The giant black dude and midget who produced The Blind Side and the upcoming Blade Runner remake (Broderick Johnson and Andrew Kosove of Alcon Entertainment) have announced that they’re remaking 1991’s Point Break. But it’s cool, because Kurt Wimmer is writing the sreenplay, and he’s done lots of great movies, like, uh… Salt. And… Law Abiding Citizen, and… Street Kings.
YOU WANNA REMAKE TO GLORY, FINE! BUT DON’T TAKE JOHNNY UTAH WITH YOU! I’M BEGGING YOU! STOP WITH THIS REMAKE, AND I! WALK! AWAY! (*fires gun up in air*) AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (*more gun fire*) AAAAAAUUUUUGHHHHHH (*click click click*) AAAAAAAHUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!
The new version will be set in the world of international extreme sports and also involve an FBI agent infiltrating a criminal ring.
State Johnson and Kosove: “Who doesn’t love the Kathryn Bigelow original and its pure heart-pounding action and thrills? Kurt’s take infuses the story and characters with new twists and settings.” [Ooh, I hope one of the characters is infused with ‘France’! -Ed.]
Adds DeLuca ” ‘Point Break’ wasn’t just a film, it was a Zen meditation on testosterone fueled action and manhood in the late 20th century and we hope to create the same for the young 21st!” [THR]
Let’s get one thing straight: Hollywood already remade Point Break. It was called The Fast and the Furious, and they made five of them (soon to be six). “Did you like Keanu Reeves?? Well we found this guy Paul Walker who’s just as handsome, but an even worse actor and twice as dumb-sounding!” The only thing it was missing was Gary Busey ordering meatball sandwiches. LISTEN YOU SNOTNOSED LITTLE SH*T! I WAS TAKING SHRAPNEL IN KHE SANH WHEN YOU WERE CRAPPING IN YOUR HANDS AND RUBBING IT ON YOUR FACE!
I guess what I’m trying to say is, will this version have Gary Busey? Because it could be about Justin Bieber infiltrating Nick Cannon’s gang of street lugers for all I care, if it has Busey, I’m there, butthorn.