Weird & Creepy: King Finds A New Wife!
I wonder if someone backstage found the Kat’s old costume and decided the best way to get Jerry Lawler to stop playing Angry Birds and actually pay attention to what’s happening would be by playing to both his perversion and his senility by dressing Rosa Mendes up like his ex-wife and having her shimmy uncomfortably in front of the announce table for like twenty minutes.
Best: Jimmy, Can You Teach Me To Dance?
I’m not gonna sit here and claim to know anything about Samoan heritage, dancing or the symbiotic relationship between the two, but if I were to hazard a guess I’d probably say that “attempting to maintain synchronicity in a tandem routine” has to land somewhere within the spectrum. To be fair, I don’t know which one of these guys was throwing off the rhythm, but I’m gonna go with Jey, since at no point during their routine did Jimmy half-stand like a doofus with a goofy “oh we’re still doing this” look on his face before squatting back down and attempting to slip back into the motions.
Worst: “Primo Is The Son Of The Legendary ‘Who Cares?’ I Sure As Hell Don’t!” – Michael Cole
Close call everybody! For a second there I was worried we might actually have to learn something relevant to the performers we were watching! Thanks for staying on top of things for us, Mike. It was getting scary
Worst: Santino Got Fa-Haaaa-Haaaaaaaaat!
I don’t know if it’s the unflattering singlet, the burgeoning bloatee or simply the result of being a professional wrestler who tends to not do very much professional wrestling, but Santino is about a greasy mullet and an infinite void of comedic talent away from becoming Danny McBride’s non-union, Mexican equivalent. I’m not necessarily against the idea so much as I’m bummed out by having to watch the transformation unfold week-by-week. Like, after last week they should’ve kept Santino off television for a month or two so he could devote the time required to properly becoming a scumbag.
Best: Josh Mathews Is A Little Douchebag
I loved this segment. Josh Mathews is interviewing Big Show about winning and losing the belt within the span of two minutes. Big Show is doing his best to maintain a labored sense of propriety, because even though he might have lost the title last night, the amount of taint sweat harvested during his match with Mark Henry was enough to open a new pool at the Bergin, New Jersey YMCA. So instead of just letting it go, Mathews obliviously calls Big Show a loser and stands there like an asshole until Big Show replies with a “thanks, dick,” tells him to look up the meaning of the word “tacit,” and walks away.
Either Josh Mathews can’t read social cues and needs to be screened for Asperger’s or he’s the WWE version of that kid in high school who’d blithely call attention to the fact that you were desperately trying to finish a homework assignment three minutes before the bell rang. Burn in Hell, Chris W.