They Replaced The Lady In The Jardiance Commercial And Somehow It All Got More Confusing

OKAY

LOOK

OKAY

I KNOW I KINDA LOST MY MIND ABOUT THE JARDIANCE COMMERCIAL LAST YEAR

I WROTE A WHOLE THING ABOUT IT IN ALL-CAPS

WHICH I STAND BY

BUT I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING

GUYS

THEY REPLACED THE JARDIANCE LADY

LOOK

LOOK AT THE NEW COMMERCIAL THAT STARTED AIRING RECENTLY

WHAT

WHY

THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE OTHER JARDIANCE LADY

SHE WAS ACTUALLY COOL ABOUT IT

THE PROBLEM WAS THE COMPLETELY INSANE COMMERCIAL

AND THE SONG

I KNOW I’M WRITING ABOUT COMMERCIALS A LOT LATELY

BUT COME ON

NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE

WHO IS THIS IMPOSTOR

QUESTION MARK

RESPECTFULLY OF COURSE

I’M SURE THIS NEW LADY IS LOVELY

THAT’S NOT THE POINT

PLEASE DO NOT BE WEIRD TO HER

THE POINT IS THAT THE NEW COMMERCIAL IS JUST AS NUTS AS THE LAST ONE

AND RAISES EVEN MORE QUESTIONS

LIKE, DO THESE COMMERCIALS EXIST IN THE SAME UNIVERSE

THE JARDIANCE UNIVERSE

WHERE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE SPONTANEOUSLY BREAK INTO A CHOREOGRAPHED SONG AND DANCE ABOUT DIABETES MEDICINE

IS THIS THE ONLY SONG THEY HAVE

LIKE IS THE TOP 40 JUST 40 ENTRIES OF “THE JARDIANCE SONG” SUNG BY DIFFERENT PEOPLE

“THE JARDIANCE SONG (TAYLOR’S VERSION)”

THERE’S A THING YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT NOW

SORRY

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

WHAT IS GOING ON

WHY IS THIS COMPANY’S TECH GUY EXPLAINING MEDICINE

THAT’S NOT HIS JOB

THIS IS LIKE THE MAILMAN SITUATION FROM THE OTHER COMMERCIAL

WAIT

HOLD ON

DID HE JUST GOOGLE IT

IS THIS WHY HE’S HOLDING THE COMPUTER

TO READ IT OFF THE SCREEN

THAT SEEMS LIKE A WEIRD USE OF COMPANY RESOURCES

DOES NO ONE ELSE KNOW HOW TO USE THE INTERNET HERE

“HEY MIKE CAN YOU LOOK UP THE SCORE OF THE PHILLIES GAME FROM LAST NIGHT”

THAT IS NOT MIKE’S JOB

HE’S KEEPING THE SERVERS UP

LEAVE HIM ALONE

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

OKAY

PLEASE IMAGINE THIS LUNCH DELIVERY GUY EXPLAINING THIS WHOLE SCENE TO LITERALLY ANYONE

“IT WAS WEIRD I SHOWED UP WITH SOME SANDWICHES AND EVERYONE WAS JUST SINGING AND DANCING”

WHAT DOES THIS COMPANY EVEN DO

WHY ARE THERE ONLY THREE BOXES

WHAT IS EVERYONE ELSE EATING

HEY

LOOK AT OUR GUY MIKE OVER THERE

SHOWING THAT GUY HOW TO USE HIS SMARTPHONE???

JESUS CHRIST

POOR MIKE

HE’S HOLDING THIS ENTIRE COMPANY TOGETHER WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS DANCING

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE

WHY IS THIS MAN STARING AT THE BROKEN COPIER

WHO BROKE IT

WHAT IS HE MAKING COPIES OF ANYWAY

PRINTOUTS OF NEW DANCE STEPS

I MEAN THAT APPEARS TO BE THE ONLY THING GOING ON IN THIS OFFICE

AND EVEN THEN

WHO LEARNS DANCE STEPS FROM BLACK AND WHITE PRINTOUTS

JUST TEXT EVERYONE A YOUTUBE OR TIKTOK VIDEO OF THE DANCE

ASK MIKE FOR HELP

HE CAN TELL YOU HOW TO DO THAT

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

LOL

IT WAS UNPLUGGED

THE COPIER WAS UNPLUGGED

THAT WAS THE PROBLEM

THIS LEGITIMATELY MIGHT BE THE LEAST EFFICIENT BUSINESS I HAVE EVER SEEN

WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYONE’S A1C

WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS IN THOSE DELIVERY LUNCH BOXES

MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP TOO

SOMETHING TO CONSIDER

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

WAIT

HOLD ON

WAIT

WHAT AM I LOOKING AT HERE

WHY DOES THE OFFICE KITCHEN HAVE SLIDING WALLS THAT LOCK TOGETHER LIKE A PUZZLE

WHO THE HELL DESIGNED THIS

M.C. ESCHER

WAIT

IS THAT WHAT THEY DO AT THIS BUSINESS

BUILD AND SELL MOVABLE KITCHENS

THAT DOES NOT SEEM LIKE A PROFITABLE BUSINESS MODEL

I CANNOT IMAGINE MANY PEOPLE NEEDING OR EVEN WANTING ONE OF THESE

WHAT IF YOU ARE JUST HEATING UP SOME SOUP

AND THE WHOLE COUNTER MOVES

THESE PEOPLE CAN’T EVEN WORK THE COPIER

THIS SEEMS NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED

IMAGINE THE EMAILS MIKE GETS ABOUT THIS

“MIKE I BROKE THE KITCHEN AGAIN”

RE: BROKEN KITCHEN “DID YOU CHECK TO SEE IF IT WAS PLUGGED IN”

“AHHH THANKS MIKE”

POOR MIKE

JARDIANCE
JARDIANCE

OKAY

SO FIRST OF ALL

THE DELIVERY GUY IS STILL THERE

HE’S PART OF THE CHOREOGRAPHY NOW

LOOK AT HIM OVER ON THE LEFT

ALSO

IMAGINE YOU WALK IN HERE FOR A MEETING ABOUT A RIDICULOUS INTERLOCKING KITCHEN

LIKE YOU ARE THE CEO OF A FORTUNE 500 COMPANY AND YOU WANT TO INSTALL THEM IN ALL OF YOUR OFFICES AROUND THE WORLD

AND YOU GET THERE

AND EVERYONE IS JUST SINGING AND DANCING IN THE LOBBY

I MEAN

I DON’T KNOW

MAYBE THAT’S HOW THINGS GO IN THE JARDIANCE UNIVERSE

LIKE MAYBE YOU’D BE MORE CONCERNED IF THEY WEREN’T ALL SINGING

“IT SURE IS QUIET IN HERE… ALMOST… TOO QUIET”

DO YOU SEE

DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE

THEY REPLACED THE FIRST LADY AND SOMEHOW MADE IT ALL MORE CONFUSING

I NEED SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO ME

MIKE

MIKE ARE YOU READING THIS

PLEASE

COME EXPLAIN THIS TO ME

YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE