Last time in the last Best and Worst of NXT UK: Travis Banks challenged WALTER for the WWE UK Championship, but came up short in an exciting match. Click here to watch the show on WWE Network. If you’d like to read previous installments of the Best and Worst of NXT UK, click right here. Follow With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter if you want.
And now, the Best and Worst of NXT UK from July 3, 2019.
Best: Paying The Piper
I love it when a heel comes down to the ring and demands that a babyface fight them right at that moment, and then the face is like “Sure,” and they have a match right then. It doesn’t mean very much when Rhea Ripley and Piper Niven do it here, since we knew they were fighting on this episode and had no particular reason to expect it to be later on the card than this (especially since there’s a Tag Title Match to come that was also announced), but it’s a fun way to kick off a show instead of just having the ring announcer tell us the match is happening. Rhea Ripley gets what she wants, and what she wants is to be demolished by a big Scottish woman, and girl, I get it.
The match starts out fast and hard, which means the episode also does, which is what I like to see. The striking sequence reaches its next level when Piper hits a crossbody, and then clotheslines Rhea out of the ring. Ripley responds by pulling Niven out with her, and just beating her as hard as she can. Commentary sells the idea that Piper has a clear strength advantage over Rhea, but the honest truth is that their arms are about the same size, and Rhea’s look more muscular. Piper is considerably bigger overall, but when Ripley has the upper hand for a while, it’s fully believable. When Piper lifts Rhea at Ringside like she’s going to hit a Piper Driver on the floor, for example, Rhea reverses and sends her opponent into the ring post, hard. Then she tosses her back into the ring but fails to get the pin.
By this point, there are dueling chants ringing throughout the Download Festival tent, as both women beat each other as savagely as they know how. Ripley even manages to get Niven into her standing inverted Cloverleaf, but Niven is smart enough to put her weight on her hands against the mat, to relieve some of the pressure. That doesn’t keep her knee from taking some damage, but she still manages to regain control of the match with a belly-to-back suplex.
Rhea almost manages to hit a Riptide, but Piper counters it with a headbutt, drives Rhea into the ringpost, and finally hits the Piper Driver for a pin. Obviously as the newer talent, Piper needed this win, and it makes her look great. But just as importantly, it makes Piper look so strong that it doesn’t really hurt Rhea to lose to her. Rhea Ripley remains a dangerous, brutal villain, but Piper Niven is cemented as a strong, unyielding hero. Wherever they go next, they’re both well-positioned to get there.
Sure, Okay: A German Wolfe In Leicestershire
I can’t quite bring myself to give this a “Worst,” because I’ve been a fan of Alexander Wolfe since Sanity’s NXT heyday, and I love seeing him back in action here. It’s a little weird that he still has his Sanity beard now that he’s a member of the otherwise meticulously groomed Imperium, but it looks great on him and I’m not sure his face could pull off not having it.
The real problem here is that Jack Starz is a such a jobber that it does nothing for anybody to beat him. He’s the guy you immediately defeat when you arrive in NXT UK, like a welcome basket for moving to the neighborhood. Basically, he’s the UK equivalent of American NXT’s Kassius Ohno, since Ohno himself has found a better role in this division. You gotta have jobbers, I get it, but at a certain point you have to wonder why they keep getting matches if all they do is lose. Maybe just let Jack pin Ligero sometime. Nobody will mind.
On the other hand, watching him easily defeat Jack Starz gives us a good look at the new Alexander Wolfe. He looks pretty much the same, despite the loss of those wonderful circus pants he use to wear, but he’s not wacky and unhinged anymore. Now he’s slow (in the powerful-looking way) and deliberate, slamming his opponent on the mat and then stalking around him like an unstoppable beast. So I guess the question is not whether Wolfe pins Starz, which we all knew he would, it’s how he gets it done. And the answer to that is “with a powerbomb, while looking like a badass.”
Promo Time: Mud On Your Face, You Big Disgrace
Kenny Williams barely gets a chance to start his outdoor promo before Noam Dar appears out of nowhere and knocks him into the mud. It’s some great old school brutality on display (this has been a big week for that sort of thing), as Dar just literally rubs Kenny’s face into the ground. Loved it.
We also see Gallus having a meeting about their upcoming match against Bomber Dave Mastiff and his two animal friends, which happens in the saddest-looking interior of a trailer I’ve ever seen (and I’m from Tennessee!). Later in the show, Kassius Ohno appears on our screens to deliver a lecture about British Wrestling history, something he says Mark Andrews doesn’t understand. “Embodiment of the American Ego” is such a perfect heel character for a British wrestling show, and Ohno is spectacular in the role.
Best, But Then It Got Weird: Jazzy Grabert
Speaking of great heel work, I love Jazzy Gabert coming out with Jinny and then having a Handicap Match against two women. Jinny and Jazzy are a team, but there’s no reason for Cowardly Heel Jinny to wrestle when Monster Heel Jazzy can easily beat two women at once. The women in question are local talent Dani Luna and Mercedes Blaze, who must not have known what they were in for.
While Jazzy is beating up Mercedes, Dani gets back in the ring and attacks Jazzy from behind to protect her friend, but she immediately realizes it’s a mistake. I don’t know Dani, but I love the way she yips and yelps like a small animal every time Jazzy hits her and every time she hits whatever surface Jazzy knocks her into. Once Jazzy tosses her effortlessly out of the ring, Jinny signals that it’s time for the match to end, and Jazzy finishes off Mercedes with ease. Then she pins her with the grope-iest cover I’ve ever seen that wasn’t part of somebody’s pervert gimmick. I don’t think Jazzy meant for it to mean anything, but she could have put her hands in all sorts of other places, I’m just saying.
Best: Schnurrbärte Gegen Faschistische Haarschnitte
This would have been a great Tag Team Championship Match. I say “would have,” but it was exactly that for quite a while. The Grizzled Young Veterans are nasty, aggressive men, but Mustache Mountain are the strongest boys in town, and they don’t give up easily. In fact, the whole crowd was chanting “Big strong boy!” (as they should) at Tyler Bate as he got the better of Zack Gibson, after Gibson had given Trent Seven a pretty good beating. One of the things I love about Mustache Mountain is that Bate — the smaller, younger guy — is the powerhouse, whereas Seven — the bigger, older guy — is the one who often needs his protection. It’s not that Trent Seven is weak, it’s just that Tyler Bate is basically British Superboy.
But little does British Superboy know that the Austrian version of The General is coming for him.
Just when you’re saying to yourself, “Are Trent and Tyler going to win the belts on regular TV? It’s starting to seem possible,” Imperium invade the ring and attack Mustache Mountain. It’s brutal, too. Wolfe, Aichner, and Barthel handcuff Trent Seven in the corner, so he can watch his good strong son Tyler Bate get the ever-loving snot beat out of him by WALTER at ringside. WALTER drops Tyler spine-first onto the ring apron (the hardest part of the ring!) like he’s some sort of British Darby Allin. Aichner yells in Trent’s face in German, which is especially nasty since he’s the least German member of Imperium. Alexander Wolf throws the key to the handcuffs into the crowd. By the time they’re done, Tyler is laying motionless at ringside while Trent futilely wails his name. It’s nasty business, which makes it exactly the kind of thing Imperium should be doing.
If this were real life, Imperium would be reprimanded and Mustache Mountain would get another one-on-one title shot after they’re healed up. Since it’s wrestling, I assume we’ll instead get a Tag Team Triple Threat for those titles at Takeover Cardiff. As much as that seems like punishing bad behavior, it’s going to be a hell of a thing to see.
That’s all for this week. Join me next time when Gallus faces Bomber Dave Mastiff and the Hunt in trios action.
