Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or actually spend your time at work *gasp* working instead of surfing the net), you’ve probably heard about the new Mad Max: Fury Road trailer. To recap: it’s two and a half minutes of cars exploding in fireballs that’ll rip your dick off and stuff it down the eye socket of a skull mounted on a steering wheel.
And while the movie doesn’t come out until Summer 2015 (you teasing sons of bitches), the preview is crammed with enough destruction porn/poetry to carry hype along for at least a few months. So join me as we lovingly select morsels of anarchy for your giffy perusal:
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You cover yer car in spikes and it takes out the jumpers. They just impale themselves immediately – it’s a hell of a mess but effective. Unfortunately this whole thing is an arms race. You add spikes to your car, they start grappling onto the spikes. And the really crazy ones still jump onto the spikes … they just do it with bombs now!
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Maurader Tank A and Maurader Tank B are both going 180KPH down Fury Road when Maurader Tank A hits a chain trap and instantly decelerates to 0. If there’s 300 meters between Maurader Tank A and Maurader Tank B, how much time does Maurader Tank B have to move out of the way?
Answer: Not Enough
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At a certain point you’d hope everyone would just stop and take a second to realize how out of control things have gotten. As my good friend JC once said, a gasoline bomb for a gasoline bomb leaves everyone’s rapetruck blown out. Can’t we all just get along? Won’t somebody think of the children??? They’re much easier to catch and eat.
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This is how passing trailers on the highway in a blizzard feels for most of us Northerners right now. That stupid A-hole floating 30 feet above the ground obviously didn’t put his winter tires on.
Long story short, this movie can’t get here fast enough.