Last Night On Raw: It’s Ricky Steamboat’s Dead Week!
Here’s what’s happening on Raw: if any member of the Nexus puts their hands on a WWE Superstar, they’re fired. Because I guess destroying Raw, trying to vehicularly manslaughter Bret Hart, assaulting the CEO of the company and ALREADY BEING FIRED ONCE wasn’t grounds for termination. Their solution? Beat up WWE Legends, because they are not technically WWE Superstars.
So The Nexus jumped a group including Michael Hayes, Jerry Lawler, Arn Anderson and poor Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat. If you don’t remember, The Nexus whomped Steamboat so badly that he had a brain aneurysm (in addition to a legit neck injury and severe rest-of-the-head trauma). The beating was so bad that he stopped having cool return matches against guys like Chris Jericho and started being the wacky guy in karate clothes who shows up to hang out with Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Big Dick Johnson or whoever before Ron Simmons says “damn.”
Best: Kaval Breaks The Daniel Bryan Streak
The second match on the show (and the main event!) is a six-man tag teaming Kaval, Michael “I was hanging out with Husky Harris and the keg wasn’t that heavy” McGillicutty and Lucky Cannon against Alex Riley, Eli Cottonwood and Titus “If you’re gonna fall on your face, make it a fall on your face” O’Neil.
Here’s the best example of what Kaval brought to the table: he was dynamic. When ANYBODY else in this match is in the ring, it’s a boring, plodding student match that nobody cares about. Kaval tags in and starts Tidal Crushing Alex Riley and doing sky-high doublestomps and it’s just a completely different thing. Granted, juniors being exciting is the least desirable thing to a WWE audience, but for a guy like me it was welcomed, and I think I’m enjoying Kaval more on the re-watch than I did the first time through.
Supplemental Worst to Alex Riley for trying to take that double stomp on his arms, though. Dude’s just straight-up covering his entire chest so the doublestomp looks like a Mojo Rawley asshole attack.
Best: An Incredibly Accurate Pros Poll
Wait, is the episode over already?
At the beginning of the show, Ashley Valence announced that tonight would feature the first Pros Poll, and that the person at the bottom of it would be the first elimination. Yes, four episodes into the show. I mean, I think that’s what she said, it was hard to understand her. She was so into doing “announcer voice” that she forgot how to say words. “Your” is exclusively “yer.” “Important” becomes “import.” IS IMPORT TO REMEMBER PEOPLE ARE GOIN TO WWE DOT COM TO DECIDE YER FUTURE. LET ME REMINE YOU OF WADE BARRETT. NOW GRANITE, THIS WAS LASS SEASON, HOWEVER~, YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN IMPACK. The crowd chants “Daniel Bryan” and Cole and Josh just start making fun of her before she’s done.
“Can we eliminate Ashley?”
“I agree with you, maybe she should be eliminated. Can we eliminate Matt?”
(I do not enjoy agreeing with this announce team.)
But yeah, before this episode, Husky Harris deserved to be in the top 3 or 4. After it, he’s lucky there isn’t a ninth place.
Worst: Titus Makes It Not A Win
The first elimination is Titus O’Neil, who of course never got to live out his dream of being a WWE Superstar. His goodbye speech, however, was what you might call a win.
“LET ME TELL YOU RIGHT HUR I MIGHT A BEEN ELIMINATED BUT SOME OF YOU HAVE IT MUCH WORSE THAN ME, SOME OF YOU ARE DYING OF CANCER, SOME OF YOU MIGHT’VE GOTTEN HIT BY A BUS, SOME OF YOU MIGHT HAVE DROPPED YOUR KEYS AND THEN THE KEYS ACCIDENTALLY WENT UP IN A SEWER. REGARDLESS OF ALL OF THAT, I AM ELIMINATED FROM NXT BUT IN CASE YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE I MENTIONED LIKE MAYBE THE DYING ONES, WHATEVER YOU DO IN YOUR LIFE, MAKE IT A WINNNNNN.”