Today marks the 37th birthday of John Cena, the WWE’s most beloved Superstar and champion of all-time, as he continues to be one of the most charismatic and exciting personalities in professional wrestling today. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone ever say a bad word about Cena, and I’m regularly tapped into the pulse of the pro wrestling fandom. So I thought, what better way to show our undying and devoted love to Cena than by chipping in and maybe purchasing him a birthday present?
But then, there’s a big problem with that idea. What do you buy for the guy who already has everything? I mean, as we’ve seen on Total Divas, Cena has a huge home in Florida, an amazing and perfect girlfriend in Nikki Bella, who loves him for who he is, and enough money to buy anything that he wants, from a private jet to a big, cozy mansion of a bus, on which he and Nikki have more sex than any couple ever.
If I’ve learned anything in my 18-35 years on this planet, it’s that a guy can never have enough of his favorite things, so I’ve put together this list of 10 ideas that I had for birthday presents for Cena. We can either chip in on one and send it to him, or you can buy them for Cena on your own. Either way, it’s just important that we show love to the greatest WWE Superstar of this generation.
10) A pair of jean shorts
These are regular fit shorts, which are the preferred fit for wrestlers who want the casual look of denim in the ring, but also the crotch support to perform versatile moves.
9) A pair of jean shorts
On the other hand, relaxed fit gives Cena the option to wear these on vacation, perhaps even to the opera.
8) A pair of jean shorts
This pair has a carpenter’s loop on the side, so Cena could start bringing a hammer to the ring with him, or he can wear them while he builds Nikki something pretty like a bird feeder.
7) A pair of jean shorts
SIX POCKETS?!?! I never thought I’d live to see the day. He could buy Nikki a ring and hide it in one of those pockets until it’s time to propose.
6) A pair of jean shorts
Dark denim with stylish acid-washing and a red belt? Perfect for a night on the town or a heel turn.
5) A pair of jean shorts
Black denim with the same stylish wash and a black belt means one thing – black tie affair.
4) A pair of jean shorts
Sure, this pair is expensive, but when you’re asking for two cargo pockets, you’re going to have to pay extra. Style = $$$
3) A pair of jean shorts
Nothing says, “I’m elegant but tough” like a pair of white jean shorts.
2) This strange Japanese breast enlargement device
You know, in case Nikki senses trouble in her relationship and needs a logical solution.
1) A pair of jean shorts
Cena has always related to us by being the classic, blue collar John Q. Every Man. He’s not a fancy jean shorts kind of guy, which is why I think he’d love this pair of paint-splattered jean shorts. What better way to remain grounded than by wearing paint-splattered clothes? There is none.