The Best And Worst Of Smackdown 5/16/14: Balls Balls Balls Balls Balls

By: 05.17.14

Best: I Can’t Stop Liking This

On paper Torito wrestling Heath Slater would seem to be treading dangerously close to Hornswoggle/Chavo Guerrero territory, and yet, well, it’s Torito vs. Heath Slater! Torito is better than Swoggle and Heath is much better than Chavo when it comes to being a shameless dork, so this was entertaining. Plus that moonsault finish was crisp as shit. I’m totally going to stop liking this little person comedy feud next week though. Totally.

Worst: A Match Almost as Terrible as Picasso

Gat-dangit WWE, stop showing me Paige video packages unless Paige is about to come through the curtain. A couple weeks back you used a Paige package to set up a Tamina match, and this week you use one to introduce a rematch of the Nikki Bella/Natalya fiasco from Raw? Intolerable. I will not tolerate it.

Anyways, holy shit, this match was the worst possible time you could have watching attractive spandex-clad women tussling. Eva Marie was playing referee and, well, bless her pretty plastic soul. The poor girl is incapable of walking across the ring in a natural manner. Also, every time she had to go for the count she’d sort of squat down or flop awkwardly onto her hip. I guess the trainers just assumed she already had an aptitude for getting down on her…

Uh, maybe I shouldn’t finish that thought.

Even without Eva Marie’s crack officiating, this bout would have been pretty ghastly. The end of the match in particular was, well, I’m not even sure I can describe it. Natalya had Nikki up in a surfboard, then Nikki flopped down, sort of looked like she was giving birth to Natalya for a second, and then Nikki won somehow. I dunno. GIFs to the rescue!



Of course all the commentators could talk about was Natalya’s painting, because WWE expects their pro-grapplers to be trained artistes now I guess. At one point Cole tries to defend Nattie’s painting by saying people thought Picasso and Van Gogh were awful at first, and JBL responds with “What’s changed? Maybe in Canada that’s art.” Yes. Yes it is. WWE — still not quite sure if they’re on board with f–king impressionism.

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