Best: Ryback Is Totally Correct, For The Record
Remember when CM Punk was WWE Champion for like 400 days, had beaten everyone put in front of him, heel or face, and had pinned John Cena a dozen times? Remember how Mick Foley randomly showed up one day and was like YOU HAVE TO BE IN A HELL IN A CELL MATCH WITH JOHN CENA OR ELSE I WON’T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY, YOU CAN’T BE GOOD UNLESS YOU’VE DONE THIS ONE THING I DEMANDED, YOU’RE A COWARD or whatever? Remember how we’re like, yeah, cool Foley, I like when you talk on TV, but this isn’t really any of your business?
Here’s Ryback, a guy who has beaten almost everybody he’s faced, got screwed out of multiple WWE Championship opportunities because of circumstances beyond his control, kept his cool and remained a crowd-pleasing good guy despite like six months of continuous 3-on-1 attacks to keep him from doing anything? He attacks John Cena once — ONCE — and here’s Mick Foley showing up randomly to tell him he’s a chickenshit coward for not saving John Cena from a Shield attack.
What is your damage, Foley? None of this is your business. You’re out here for no reason to sell DVDs and relive your glory days. Ryback has a championship match against Cena, a guy who you’ve got a better chance of beating if you let the 200 people that hate him beat the shit out of him for a month before the match. It’s not “boring,” it’s right. Ryback is right. Foley’s standing there with a weapon, threatening him. Picking a fight.
Worst: John Cena Is Stupid (There, I Said It)
Cena wandered out to save Foley and got to see The Shield attack Ryback, so he grabbed the steel chair and helped Ryback fend them off. Then, because he is John Cena, he waited until Ryback’s attention was taken and hit him with a suckerpunch Attitude Adjustment. This allowed him to stand tall, having beaten up the guy he’d just saved from getting beaten up. The only way it would’ve been more perfect if is Cena had slid out of the ring and AA’d Foley off the stage.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
IM SO COOL I LIED IN AN EMAIL
[beats up old man]
[puts on sunglasses]
[rides motorcycle at 5 mph wearing a WILD HOGS JACKET]
Crowd should hum the “Jigglypuff” lullaby during Ziggler’s match when Dolph applies the sleeper.
Jerry, when you are dressed like someone turned a Budweiser label into clothing you don’t get to give fashion critiques homie.
King Jaffe Joffer
I picture D-Bry having old school Marvel trading cards with everyone’s stats on the back.
Daniel “Dazzler” Bryan:
Too bad the Undertaker no longer does the American Badass gimmick. D-Bry would look adorable in the sidecar.
Man Of 1004 Holds
The crowd after Wrestlemania: Wayne’s World
This crowd: Noah’s Arcade Presents Wayne’s World
Whoa whoa whoa Ryback, you can’t just walk out here and cite prior storylines, logic, and precedent like that.
I wish I could say Paul Heyman fought the good fight and the Game let him be. I wish I could say that, but WWE is no fairy-tale world.
Nothing says “cerebral assassin” quite like email goofs.
Seems creative is here only to bury Cesaro, not praise him
See you guys next week. BUT ONLY IF YOU DONATE TO THE MOVIE. Also if you don’t, but don’t tell anybody.