The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 5/9

/play Nickelback instrumental here

Did You Know? WWE has over 5,000,000 Facebook Fans, more than the NFL, ESPN, Major League Baseball, NASCAR, hamburgers, the sneezing panda, the What What In the Butt guy, Stove Top Stuffing, handlebar mustaches and the word “sports” COMBINED. [citation needed]

Did You Know? WWE’s next pay-per-view event, Over The Limit, takes place in two weeks!

Did You Know? “Over The Limit” is a WWE pay-per-view? I think it’s the one where Raw faces Smackdown in a car race and the winner gets the prestigious “Over The Limit” trophy. I also think it’s the PPV where The Big Show is always turning on people. They should at least call it “In Your House: Over The Limit.”

Worst: Are We Sure This Wasn’t Taped Four Months Ago

Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to soldier through Raw immediately after the gym and only a few hours of sleep the previous night, but what happened, did I fall asleep in the afternoon and travel time? This Raw looked like a “WWE BEST OF 2010-2011” DVD, with Cena beating up Alex Riley to antagonize the Miz, Michael Cole making Jerry Lawler mad by insulting his dead mother, and a spotlight on the Mysterio/Del Rio, Swagger/Kingston and Punk/Big Show feuds. All we needed was for the That’s What I Am commercials to be The Chaperone (tagline: “I’m the chaperone!”) and we’d have been set.

Speaking of living in the past…

Worst: Either Have Michael Cole Skullf**k Jerry Lawler’s Mother on TV or Move On

I championed the Cole/Lawler angle for a few months, then spent about four years wishing it would stop. They had a match at Wrestlemania that was supposed to end in blood and piledrivers, but it couldn’t, and didn’t. So they had another match with less heat at the artist formerly known as Backlash, complete with straps for the lashing of backs, that should’ve ended with Cole being held down and beaten with a belt until he apologized. It didn’t end that way, so now we have to have a rushed little two week Lawler vs. Cole re-rematch for stipulations nobody outside of Lawler and Cole care about, and guess what? It isn’t going to end like it’s supposed to. It’s going to end with Cole winning Lawler’s Hall of Fame ring, getting inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame (by Lawler? Can Lawler do that?) and spending the NEXT pay-per-view cycle calling himself WWE Hall of Famer Sir Michael Cole.

Then, at Fatal 4-way we have to watch Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler vs. Jim Ross vs. Jack Swagger, with maybe Lawler’s crown and JR’s hat on the line, and Cole wins that with a roll-up after getting punched maybe once, and he can call himself WWE Hall of Famer Good Ol’ Sir Michael Cole. After that, Cole wins Money in the Bank (Mr. Money in the Bank, WWE Hall of Famer Good Ol’ Sir Michael Cole) and cashes in, somehow winning the WWE Championship with a roll-up on Jerry Lawler, and then we build to the big blow-off at Night of Champions where Lawler gets his “one last shot” at the WWE Championship, and nobody watches it.

And also Michael Cole wins that.

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