When you write about movie stars and celebrities for a living like I do, you start to get a feel for which of them have the craziest fans. Tom Cruise is up there, but in my experience, no one inspires rambling, insane defenses of a guy you might not have even insulted in the first place quite like Hugh Jackman. Which is why I’m not surprised that it was Hugh Jackman at whom an obsessed fan threw her pube clippings while screaming “I LOVE YOU!” over the weekend. It didn’t work, either, which means I’m going to have to rethink my entire courtship strategy.
She crossed the bikini line.
Oh, New York Post, don’t ever change.
A deranged female stalker burst into Hugh Jackman’s West Village gym and threw an electric razor filled with her pubic hair at him during his morning workout yesterday, police sources told The Post.
She was screaming “I love you!” as a staffer dragged her away from the star.
In her defense, she probably just saw Trance, and shaving pubes totally worked as a seduction strategy in that movie. The caveat is that you have to look like Rosario Dawson.
The actor, who plays Wolverine in the “X-Men” movies, was exercising at Gotham Gym on Washington Street at about 8 a.m. when Kathleen Thurston, 47, bushwhacked him.
The blond stalker, wearing khaki pants and a blue hoodie, was hysterically sobbing as she slipped past the check-in desk at the tiny gym and made a beeline for the actor, said Mike Castle, 35, a Gotham trainer.
“She was crying,” said Castle, who was in the facility’s boxing ring. “I physically removed her from the place, then I called the cops.”
Thurston shouted her desperate declaration of love for Jackman.
Then she reached into her waistband and launched the dirty razor at her obsession.
Jackman thought the unhinged woman was grabbing for a gun or a knife, said one police source.
He backed away as soon as she made a move for her nether regions.
Do you think we’ve reached the best part of the story? Well I’ve got news for you, compadre, we haven’t.
Cops caught up with the woman a few blocks away at West 14th Street and Eighth Avenue, where she was arrested and hauled to the 6th Precinct station house.
The NYPD Crime Scene Unit recovered the weapon and had to pick the hairs out of it to match them with her DNA, the source added. [NYPost]
BOOM, that’s the best part of the story. I especially enjoy the part where it says they HAD to pick the pubes out of the shaver and run a DNA test on them. As if the eyewitness account and probably surveillance footage of the incident weren’t proof enough. “Wait, did you say she threw a shaver at him? QUICK, CHECK IT FOR PUBES.”
Still, part of me really wishes this had a twist ending.
“Mother of God, Jenkins… do you know who these pubes belong to? …That’s right, Abraham Lincoln.” (*dramatic music, quick-zoom reaction shot*)
[photo credit: cinemafestival / Shutterstock.com]
UPDATE: TMZ has a picture of Jackman with his French Bulldog “guard dog,” which is relevant insomuch as it’s adorable.
