Apparently his pants exploding on Raw has driven Batista to go full-hobo. Tight clothes, loose clothes, Batista always brings the tasteless.
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Okay, on we go…
Best: Being Concerned About Things We Shouldn’t Be Concerned About
My “Batista is actually good” campaign doesn’t seem to be gaining much traction, probably because the guy only seems to be good on Smackdown. On Raw he stutters out lines about Randy Orton being the ASS of the company and people drooling on Stephanie, while on Smackdown he’s an excellent, swaggering, self-deluding super-heel.
Batista, dressed as Oliver Travis Bickle, kicked the show off in fine self-aggrandizing fashion, and then Triple H came out for a smirk-off. Batista said Triple H married his way to success and Triple H smirked, then Triple H accused Batista of being a lazy, cream puff movie star and Batista smirked. Usually this kind of insider burial stuff would drive me crazy, but when the two tearing each other down are all-round swell guys like Triple H and Batista, let ’em have at it I say.
My one issue with the opening segment was Triple H demanding that Batista bring the real Animal back — this is the real animal. Aside from that one Wrestlemania Undertaker match, Batista has always been the egotistical guy with the show muscles who’s kind of lazy and lacking in fortitude when the chips are down. That’s fine, that’s a good heel character, but I’ve never thought Big Dave was particularly tough or dangerous. He may weigh about as much as Brock Lesnar, but he ain’t Brock Lesnar.
Best: The Shield Can’t Stop Flipping
I’m still not quite used to The Shield being guys who can’t go 10-seconds without flipping onto somebody’s face, but I’m still enjoying it. I also enjoy that after their violent retribution on Raw, they were okay with just besting 3MB and Rybaxel in sanctioned tag matches on Smackdown. Even when they were bad guys The Shield were very respectful of the rules. They won all those six-mans fair and square, and I’m glad their switch to the fiery babyface side of things hasn’t turned them into Sheamus-esque violent, cheating buttholes. All this time we thought The Shield were seeking some sort of higher justice, but honestly I think they just really wanted guys to make proper use of the tag ropes. Rules rule!
Worst: Way To Screw Up The Easiest Job In WWE, Mistico
The original Sin Cara has been fired, which has to be about the saddest thing ever, because Sin Cara had the easiest job in wrestling. He never had to talk, he never had to carry a feud or storyline, he never had to have a match over three minutes — you can just feel Hunico beaming with joy from beneath that mask. He appreciates what a plum gig this is. Speaking of which, new Sin Cara beat Damian Sandow in a minute on Smackdown, a rousing victory that no doubt send hundreds of kids immediately running to the merch stand for Sin Cara masks. Easiest job in wrestling, Mistico (you dink).