Best/Worst: Sing Along With Enzo
If you read last week’s column, you’ll know that Enzo Amore is back and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
Enzo and Big Cass are more perfectly matched and essential to one-another’s success than any two people I’ve seen paired in WWE. Cass has the size and the look to make it and he’s got a good personality, but he’s got no spark. Nothing pops. Enzo Amore is nothing BUT pop. He’s one of those people who makes you stop and see what he’s doing whenever he appears, but he’s tiny, looks like a Raider from Fallout 3 and can’t get his wrestling to match his mouth. They’re like Diesel and Shawn Michaels if Diesel was trained in the WCW Power Plant and Shawn Michaels had no self confidence.
I love how much the crowd’s grown to love them, too, and that they’re singing along with the ENTIRETY of Enzo’s introduction speech. That hasn’t happened since the heyday of Konnan and the New Age Outlaws. My fear, though, is that if the crowd likes that one specific speech, that one specific speech is all we’re ever going to hear. That’s scary because Enzo’s variety is what got him over in the first place. You never really know what he’s going to say … he might start rambling about toilet tissue and dimes or comparing himself to a kitty cat. “Sawft” is the destination, but the journey is the best part. If the journey stops being brilliant and simply becomes a standardized crowd cue, that’ll be sad.
(Be careful with my Enzo is what I’m saying.)
Worst: I Know He Is Big But Are We Seriously Using An Elbow Drop As His Finish
The finish to the … would even call that a match? Is Big Cass fist-pumping out an S A W F T saaaaaaWWWFT and then dropping the SOFTEST ELBOW OF ALL TIME on Sylvester Lefort for the win. This isn’t the first time he’s done it, so I guess it’s replacing the East River Crossing and the Obvious Thigh Slap Big Boot as his primary finish. Are we so afraid of injuring each other now that STANDING ELBOW DROPS are finishes? You are not Abdullah the Butcher, Big Cass. You do not have the compact body mass of Dusty Rhodes. That elbow drop is not a death blow. That’d be like Dolph Ziggler pinning people with the jumping 10 punch in the corner.
Best: Tyler Breeze’s Life-Threatening Injury
Adrian Neville is giving a backstage interview about how neither he nor Devin know where they’re supposed to be looking when they talk (I’m assuming) and gets interrupted by Tyler Breeze. Breeze has sorta become the elitist narrator of NXT, pointing out how goofy most peoples’ motivations are and wondering why wrestling characters have to say things more than once. Devin Taylor’s all, “how do you feel about last week’s match with Rob Van Dam” and before Neville can explain himself, Breeze is there to go WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS. ASK HIM ABOUT THE MATCH ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON OR SOMETHING, GOD, IT’S ALREADY NEXT THURSDAY.
The best part of the interruption, of course, is Neville giving Breeze the classic “if you’ve got a problem with me we can fight RIGHT HERE TONIGHT” and Breeze blowing him off due to a career-threatening finger injury he suffered while hand modeling.
I can’t decide what I like more; Neville’s “oh brother” reaction face, or the fact that Tyler Breeze has an excuse to get him out of wrestling but still shows up and walks around everywhere in his gear, entrance jacket and all.
Worst: “The Winged Ring Warrior” Bull Dempsey
Nope. Fat Neil squashed Xavier Woods once, it doesn’t require a dramatic black and white video package.
Best: A Lot To Love In A Kinda Boring Tag Match
If I’m being honest, the tag team match was a little boring. The BFFs are in control for most of it, the faces never really get much of a hope spot and it plays like the more functional tag version of Charlotte/Alexa Bliss. That said, there’s a lot to love here, including:
1. The wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men get NAMES.
2. A decrease in superfluous Riverdancing.
3. Charlotte being a BEAST. I love how she’s gone from an awkward gymnast to the most convincing physical threat on the show in such a short time. When she was in the ring with Bayley it felt like Ryback vs. Brad Maddox. I think my favorite thing about her is that she does Cesaro’s “f*ck it, time to win the match” rush, where she gets into a small amount of trouble and goes NOPE, refocuses and just crushes her opponent. She did it when Summer Rae returned and tried to deal her an Interruption Loss, and she did it again this week by nerfing Bayley’s contribution to the match ending sprint by just dumping her to the outside and wrecking Becky Lynch.
4. William Regal being obsessed with saying “oh Becky Lynch.”
5. Sasha Banks bringing life to the tired old “stand on the Diva’s hair and pull her arms up” thing by standing on Bayley’s side pony. Usually that move is dumb because people with long hair have to arch their back and go AAAAH AAAAH like they’re being murdered, as though their split ends are the most sensitive parts of the body. By standing on the pony, you’ve got all the hair in one spot and can believably look like you’re yanking the entire thing out by the roots.
6. I’ve gone back and forth about it since I watched the show last night, but I think I like Bayley getting aggressive with Sasha when the match was over. Sasha sticks around to trash talk Becky, so Bayley just hammers her from behind and shitcans her. Sasha wasn’t really doing anything to Becky, and Bayley simply getting between them probably could’ve sufficed, but poor Bayley’s been treated like garbage so long I’m okay with her occasionally punching first and asking questions later.