The Best And Worst Of Smackdown 5/2/14: Painful And Permanent

By: 05.03.14  •  33 Comments


Best: Lana Gets Political

Far be it from me to critique Lana’s appearance, because damn, but her hair was kind of nuts this week. It was like, a solid doll-hair looking mass that perfectly matched her skin tone. She looked like a Twi’lek. A hot Twi’lek, but still.

A couple months back I questioned WWE waiting until after the Olympics to debut Lana and Rusev, instead of striking while the iron was hot. Heh, ohhh silly me thinking Russia would tire of their cartoonish villainy. This week Lana got all (sort of) topical, referencing the Russian sanctions and suggesting Rusev might beat up Obama if they’re not lifted. At least I think that’s what she said — I’m not much of a foreign affairs wonk, so I kind of zoned out near the end. That said, I hope Lana continues to tackle complex geopolitical affairs via camel clutches, short skirts and CRUSHING.

Oh, and Rusev wrestled R-Truth again, but I won’t sully a perfectly good Lana Best by recapping that nonsense.

Worst: Hell is a Kane Video Package

Speaking of nonsense — Daniel Bryan came out and cut a surrious promo about how he was just like us, which meant he’d do anything to protect his family, and he was sending Kane to hell for touching his wife and no. Just no thanks. It was the wrong promo at the wrong time. Kane emerged from a canvas sphincter on Raw and tried to drag Brie Bella to wrestling hell. I’m not sure what the best way to sell that is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not angry stone-faced sincerity.

Daniel, buddy, Smackdown is Smackdown. It will be just as Smackdown-ey with or without you. Stop cutting promos about your family while looking like the saddest man in the world and just go be with them.

Best: I’m Pretty Sure I’m Going To End Up Liking This Segment More Than The Actual X-Men Movie

Just sayin’ — the fact that X-Men: Days of Future Past has, like, 60 mutants in it doesn’t really make up for the fact that it looks like a superhero movie from 2001. They definitely don’t make up for that thing Bryan Singer allegedly, maybe, probably did in Hawaii. So yeah, at the risk of letting Hollywood down and being labelled a bad nerd, I think I’ll be staying home for this one.

But hey, I don’t need movies for my X-Men fix! Damien Sandow showed up as Magneto for the second show in a row and honestly the guy may as well go with it and just keep dressing as X-Men characters until Marvel notices (which may take a while considering this is Damien Sandow we’re talking about). Sandow continues to be kind of tragically good as footy pyjamas Magneto — the finish of the match was particularly great, with Sandow flipping his cape over his head then somehow getting in perfect position for the zigzag while blinded. Pulling off that level of buffoonery without it looking completely contrived takes some talent.

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