Below we have the red band trailer for Hemlock Grove, Netflix’s upcoming series that’s a lot like House of Cards, assuming House of Cards involves a girl going down on Kevin Spacey while he slashes his chest with a razor. On second thought: it’s not like House of Cards. I mean, a girl doing down on Kevin Spacey? That’s ALLEGEDLY preposterous. Anyway, Dustin described Hemlock as being about “a young girl who is brutally murdered and found near the Godfrey steel mill. Suspicions land on two Peter Rumancek, a 17-year-old Gypsy trailer trash kid rumored to be a werewolf, and Roman, the heir to the Godfrey estate.” On the page, that sounds like a bunch of nonsense; in the NSFW trailer, though, well, still nonsense, but in a good Famke Janssen-in-a-bathrobe way.
It also helps if you enjoy, to quote the trailer itself, “Mild Fornication, Fellatio, Heavy Cocaine Use, Lesbian Necrophilia, and Violent Hemorrhaging.” Me, I like my Cocaine Use like I do my women: Morbidly Obese, but Heavy works in a pinch, too. Hemlock premieres on April 19th.