Best: Wade Barrett Rips David Otunga In Half
The final “challenge” of sorts is a Snaps competition, and you think David Otunga would’ve done really well, right? Mic skills are really all he has, and he’s a lawyer so he should know something about effective closing arguments. Instead, we get quotes like these:
“Look at that nose! It’s as crooked as your pro!”
“You don’t intimidate anybody but your dentist! The only pay-per-view match I’d pay to see is a triple threat with you, Aquafresh and Listerine.”
“You maybe know a couple moves in the ring, that can be taught, than can be learned. Did I MENTION I went to Harvard?”
Wade’s response is initially, “well that was THOROUGHLY entertaining,” and then he starts cutting a great promo on low hanging fruit. The two best lines:
“I’ve seen The Great Khali move around in this ring with more balance and poise than you.”
“I’ll tell you why they say you’ve got the It Factor … it’s because you have no tangible quality whatsoever that WWE can hang onto.”
It’s the brutal truth, and Otunga tries to remain confident, but he kinda looks like he wants to cry. Barrett says that if you took the IT Factor and “add two more letters in front of that” you’d get a good idea of what he thinks about David Otunga. Ouch.
Best: The Genesis Of The Genesis Of McGillicutty
I’m going to do these retro recaps of NXT season 2 almost exclusively to talk about MICHAEL MCGILLICUTTY, the son of Mr. Perfect who is either the worst person ever let near a live microphone or a wonderful idiot savant. You may know him as Curtis Axel, but before he was a Paul Heyman Guy he was a kinda-balding third generation star who hates babies, swimming pools and properly formed sentences. It’s gonna be a BLAST.
Best: William Regal Picks A Fight With Everybody For No Reason
I guess they had some time to kill, so just before the final elimination the Pros start yelling at each other for no reason. CM Punk says he’s seen enough of NXT and bails (a character-defining trait, I guess) and William Regal starts randomly trying to fight folks. He gets in R-Truth’s face and tries to get him to throw hands, and when Truth responds by doing a dance and waggling his dick Regal goes down the line and starts calling everybody names. AMAZING NAMES. The Miz becomes “Kermit,” Christian becomes “Benjamin Button” and Matt Hardy becomes EUGENE. I cannot tell you how perfect Matt Hardy as Eugene is, nor can I express in a thousand paragraphs how much I love William Regal for calling him that. Bill Regal just found a roundabout way to call Matt Hardy retarded on live TV and get away with it.
Best: Wade Barrett Is Afraid He’s Got Some Bad News
Wade Barrett wins the competition. SPOILER ALERT.
During his speech, he includes one very important phrase: “For the pros on that stage over there, I’ve got some really bad news for you, because this is the beginning of a brand new era in WWE.” And it all comes full circle.
The man who is taller than everybody, good enough in the ring and surprisingly great on the microphone wins a competition he was pretty much the ringer to win anyway, especially after his best competition went 0-10 in an effort to convince us that he was … tough? I don’t know. As it stands, Wade Barrett now has a pay-per-view match against the champion of his choosing, and I assume he will use that rationally to challenge someone for the United States Championship and will toil away in the mid-card en route to becoming a surefire future WWE main-eventer. Four years haven’t happened since this episode, right?
The next week on Raw …
If you don’t remember the debut of the Nexus, here it is in a “full length” version, minus one chokey exception. It remains one of the coolest and most unexpected endings in Raw history. Hell, WWE history. I don’t think a single person expected Wade Barrett to use his NXT victory as a means to create a supergroup of mad nobodies to literally DESTROY RAW. Cena’s violent beating loses a little bit of its impact when Cena could just show up 10 minutes later READY FOR A FIGHT or whatever, but they really beat the dog mess out of him.
The Nexus remains one of my favorite things that has ever happened on WWE TV, even if it went somewhere supremely stupid with bullet train quickness. It also gave us the horrid “we’re the WWE pros! We’re gonna beat up you rookies for NO RAISIN” moment with the NXT season 2 crew that really should’ve resulted in a Super Nexus and everyone in WWE getting turned inside out by the asshole.
But yeah, things worked out okay for everybody.
WAIT DANIEL NO STAY AWAY FROM HIS TIE