Worst: Cena And Rock Didn’t Say Anything And I’m Tired Of Writing About It
I’m happy that this is the last time I’ll have to hear them complain about each other.
During last night’s Main Event Talking, exactly one thing of interest was said: if The Rock wins on Sunday, he’ll be the only guy in WWE history to defeat the biggest draws from each of the last three major eras — Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin and John Cena — in matches at Wrestlemania. That’s interesting, and way more reasonable (and compelling) than the vague I HAVE TO BEAT YOU TO BE THE BEST thing he’s been shouting about all month.
That was it, though. Besides that one plot point it was just more of what we hate about Rock and Cena … Rock hit a few catchphrases, got a scoop of bullsh*t trending worldwide (a Betty White joke? Seriously?) and substituted aggressive chest pointing for legitimate human emotion. Cena smiled and derp-voiced his way through some stuff he’s already said, mentioned his love of THIS BUSINESS~ and got all serious-faced when Rock said he was gonna beat him up, as though Cena still isn’t expecting the guy he’s wrestling at Wrestlemania to say he’s gonna win.
I’m just really tired of writing about it. I hope you’ll join me on #TeamF**kThemBoth, and if Wrestlemania ends with a schmozz to set up a rematch or a Once Before, Happening Again tag thing at SummerSlam, I hope you’ll also join me in dismissing this effort with a colossal wank and settling back into that nice Internet thing where we cheer CM Punk and complain about Daniel Bryan losing.
Best: Wrestlemania Reminders
As I’ve mentioned a million times before (because AHHH), I’m going to be at Wrestlemania. If you want to meet up with me and say hi, buy a t-shirt, take some pictures where I make a worker fist because I don’t know what to do with my hands, whatever, here’s my weekend schedule:
- Ring of Honor’s iPPV on Friday
- WrestleReunion on Saturday morning
- WWE Fan Axxess with all the NXT and lowercard guys I love (the Funkasaurus!) because all the top guys will be at the Hall of Fame, and going to the Hall of Fame induction ceremony for a fake sport’s non-existent Hall of Fame with no observable induction criteria is a dumb waste of time.
- WrestleReunion again on Sunday morning as soon as they open to run in, meet Vader and leave
- Miami Marlins vs. New York Yankees at Marlins Park on Sunday afternoon
- Wrestle-style Mania on Sunday night in section 138
Later this week we’ll have a Best And Worst Of Wrestlemania X-7 report up (look for it on Friday), and I’ll be updating from the area all weekend with on-the-spot coverage, special guest interviews and more. It should be good, so if you aren’t in Miami, be at With Leather.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
This is the way the Raw ends, not with a bang but a promo.
MrsTHESTINGER, as set up by Dagmar Jones
Think of the Funkasaurus! He’s just gotten over the last one!
WHEN ARE THEY GONNA GET TO THE FIREWORKS FACTORY?!
Stone Cold Jane Austen
At some point on sunday, I would like R-Truth to yell “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” at David Otunga.
Anyone ever notice that Booker T’s entrance music is stolen from the Nick TV show “Guts”?
CM Punk was born in Kenya.
fun fact: Maria Menounos is training Kelly Kelly for Wrestlemania.
Space Monkey Mafia
I want a woman who will take a kick to the face from an angry Irish albino for me.
The Waffle Mafia
If Bryan is True Neutral and Kane is Chaotic Evil, how do they coexist on the same team?
Second City Saint
He’s the anti-HBK.
He’s the Show Staller! The Curtain Jerker! The Bathroom Break Kid, Randy Orton!
If The Rock can get the approval of a Greendale Alumnus like Luis Guzman, that’s good enough for me
That’s it for this week. See you in south Florida!