Worst: Big E Langston, More Like No Re Action
Credit to my good friend Justin O’Connor for that one. And to everyone concurrently calling him “Ryblack” in last night’s open discussion thread. I’m not gonna call him that, but it’s pretty funny.
Yeah, so my theory here is that WWE Creative came up with the Nexus a long time ago and wrote NXT GUY ATTACKS JOHN CENA at the top of their dry erase board. That turned out really well (at first), so in passing one day Vince was like NEVER ERASE THAT, DAMMIT and they never bothered to ask him about it again. So whenever they look at their booking plans again (which is every 3-6 months), they see NXT GUY ATTACKS JOHN CENA and think it’s new. Remember, the prerequisites for applying to a job at WWE are “5 years soap opera writing experience” and “no short-term memory.”
SO, here we are with Big E Langston in a main-event program. This is a worse idea than having AJ be the Harley Quinn to Dean Ambrose’s Mista J. It is also a worse idea than having Bray Wyatt show up as her violent backwoods cousin. It is ALSO a worse idea than anything NOT involving Attitude Era Mark Henry as AJ’s new boyfriend. But that’s how you end a Slammy Awards edition of Raw, so … at least it’s over.
That match would’ve been awesome if the Cena/AJ staredown had ended with him grabbing a headlock and just wrenching the shit out of it, though.
Best: All Right, This Could Be Fine
I know, I know, we’ll have to Wait And See Where It Goes™.
Here’s the best thing I can think of … earlier in the night, AJ watched a video package of her making out with a bunch of WWE Superstars and declared that she wasn’t going to make that mistake again. From now on, it’s going to be about her. That’s the key to Big E Langston, I guess. Before, AJ was trying to date/manipulate/soulmate-up with big name WWE types. Cena, CM Punk, Kane, Daniel Bryan. Guys with big, extreme personalities who kinda exist as their own thing no matter what’s happening around them. She didn’t get the attention she needed, got distracted, turned weird against them and it all fell apart.
I don’t know if she ran around backstage looking for NXT guys or what, but Big E Langston is the opposite of that. He’s a green, impressionable guy with no discernible personality. If AJ wants her chaos to be all about AJ, having Big E as her charge is PERFECT. She can’t get distracted by him and abandoned for his dreams because he doesn’t HAVE any. He just wants to be on the show, or to “make an impact,” or whatever NXT guys want to do. She’s not going to get overpowered by him emotionally. She can just use him to hurt the people who have hurt her. Trust, via control. That could go somewhere.
Of course, Attitude Era Mark Henry turns into Sexual Chocolate pretty quickly, so she’ll have to be careful.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
Raw Slammy Awards: The 2012 APP-pocalypse
Jerry Lawler just showed Cena how a man runs up the ramp with an erection.
It helps me sexually when an older widow screams in the background
Cena: Ew, he opened his mouth! Gross!
Were they saying “WOOO!” or “WOOO-urns?”
Just imagine the sorts of moves Sabu could botch with that chair!
If Big E’s only motivation for attacking Cena is the injustice that John did to rap music this will be my favorite feud ever.
Raw Is Leary and Alex*
THAT KID WAS PUNJAMMIN
And he hopes you like PUNJAMMIN too.
The Shield tried to jump Ric Flair because they started a side business as Repo Men
See you guys at the Super Smackdown Live Thread tonight, and in two weeks with the next Best and Worst. And hopefully between that at various other With Leather posts, because seriously.