Worst: I Love You Guys, But Enough With The Wedding Proposals
I’m giving Raw 999 a pass on stuff like this, because Raw 1000 is obviously WWE’s next touchstone show where Important Things Happen, so if they tread water this week, whatever. As I see it, a Daniel Bryan/AJ wedding (on next week’s show… Christ) can lead to any number of cool happenings, including:
1. Daniel Bryan and AJ just getting storyline married, allowing them to formally be the Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth of the 2010s. This gets us back to the dynamic that worked so well pre-WrestleMania, gives AJ a reason to stick around and tough it out when Bryan’s mean to her, allows AJ to remain prominent without siphoning Bryan’s heat, yadda yadda.
2. Bryan and AJ are on “The Peep Show” on Smackdown, so any advancement of a Daniel Bryan/Christian Intercontinental Championship feud is welcomed, especially if it leads to neither guy committing to one side of the heel-to-face fence and wrestling their asses off.
3. Sara Del Rey interrupting the wedding as Daniel Bryan’s actual love interest, Royally Butterflying AJ out of her novelty Vans and being all “actually I’m not a love interest, I’m your best student and you should stop doing this dumb romance shit and be the best wrestler ever some more” about it.
4. Dean Ambrose crashing the wedding, preferably with a blimp full of Joker Venom. AJ gets her next logical character step, Bryan gets a cool GUY FROM THE INDIES opponent, Ambrose is instantly cool and important.
5. The reverend rips off a mask, says DID SOMEBODY SAY THREE MINUTES for no reason and the Usos show up and Samoan Drop AJ to death. Okay, that one probably won’t happen.
Pro-tip: If you are a pro wrestler, don’t get married during the wrestling show at the wrestling arena. Guys who work at the post office don’t get married at the post office.
Best: New Miz
In the Best And Worst Of Money In The Bank 2012 report, Danny “Dan Dan” Downes wrote the following about Miz’s return:
I couldn’t give this a best or a worst because, honestly, I didn’t really care. You had to know that someone else was going to be in the second MITB match because even though the original four could carry the match, the WWE seems to always love adding new stipulations to matches. At least this time we didn’t find out via text message.
As true as the last 80% of that paragraph is, I naturally like The Miz (Cleveland represent) and want him to be a good part of the show again. I’m really digging Adult Miz, partially because we get what’s good about him without what’s so overwhelmingly bad about him, and partially because this is the first time since Tough Enough he’s been on WWE TV with a grown-up’s haircut. It makes him look 100% more like a wrestler, and 100% less like a guy from a reality show pretending to be a wrestler. Miz needs character evolution more than anybody in the f**king fake sports world right now, and this is a great, great step forward.
And no, you don’t have a reason to care about him right now, but hopefully that’ll change. His grin to AJ when she dropkicked him off the apron was fun, so maybe he’ll be the one to interrupt the Bryan-Lee wedding. Hopefully Brian Lee will not get involved.
Worst: I’m Skipping The First 20 Minutes Of Next Week’s Show
It was helpful of Michael Cole to announce that during next week’s show, right at 8 o’clock, Raw would kick off their three-hour era with a D-Generation X reunion, and “all of them will be there”. Of course, the graphic just showed Triple H and Shawn Michaels, who I’m pretty sure are “all of them” in modern WWE lore. I mean, if Raw starts off next week with Hornswoggle and Chyna crotch chopping over Rick Rude’s casket or whatever I’ll tune in, but if not I will be shoot skipping the first 20 minutes of the show.
There aren’t a lot of ways it can go, given Triple H’s issues with Brock Lesnar, Brock Lesnar’s appearance on the show being announced and Shawn Michaels firmly settled into his new role as “smaller guy who gets threatened/beaten up for the sake of Triple H angles”. DX reunites, some insider jokez are made, t-shirts or glow sticks or baldspot-covering winter beanies are shilled and Lesnar handcuffs Triple H to the ropes a la Randy Orton and NBTs the shit out of Shawn Michaels. Or, worst case scenario, we get a Lesnar/Triple H in-ring promo where Feels are felt and they go back and forth about how one is scared of the other. Then punches are thrown, Shawn Michaels kicks somebody (probably by accident) and the inevitable Lesnar/H match gets special guest referees or sudden No Disqualification stipulations and … yeah, I’ll see everybody here at 8:22 sharp.
Worst: What Is This Shit You’re Doing With The Ryback Now
This is probably a weak Worst considering the f**king killing fields of last week’s Raw, but my least favorite part of the show was how excited I was for Ryback to Ryback Jack Swagger, then how immediately confused and sad I was that they spent two minutes beating up Ryback only for him to get some Dave Batista-style chest-high powerbombs in and celebrate to his music. What was that? You have Ryback facing off against a guy with a losing streak gimmick. You either:
a) Ryback him, because shit, or
b) Have Swagger f**k him up out of nowhere and win to evolve Ryback’s character and give Swagger some cred for once.
And no matter what you do, you start the match. When the announcers kept hammering home how the match hadn’t officially started yet I knew they were gonna go this route, and I never enjoy it. If the match is scheduled, the match should happen. Shouldn’t the Board Of Directors get super pissed about stuff like this? If the match gets out of control before it starts, don’t you just get it under control, or push it back to later in the show to give it a little heat? I don’t know how wrestle works and I’m not gonna pretend to, but damn, baseball teams wait out the rain delays before packing it in, don’t they?
This just kinda made everyone look bad. Give Ryback the big win in his hometown. You do not have to protect Jack Swagger. He lost to Evan Bourne like 75,000 times last year. This is THE RYBACK.