Please allow United States President George Washington "Linda" McMahon to usher you into the latest in our series of embarrassing pro wrestler 8x10 treasuries, now helpfully categorized as "This Week In Horrible-Looking People."
If you've missed any of our previous galleries, be sure to check out the cheesy late-80s/early-90s WWF promo photos, the extremely 1990s photos of Extreme Championship Wrestling and parts 1 and 2 of our vintage WCW promo run. Believe it or not, there are still about a thousand embarrassing pictures of wrestlers that were printed into stacks of 8x10s with the intention of them being signed and handed to strangers. Wrestling is weird.
So for the first installment of our infinite new series, please enjoy 51 of my favorite random, amazing WWE promo photos from the 90s, 2000s and today. Warning: a veiny John Cena is inside.
In this photo, Sean Waltman is cosplaying King Kong Bundy. Either that, or he's on a lot of drugs and thought this looked good. Probably both.
Adam Bomb shows off his totally real "Adam Bomb" tattoo. If you put him in a bow tie, this would be the exact same photo.
Photographer: "Hey Brock, pretend you're buttf**king an imaginary lady."
Al Snow, who somehow turned his "I'm carrying a head because head means blowjob" gimmick into a popular, world-traveled thing.
Al Snow, in his second, less popular gimmick of The Dude.
The Allied Powers, proving that people can look terrifying on BOTH sides of the Atlantic!
Laura Linney in the role of her career.
I included this pic so you could see the awesome photoshop job WWE did to make sure you could still see his hair. It's like when Marvel Comics makes the Punisher's hair blue.
Big Daddy V, who is somehow simultaneously a cockroach man and my ex-girlfriend's shower curtain.
Remember when Big Show looked like a guy from a sitcom trying to sneak into a ladies' locker room by putting on a wig and women's clothing, but it's funny because he still has facial hair? Look at those hands! You aren't fooling anyone, Paul!
A really insensitive parody of Jim Ross.
Quick, name two things that are worthless to WWE history!
Sheamus signed this. "Brogue Man."
Look out, it's the villain from a salsa commercial!
This might be the greatest wrestler 8x10 ever. In kayfabe, I love that Brian Pillman took x amount of photos but decided that THIS one is the one he should sign and hand to people.
Remember when Candice Michelle was doing a sexy magician gimmick? And possibly a sexy girl sheriff?
And now, the least threatening photo of a wrestler ever taken. Imagine you don't know anything about Carlito. What would this photo tell you about him? That he's what, a teacher? From the 90s?
He's pondering, "maybe I should've worn a cup."
There's no way this is a picture of CM Punk. Brian Kendrick put on some weight and dressed up as Punk for Halloween, right?
"I met Sgt. Slaughter. No, I didn't get his autograph. I did get an 8x10, though. I let my 5-year old draw all over it."
The world's most burnt sienna man illustrates his name.
Woo woo woo, you don't really know it.
This is either Damian Demento, or the bad guy from Flash Gordon is getting eaten by a venus fly trap.
She should've signed it in that giant space between her boobs.
"The f**k am I wearing?"
This is such a delightful picture of Kevin Nash! It's the exact opposite of his maeks poopies face. He looks like he's just brewed a cup of tea and has settled in to hold his WWF Championship and listen to Delilah.
Kane maeks poopies
Pictured: Aces and Eights
L to R: Luke Gallows, Wes Briscoe, Luke Gallows
Why is Jeff Foxworthy on this wrestling show, and why is he being so weird?
"Who's got one thumb and is secret vice president of a biker gang?"
Back in 2000, WWF was working very hard to convince you that Eddie Guerrero wasn't the best wrestler ever. Spoiler alert: this relaxed, ne'er-do-well teen once beat Brock Lesnar, and it was amazing.
This is from that era between the New Generation and the Attitude Era where Vince was low on money, and his creative process was "I went to Party City and found this for 30 dollars, put it on and be a wrestler."
Rikishi in his previous gimmick of "Bernie Mac."
Probably the greatest photo ever taken of an old man in his underwear.
Snitsky is confused by the whole "imaginary buttf**king" thing.
The longer you look at this, the worse you feel for f**king up the take.
Not shopped, we swear!
for some reason now I really want to go to Hell
My brain keeps trying to combine these guys into one horrible looking lady named "Jackie Kurrgan."
As seen on 'Family Matters.'
A quick reminder that WWE once trademarked "Jesus."
"Don't blame me, I didn't come up with any of this shit."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR BODY, JOHN CENA, SOMEBODY HELP HIM
"I am also John Cena."