Best: Daniel Bryan Versus Jerry Lawler In 2012
I’m not ashamed to say that I marked out a little when Jerry Lawler was announced as Daniel Bryan’s Beat The Clock opponent, and not just because of Bryan’s amazing reaction to getting a free ride into a WWE Championship match via an 89-year old who used to be friends with Batman.
Lawler as a character and announcer is one of (if not the very) worst people in WWE, but Lawler the wrestler has never suffered. He can still go, assuming he’s not in the ring with someone like Michael Cole, and seeing the King Of Memphis Tennessee going up against a former Memphis Championship Wrestling Southern Tag Team Champion 12 years later is pretty outstanding. I would’ve liked more than three minutes of action — they should’ve wrestled to a television time limit, if that was still a thing — but it makes sense. Jerry Lawler shouldn’t be able to last much longer than that against YES! era D-Bry … I just wish they’d found a way to drop that fistdrop into the Yes Lock.
BEST: Finally, The Fan Service Feud We’ve Been Waiting For
YES! YES! YES! YES!
I considered just typing YES 400 more times, because you don’t need me to tell you how f**king awesome it is to finally have a formal Daniel Bryan versus CM Punk WWE Championship feud happening. We got our first tease of it ages ago when Punk was on commentary and stood up and applauded for Bryan after a match, and then certain people sat criss-cross applesauce and tricked Jim Rome into temporarily believing wrestling was real and certain other people took a year to get beaten in 18 seconds and turn into the most popular dude in the company, but here we are. American Dragon is gonna wrestle CM Punk in a championship match on pay-per-view. Samoa Joe and Austin Aries are gonna go out for nachos and sleep with the same eight girls they’ve already slept with in Orlando. Low Ki’s play some DDR and turn in early.
I also love that these two guys could get a feud going by just having Punk come out with the belt over his head and Bryan just yelling YES at everybody. Good wrestling writes itself, folks.
Worst: John Cena Is Hurt And Has To Take Time Off, So Here He Is Wearing His Gear And A Sling And Makin’ Some Jokes
I’m surprised he didn’t open the show. So uh, your arm is in a sling, right? I’ll buy that Cena’s street clothes and wrestling gear are the same thing and he just wanders around looking like that because he’s a colorblind square, but why is he wearing kneepads?
The best theory I can come up with is that he brought his bag to Raw, and his bag is just 1) shoes 2) jorts 3) t-shirt 4) hat 5) 8 wristbands 6) kneepads, and he’d taken everything out already and didn’t just wanna leave a duffel bag with some f**king kneepads in it lying around in the locker room. Randy Orton’s at the show, after all.
Worst: So Did Cena Beat Brock Lesnar To Build To John Laurinaitis?
As much as I want to see John Laurinaitis go all King’s Road on Cena at Over The Limit, I didn’t like the final segment. I tolerate-to-love everyone involved, but I don’t understand why Cena beat Brock Lesnar, announced that he’d take a bunch of time off, show up to Raw the next night agreeing to a match anyway and get paired up with an authority figure who never wrestles. And I like watching Cena get beaten up (and Michael Cole’s awesome HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY!? call), but it doesn’t work.
I think the biggest problem I have with the angle is the concept that John Laurinaitis has a personal vendetta against John Cena and is out to get him. When did this start? They just did eight months or whatever of Laurinaitis having an issue with CM Punk, and at least Punk helped set that up by calling Laurinaitis a cowardly purse-carrier. Their backstage issue didn’t make a lot of sense, but they established it and maintained it. Punk was disrespectful, so Laurinaitis wanted him removed as champion. Who “has it out” for John Cena? He’s what David Shoemaker called a “black hole”, a guy who doesn’t react emotionally to anything so there’s never a consequence to attacking or insult him. He loses a Loser Leaves WWE match, gets fired, and just keep showing up until he gets his job back. He gets his arm torn off and just shows up the next night. It doesn’t work.
So we have yet another John Cena thing where win or lose, he’s just gonna be John Cena. That’s the worst. If Laurinaitis really wanted to end Cena’s thing, he should refuse to book him in matches and just have him tag with Kofi or whoever for two years until he either retired in shame or killed himself.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
HHH is now like Final Fight’s Haggar, but only if Haggar was an NPC who’d just drop in every few levels and wipe the screen by telling everyone how unspectacular they were.
Big Johnny just rolled a 20.
The Doritos Locos Taco, brought to you by The Colons.
Kofi and Truth’s new team name is….Ghana Get Got
Orton’s reaction at the end of match = everyone on this thread.
If one limb is broken, does that make him HHh?
Second City Saint
If I’ve learned anything from Davey Richards matches, it’s that the ankle lock never finishes someone the first five times you apply it.
If my WWE video game experiences means anything. The way to win beat the clock is to clothesline, taunt, taunt, running grapple, taunt, strong grapple, taunt, taunt, strong grapple, taunt, signature, taunt, finisher.
You know would would make this clock better? It needs the “plink, plink” sound from the $25,000 Pyramid Winner’s Circle.
As a woman, I feel it’s important for me to say that Swagger is not “most handsome”.
See you next week.