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The Best And Worst Of Smackdown 2/21/14: Don’t Go Chasing Snake Boners

By 02.22.14

Best: Goldust Reverts

The Wyatts/Rhodeses & Mysterio match was good — not as good as the matches they were having before WWE systematically ground all the confidence out of the Rhodes boys, but still pretty good. I particularly liked the ending, in which Goldust attempted, for maybe the first time since returning, to do his old ball kick in the corner spot, only to be flattened and pinned by a dump truck named Bray Wyatt.

This is the solution to “How do we break up Goldust and Cody?” As it is now, nobody wants another Cody heel turn considering how rotten that last few have been, and nobody’s going to boo scrappy, better than he’s ever been at age 44 Goldust, particularly if the two of them are breaking up over losing the copper penny tag belts.

Ah, but what if Goldust’s brain skips the rails, and suddenly he’s testicle obsessed, stuttering, not acknowledging his Rhodesness Goldust again? When Cody approaches Goldust backstage have him be all, “Who’re you kid?” then wander off to hang out with Booker T. Or better yet, Terri Runnels. Hell, WWE owns Seven now, have Cody have to bail Dustin out for staring in kids’ windows. I dunno — nobody’s going to buy or wants a blood feud between these two at this point, so just have some fun with it. It’s not like there’s not a hefty chunk of truth to a storyline about Goldust being a nutbar who frustrates his brother and dad.

Best: Advanced Shopping Trolley

Hee hee, Emma called it a shopping trolley. You Australians are cute. Well, except in Wake in Fright. And Wolf Creek. And Crocodile Dundee. And everything else. Okay, so Emma is cute, the rest of you scare me.

Worst: If At First Your Dance Contest Doesn’t Succeed, Try, Try Again

Hey, remember a couple weeks ago when Emma showed up and danced badly in a dance contest with Summer Rae and the audience didn’t get it because WWE hadn’t introduced them to the Emma character? Well, on this week’s Smackdown Emma showed up and danced badly in a dance contest with Summer Rae and the audience didn’t get it because WWE still hasn’t really introduced them to the Emma character. Uh, maybe the third dance contest will be the charm?

Granted, they tweaked a few things in this second dance contest, but that only made things worse. Now Emma does more than one dance, which just seems to be confusing the issue. They also tried to make Summer look as goofy as possible, I guess in hopes that Emma would look better in comparison, but that shouldn’t be the goal. Emma is supposed to be bad at dancing. That’s the point. Also, Summer Rae called Fandango “baby boopsie” at one point. I don’t care if it was supposed to be an annoying heel line — I will not tolerate people being referred to as baby boopsies on my television.

Anyways, is this really that hard WWE? It is? Really? Okay fine, I’ll walk you through this — Emma needs to lose these dance contests. She needs to lose, and have Summer Rae and Fandango be very mean to her, which will cause her to make cute sad faces. She vows to train her hardest and outdance Summer Rae, but the harder she tries, the worse she gets, but it doesn’t matter because the audience is falling for her. Finally, the audience votes for her to win one of the contests and Summer Rae is so appalled that she attacks Emma, but Emma Muta locks the crap out of her because she’s actually a pro-wrestler who knows her s–t. Lecherous Santino Marella is not involved in this storyline. Ta da, you’ve made Emma work in an “entertaining” WWE main roster sort of way.

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