentally bump shoulders off the ropes and kinda stumble sideways until somebody punches to get it back on track? THAT looks like it hurt more than these. Seriously, look at his body weight. I know you can’t really process how things look from the hard cam when you’re supposed to be bumping, but Jesus, Del Rio should’ve just no-sold it and smacked him in the face.
And while we’re on the subject, when did Morrison decide a double-leg takedown was one of his moves? Del Rio should’ve sprawled out and countered that horsesh*t in about half a second. John Morrison needs to drop out of those improv comedy classes he was supposedly taking and enroll at the goddamn CHIKARA Wrestle Factory.
Best: Del Rio Already Looks Better Than Miz, Swagger Or Mysterio
This isn’t another fellated Best for Del Rio, but for the way he’s been handled as champion. The Miz held the WWE Championship for 163 days, and his only victories in that span were disqualifications and Alex Riley Guardian Force summons. Jack Swagger held the World Heavyweight Championship for almost three months and I can’t recall a single thing bout it. Rey Mysterio gets worse when he holds a title, transforming Vulture Squad style from a guy who never loses into a guy who never wins, jobbing to the Great Khali like so much Caylen Croft and losing to Perfectly Fresh John Cena on the same night as his title victory.
In the last eight days, Alberto Del Rio cashed in Money in the Bank to defeat CM Punk and become WWE Champion, but he’s also defended that belt in good-to-great-to-John Morrison matches against Rey Mysterio (last Monday), Daniel Bryan (on Friday) and John Morrison (last night). Like Michael Cole said, that’s a career for some people, and in a week he’s brought more legitimacy to the WWE Championship than any amount of shoot promos and non-title losses to folks could hope to. I’m one of those guys who thinks I should have to pay to see the WWE Champion wrestle WWE Championship matches (especially in an era with no direct competition and no need for crash TV), but if he’s going to compete on every show, he should be pinning believable mid-card guys like Bryan and Morrison, and not hoofing it in makeshift STRANGE BEDFELLOWS tag team main-events.
Or losing to the Great Khali.
Best: Logan Should Eat Sh*t
I’m hoping this sign made the show as insurance, so Logan would never admit this Raw was about Jackson.