Hello, and welcome back to (weekly-ish) Impact Wrestling coverage on With Spandex. And welcome to me, LaToya Ferguson, your recapper and friend. Who loves ya, baby? Me, the person who gets down to the nitty and the especially gritty of Impact Wrestling (every week-ish) just for you. It’s getting harder and harder to write about this show, despite it technically being better than it was just a few months ago. Which is why you get two weeks for the price of one this time. (You can expect a double dose of the last two episodes of March as well, relatively soon.)
But how many times can a person say, “This match was fine.” you know? Luckily, the free-per-view Crossroads technically allows me a short break from that, because the talent actually comes to play this time around. (I think I’m supposed to make some lazy Bone Thugs n Harmony reference here, but that’s not really my style, y’all.) Some might call it a “turning point,” but that’s something else entirely. Plus, Feast or Fired is usually fun, all things considered.
Now for some good housekeeping: You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. And don’t forget to watch Impact Wrestling on Pop at 8 pm on Thursdays so you can read these pieces and share them with the online world. That shouldn’t be too difficult, should it? Okay, that usually shouldn’t be too difficult.
Previously: You might not have noticed, but it was the Crossroads go-home show. With an EC3/Tyrus “match” I’m still not 100 percent sure wasn’t my own personal fever dream.
ACE: Wrestling Is Serious
Does no one question why Austin Aries’ “EARLIER TODAY” arrival is clearly him having an entire conversation with himself? Not a Bluetooth situation either, he’s just muttering things to himself. I’ve been rewatching Being Human (U.S.), so I’ve seen a lot of people awkwardly conversing with ghosts, so maybe that’s what’s happening here: Aries has the sight and is talking to a ghost wrestling buddy as he walks through the bowels (ugh, shut up, Josh) of the Impact Zone.
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/971914336355700736
Then there’s his self-absorbed opponent, Johnny Impact, who walks in slow-mo in front of an entourage of flag-bearers (bearing mini-American flags!). They all look very much like they’re from Orlando — as a native central Floridian, I can say that — which sort of adds to it … but I think the fact that they’re not even a little coordinated clothing-wise (and they’re a combination of referees and production folk, I believe) kind of is an EH in this otherwise beautiful moment. A beautiful moment that’s even less expected than Aries’ conversation with his 13-year-old self or whatever. The other EH that Impact Wrestling brings is of course Josh Mathews, as his commentary for this includes him Big Boy Voice screaming: “HE’S FILLED WITH PAGEANTRY! AND PATRONAGE!”
ACE/EH: The Usual
Returning to DeVoe’s pocket dimension (which is sticking around!), Josh Mathews and Sonjay Dutt go through the free-per-view card and attempt to get the audience hyped for what’s to come. It really works for this particular show.
But the EH is for Josh not being able to find a middle ground for his voice. It’s either Big Boy Voice on commentary to sell how exciting everything is (and actually make everything sound less exciting, because he’s screaming about it and you want him to shut up) or it’s his very boring, very low level voice he’s doing here.
ACE: A Good Tag Team Thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWnrxC5d8HU
First match up on Crossroads confirms something I’ve assumed and written a lot about (something that continues throughout this whole show): A lot of the wrestlers typically only gives like 20 percent of their actual talent and effort into most of their matches in Impact. Which leads to someone like me calling their matches “fine.” I say this, because I spent the majority of this match saying, “oh, this is a much different level of effort.” Because this show and match are both important, and everyone treats it as such.
The same goes for the rest of the matches on this card. And that’s great, but considering how few and far between special shows are for Impact Wrestling, it’s certainly waiting a long time to see such matches. That’s not fine.
ANYWAY, of course this match starts with a brawl outside the ring — LAX and oVe are extremely predictable when it comes to their particular match structuring — and the crowd is hot for LAX. Caleb Konley sells a snap suplex from Ortiz amazingly during the craziness, but there’s a point where you just want them to get into the ring. Then they do, and there’s some amazing tag team maneuvering from LAX once it actually happens.
The Cult of Lee’s not as flashy with their double teaming, as they’re — understandably — more high impact. And like their previous match (the one which got the Cult of Lee this title match), both teams work to out “heel” and out dirty tactics each other. This time, LAX gets the win and retains thanks to Konnan’s interference. Why do teams go after LAX without the damn numbers game, y’all?
Then the predominantly white Impact Zone jams along to LAX’s theme. It’s … beautiful.
ACE: Yas Queen, etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO8_N8r5Hmc
Props to McKenzie Mitchell’s leather top. Thea Queen wishes. The Aces and Eights could never.
ACE: You’ve Just Been X’d
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_YkvLBp0xE
The crowd — except for the front row crew, who just look depressed — is split 50/50 between Ishimori and Sydal from the start, and both men deliver on that investment. For the first time, Sydal finally brings the heel character into his ring work too: There’s nothing better than his whiny “I said ‘peace’ and you did that to me!” post-dropkick to the chest from Ishimori.
The two men try to out-wrestle each other throughout, but it’s also a lot of Ishimori vs. Sydal’s mouth … which gets even bigger when he’s able to ground Ishimori by going after his leg. Even struggling with his leg, Ishimori shows off some freaky feats of strength and (sorry) fighting spirit. And Sydal doesn’t cheat to win, but it’s clear the only reason he wins is because he’s lucky enough to get his knees up during Ishimori’s 450 attempt. Did his guru teach him that? That’s definitely a waste of money then.
EH: I *Don’t* Believe In Miracles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h87yjAGU1xs
In one of the least LOLTNA moments in company history — but in a way where it’s mostly just a head scratcher — the comprehensive video package for Allie vs. Laurel Van Ness goes out of its way not to show Maria Kanellis-Bennett. She’s in the video package, but they make sure to cut off her (and as a result, Laurel and Sienna’s) head when she appears. It’s honestly bizarre.
ACE: Confidence, Cohen
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/971928874643787780
Cameraman trynna talk about, “Are you ready?” to Allie. Of course she’s ready! She’s got the confidence of Gail Kim behind her!
Laurel Van Ness is confident too, as the aforementioned video package proves: She says she can beat Allie “in my sleep,” “at my birthday party,” “in the shower,” “on top of the bar,” “in the pool,” and even “under the ocean.” (That last one really popped me.) I’m not quite sure why Laurel has an aquatic theme to these insults, but I’m assuming she had the concept of a “wet bar” on her mind (no “dry bar” for the Lunatic Lush!) and she just kept on going. Then the icing on the insult cake is: “I’ll beat her right now. Where is she?” #blessed, you know? What a good send-off for the character.
As for the match, it starts off hot, with Allie not even waiting to get to the ring before she starts a hockey fight. Because Allie isn’t a fricken idiot. The Child Ref is very upset by this turn of events though. (Meanwhile, Sonjay Dutt apparently just joined the company, saying, “Things have gotten really personal amongst these two.” Because, if anything, we’re way past things getting personal for these two.) Both women put in work for the eventual Allie title win — and Allie had to fight back what appeared to be attempted murder from Laurel, with all those curb stomps she ate — and the Impact Zone (and Gail Kim) is so proud of her for said win.
EH: The Damn Numbers Game
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SgR7_0AljA
This match is easily the weakest on the card and not worth discussing — there was literally no reason to book a rematch of the original tag match, and a change to a handicap match didn’t help — until we get to the finish …
ACE/EH: Get Your Rules In
I’m 100 percent here for Brian Cage coming in to save the day. “But he’s not a man in the match!”? Well yeah, he’s not a man at all. He’s a machine. Also, anything to get out of Lashley facing oVe. I will say, I actually buy Lashley having some trouble with oVe (and Sami Callihan), despite the fact that he’s Lashley … and they’re oVe. With the original tag team match with Eddie Edwards, it was Edwards who surprisingly had the easier time dealing with oVe and Callihan’s interference.
Really, this whole story has kind of been a mess post-Lashley/Callihan match. But at least now Cage is part of it, which is actually a relatively quick for a monster, jobber squasher type guy to be introduced into an actual story. I’m used to WWE’s version of it, where they stall for months with the same bit because the monster isn’t actually ready to wrestle a real match; Brian Cage is actually at finished product status coming into this company.
The only EH I’m going to give this plot twist is: This is the price you pay when there are no authority figures. No matter who’s actually in charge, Impact Wrestling apparently does not know how to do things with a middle ground or concept of logic in terms of an authority figure — despite how all you really need is someone who can say yes or no to a match. They always want to throw in a power struggle or blackmail, and in a way, I get it: When you choose the authority figure, it’s most likely someone you’d either want in a storyline or someone who could at least pull off a storyline. Or Dixie Carter. (*rim shot*)
But until Impact has some figurehead at least giving the tiniest illusion it’s not the inmates running the asylum — and when Alberto El Patron is around, it really feels like it is — there’s going to be even more hand-waving or trying to figure out how things make sense in this world.
ACE: Wrestling Is Serious, Part 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbtz3bbsDxw
I didn’t take any notes during this match, because I was too invested in it. I mean, it’s basically what was expected from Austin Aries vs. Johnny Impact, right to the result, right? Both men — especially Aries — wrestle with something to prove, and in this case, it’s to prove they will basically kill themselves to put on a great match. They’re ~serious wrestlers~, even though Johnny Impact walks into the venue with a parade of poorly-dressed refs and that goof Austin Aries has a bunch of championship belts on his body.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5IBwTqwne4
Even better, it doesn’t end terribly like the Bound For Glory main event. They try to tease that it might, with Alberto El Patron showing up in the Impact Zone, despite not having a match. So congratulations to Impact Wrestling for putting on a good (to arguably great) show. It’s sad it’s too difficult to get excited for what that means for the future.
And Now For The Future: Feast or Fired
What a maneuver transition!
EH: Somebody That I Used To Know
LOL. I’m just saying, after all the trouble they went through to change up the commentary team, they didn’t do the same when it came to Jeremy Borash’s role in introducing Feast or Fired (aka the framing device of this entire show). You’ve gotta laugh.
ACE: He Loves To Have Fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7UsI9WRvOY
Sami Callihan versus Fallah Bahh is an interesting (and entertaining!) match to start this particular week’s episode with. The Impact Zone absolutely loves Bahh, and you’ve got to admit, his weird brand of confusion mixed with confidence is infectious. The match peaks at the spot where Bahh stomps his way across the ring (as Callihan rolls away from him), and it gets the point across about the kind of mad man Callihan is. Especially with the way he bites Bahh’s foot to get the upper hand. (He could’ve just had the Crist brothers interfere, but that surprisingly doesn’t happen, despite how much Bahh kicks his ass.) It’s also perhaps the perfect match to start the Feast or Fired episode off with.
Although, it is the type of match that makes me question Impact Wrestling’s kayfabe authority situation: In the world of Impact, is this match a punishment for Sami Callihan from the higher-ups?
EH: The Voice (and Logic?) of Impact Wrestling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cRuzJbvSwU
Maybe Sonjay should be the one who voices non-stop disgust with Sami Callihan from now on. Not only does Josh hating someone only make people want to like them … No, that’s all it boils down to. Cries of Callihan being “the most vile individual on the Impact roster” or how he “should be incarcerated” really doesn’t work coming from a person who counts as — and confirms said status in this very episode — Impact’s resident troll.
Or they shouldn’t have Callihan in a mostly comedic match where he’s on the losing end of it for the most part (and barely wins), immediately after the Eddie Edwards situation. Speaking of, with the post-match stuff, we now see what Callihan had intended with the original baseball bat spot … so now it makes even less sense that Eddie moved the chair down his body, not up it.
EH: One True NOPE
There’s absolutely no reason why the cameraman shouldn’t zoom out to reveal the faux-hawked one as Matt Sydal’s one true spirit guide. (I’ll give Sonjay an ACE for later insulting the fact that failed men’s fashion expert Josh Mathews has officially forgotten how to dress himself. It’s still an overall EH because we have to see that failed men’s fashion expert Josh Mathews has forgotten how to dress himself.) There’s also no reason why anyone should consider any person with a faux-hawk in the year 2018 a one true anything guide. Either way, the visual language of this show still makes no sense when it comes to “surprises!”
On the plus side: At least it’s not Pagano.
Back on the negative side: No, Sonjay. TMZ will not cover who Matt Sydal’s one true spirit guide is. It’s actually kind of embarrassing how much Impact hypes that TMZ (and other outlets) covered the Sami Callihan/Eddie Edwards/baseball bat incident, because it was pretty much all negative press for them. Remember, TMZ works with (or for, depending on your perspective) WWE — so for them to mention the little guys like this, it’s likely not going to be anything good. Oh wait, TMZ did cover Impact for something else recently: Tyrus (in the rare time he’s acknowledged as an Impact wrestler outside of Impact) saying schools should have armed guards! Nevermind, it’s good now.
ACE: Have You Ever Tasted Game Meat?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI3UsucqWJE
I’ve seen people argue both sides of this segment, but I’m going to go with a definite ACE for this “exclusive interview with our world champion.” It makes me really hungry for a good steak, though. (As for bananas … I’d rather have some fried plantain.) First of all, you know ya girl loves “just trying her best” journalist McKenzie Mitchell, which is how kicks this segment off. And then we get Alberto El Patron’s interruption, and gentleman Austin Aries of course thanks Mitchell for just trying her best too. Frantic, not exactly making sense, doesn’t know how to set up an organic conversation Alberto El Patron. You know, the usual. But in a way that works this time.
El Patron turns on the psychotic charm with this segment, shaking Aries’ hand, even calling him “champion.” Yes, he shows someone in Impact Wrestling respect for once. Sort of. And he still makes sure to call poor Eli Drake “paper champion,” because he calls himself “the champion” … as well as Aries. There are two champions in this story, according to El Patron, and they are himself and Aries.
Now, the part of this whole segment that makes people argue whether it’s Actually Good or Actually Bad is the “welcome present” that El Patron brings for Aries, as “a guest of [his] castle”: that very rare steak. (As I’m typing this, I just had to order a steak. I’m weak-willed, baby.) There’s a moment when El Patron is all, “Am I a good man or not?” and Aries concurs, only to make these faces at the poor dead animal on the plate as soon as El Patron turns around:
The entire segment (specifically on Alberto El Patron’s end) is passive aggressive, alpha male douchebag chest-puffing. It’s pro wrestling in a nutshell! It’s fake sincerity and even faker respect, pretending he didn’t know Aries is a vegan. Which, come on: Even if he didn’t have a book about it, simply by virtue of being a vegan, El Patron would know Aries is a vegan. There is an LOLGAY moment on Aries’ part (“You wanna stuff your meat in my mouth? That’s your business.”).
That’s the actual low point of the segment — yet at least highlights the positive nature of thankfully not having commentary talk over these backstage segments — but Aries does get to have his moment of getting El Patron back for real with (re: buying his book), “I don’t really need your money. I’m making the champion’s purse now. You remember what that feels like?” Because El Patron can call himself “the champion” all he wants … but it means nothing if he’s not (kayfabe) making that champion-level money.
Then Aries drinks the red wine El Patron left behind, and I really just hope that’s vegan. Also, the steak I ordered medium rare arrived well done. I’m furious.
ACE: Show Me Love
Remember when Kiera Hogan NOPE’d her way out of Allie’s secret admirer thing, because why on Earth would she care? Well, now that Allie’s the champ, she seems to care about her. I mean, I think her happiness for Allie and her excitement to work with her is supposed to be genuine, but you know how the vultures at Impact Wrestling are. I’m watching you, Kiera. (It really could just be bad acting though. I haven’t actually seen enough of her to be sure, but I’m intrigued either way.)
However, even faker than Kiera Hogan’s newfound appreciation of Allie is Jerk Boyfriend Braxton Sutter the B.S. Man, coming up to Allie with a “Hey, boo.” What’s even cornier (“steady bobbing for apples” level corny, even) than that though is how he acknowledges Kiera’s presence (causing her to go be anywhere but here):
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/974446176081731584
The way he says it, he’s so proud that he remembered her nickname-slash-something about a black person. Again, it’s very corny. Then he tries to “explain” his whole recent tear about how “Allie ruins lives” and that whole trying to marry Laurel Van Ness (and the Knockouts Championship) thing, which Allie has no time for. In fact, she says she needs “some alone time.” I know we all figured that’s what she already had, since they stopped booking Sutter and stopped writing their relationship, but now we have an official request on her behalf for alone time. We also have more of a reason for Braxton Sutter to be a dick. At least, in his own mind.
I’d say, “What was Impact Wrestling thinking making Pepper Parks a white meat babyface?” but that ignores how it made his counterpart Cherry Bomb an “untrained, non-wrestler” and then “the biggest babyface in the company.” And “Cherry Bomb” and “babyface” especially did not compute on paper. Braxton Sutter probably won’t become the biggest heel in the company — commentary won’t and that Brian Cage flattening certainly didn’t help — but now he’s at least in a spot that makes sense. Now to get him out of the X-Division though, because that also makes no sense.
ACE: Show Me Life
I just want to take a moment to remind everyone — once again — that this beautiful battle of words between Jimmy Jacobs and Father James Mitchell is all to set up Kongo Kong vs. Abyss. They’re both doing their jobs perfectly (especially Jacobs, as he’s had to fuel this feud for weeks), and the crowd is 100 percent on Abyss’ (and Grandma Jenny’s) side, but …
It’s Kongo Kong vs. Abyss. A monster in his prime (big question mark, really) vs. a monster most definitely not in his prime. And the latter should’ve stayed gone after the mess known as Bound For Glory. You know, the show that featured Abyss in a terrible Monster’s Ball (and not just because his dance partner was Grado) match, which means it’s not all that exciting that he’ll be in another one. Unless they make sure to highlight the original premise (the 24-hour sequester) … and even then. But like I said, this is an ACE, because of the battle of words between Jacobs and Mitchell. #surreal, you know?
Also, Jimmy Jacobs’ “I poked the wrong bear? James — I am the bear.” line? Hot. Literally the verbal antithesis of the very idea of “Kongo Kong vs. Abyss.”
EH: Psych 101
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofBFgBTlcoI
I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing this Rosemary/Taya Valkyrie video package:
“TO KNOW YOUR OWN DARKNESS … YOU MUST DEAL WITH THE DARKNESS OF OTHERS … IN THAT DARKNESS I STOOD … DREAMING … DOUBTING … FEARING IN SILENCE … SILENCE … IS THE GIFT TO SEE CLEAR … THAT WE WERE SURE TO MEET AGAIN”
Now: Can anyone explain to me how this means anything? And from whose perspective is it? Who is “I” here? If it’s Rosemary (as the video title implies), well she didn’t seem all that concerned with Taya in the woman’s absence. And if it’s Taya, why is she so emotionally vulnerable all of a sudden? Actually, the first two lines of this are just a reworked Carl Jung quote, so is he “I”?
ACE (but still: What Was Impact Thinking?): DOU-BLE COUNT-OUT *clap clap clap clap clap*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEHKwlMMTgY
It’s weird, but every time Rosemary connects with the “hivelings” section of the Impact Zone, it really warms my heart. It of course must also warm the Impact Zone’s heart, as they obviously love Rosemary the most. I mean, some folks try to start a Taya chant — bless their hearts — but it’s really just a fool’s errand.
Also possibly (possibly) a fool’s errand is Impact’s attempt to rekindle the Rosemary/Taya feud. Besides it just being a pit stop on the way to the “Demon Bunny” collision, it doesn’t help that the product seemingly forgot about Taya while they were in Canada (and while they were doing that whole Hania experiment). This is the company that desperately needs to fill for time at all times, and they couldn’t do any interviews or video packages to keep her in fans’ minds while she wasn’t around. I mean, it’s not like she was injured.
But then the actual match — which like I mentioned, ends in a double count-out — features both women attempting to kill each other in order to get people re-invested in the feud, so there you go. The crowd chants “FIGHT FOREVER,” and I’m tempted to agree. Albeit less so when Sonjay inorganically says they’re gonna fight forever right as the segment is literally almost over.
ACE: It’s Official
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=983BemojG5k
NO MORE CHRIS ADONIS!
Sure, it sucks Eli Drake is barely a feature on this show after just being the world champion — and remember, he often played second fiddle to the American Top Team story — but NO MORE CHRIS ADONIS!
ACE: Do You Get It?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HfVXNfyfYg
EC3, with a Winston Bishop-esque cat shirt, lays his future down:
EC3: “Fate. Destiny. Serendipity. McKenzie Mitchell, I ask you this: Do you believe?”
McKenzie Mitchell (she does not): “Sure.”
EC3: “Do you believe in the power of vision?”
McKenzie Mitchell (she definitely does not): “Yes.”
EC3: “I have seen my fate. I have seen my destiny. And serendipity is that case. Because I know which case I must grab. I know which case holds my future. I know which case is the catalyst for my future. Riches, fame, power, glory, a return to where I belong. Champion.”
You see, “serendipity” being his briefcase (and “future”) is funny because he’s obviously getting the “fired” briefcase. Because “riches, fame, power” etc. and “Impact Wrestling” don’t compute, but those things and “WWE” do. Now you get it.
Also, the “now and forever” EC3 (as the unmentioned “then” is Derrick Bateman) is of course because he owns the name now and has it in WWE.
I mean, I guess congrats (?) to Impact Wrestling for simply not caring that EC3 spent his last days in the company openly cutting “I’m going to WWE, boners!” promos. (Their social media has been better about playing along with this and not looking like the butt of the joke.) He’s like a wrestling Deadpool, only Deadpool never gave us anything as bad as that Tyrus match (or Tyrus). The “I’m going to WWE, boners!” attitude has been less enjoyable in his matches, but if Impact doesn’t care, why should anyone else? Oh yeah, that’s the Impact motto!
EH: Enlightenment’s Never Looked Dumber
First of all, “Detective Dutt” sucks. Way to miss that the douchebag you’re sitting next to — you know, the one whose clothes or even him leaving at the right time should’ve been a tip-off — is the douchebag who guides Matt Sydal.
Second of all, wow. I’m shocked. Matt Sydal’s spirit guide is Josh Mathews. Actually, I am shocked: When I wrote about how Lashley and Sydal were dummies who argued over which one of them was the third best wrestler, I thought that was the dumbest the Sydal character could be. Then came his fundamental misunderstanding of the Grand Championship, and I was sure that was the dumbest the Sydal character could be. But now that he’s chosen Josh Mathews as his spirit guide, I think we’ve found the character’s dumb peak. (Impact Wrestling’s dumb peak is having Mathews stay on as a commentator while doing this gimmick, as opposed to replacing him.)
I’m still just waiting to see how they connect Mathews’ overcompensating in his love of Ishimori to this. If they do at all.
ACE: Literal Funemployment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iuy_SOcTXLc
The worst part about this Feast or Fired is the GWN Flashback to the Feast or Fired from Final Resolution 2008, which is so unbelievably hype — especially when it comes to the Motor City Machine Guns and Christopher Daniels (the “FALLEN ANGEL” chants are out of control, even though he’s in the Curry Man gimmick). That and the fact that 2008 found a great way to create tension out of the whole “you have to make it ringside with the case” rule, which is not the rule here in 2018. Also, Shark Boy’s stunners in this match were not great, but Consequences Creed (where’d that guy go?) takes a familiar bump when he’s hit with it. It looks kind of like this:
As for this 2018 Feast or Fired match, the greatest hits (and others, because there’s no way this is all greatest hits):
- Eli Drake’s, now without a “friend,” tries to get back in Tyrus’ good graces. The thing is, he doesn’t offer Tyrus money — the way you do get into his good graces — and as a result, Tyrus offers Eli up to Moose.
- Later in the match, Eli’s delayed sell of Tyrus’ T-bone suplex. Also, Eli Gravy Training everyone he can towards the end. Also, Eli overhead suplexing the hell out of Trevor Lee. (Eli Drake does some good work here.)
- Sonjay Dutt: “Let’s not forget KM. Heh, Minister KM.” Am I allowed to say “I told you so.” from all the time I called out KM looking like a punk in his obsession with being part of ATT? Because he was considered credible for a week — maybe two — in that storyline before returning to joke status. I’m not a KM fan, but I’m not going to pretend Impact Wrestling constantly making the character such an ineffectual loser is a good thing.
- Still, Sonjay is tasked with covering commentary alone for a good portion of this match because of “Enlightened” Josh Mathews, and he actually does a pretty damn good job. Maybe he should just do commentary solo, if they really insist on not replacing Mathews. He even says he hopes Trevor Lee got the “fired” briefcase! Finally! He’s also super Team Petey Williams, which is adorable.
- Rohit Raju is in this match, and while he really tries to stand out here, he still manages to be the most boring part of it. While wrestling Ishimori. I don’t know what to shake my head at more, Global Forged or the Desi Hit Squad.
- There’s no Grand Championship briefcase, by the way, unless you were still thinking that belt meant anything anymore after (or even before!) Sydal gifted it to Mathews in the previous segment.
And so it ends. Four briefcases, with four different outcomes. Petey Williams, Moose, Eli Drake, and EC3. Only one of them gets the briefcase to WWE. Which one will it be? (It’s EC3.)
And now, it is your turn. Please don’t forget to share this recap and also comment, because I actually love reading comments. Crazy, right? Actually, considering the state of this show, it’s not that crazy at all.
