Karen Kilgariff is so cool, you guys. She a comedian, actress, writer, musician, and also probably an astronaut. She’s served as the head writer for “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” and “The Rosie Show,” and worked on the national treasure that is “Mr. Show.” And she is so damned hilarious on Twitter that I demand you follow her immediately after reading this list of her funniest tweets.
Um, Karen, are you an astronaut?
10. I thought there was a dead raccoon trapped under the house and then I remembered I switched my deodorant to Tom’s of Maine
9. NEW MOVIE ROLES FOR JEN ANISTON: Yoga prostitute, sex psychic, bra model for the CIA, pole dancing assassin, disembodied torso, raw need
8. It would really help if Netflix added the category “Watchable.”
7. I just tried some PF Chang’s from the frozen food section and now I live in a condo next to the freeway
6. It’s Adam and Steve, you old white fuck.
5. To review, Chrissy Hynde is gonna make you notice her through the use of her:
1) arms
2) legs
3) stah
4) saltine
5) fingers
6) maginashaw
4. TRUE STORY: I walked into a public bathroom last night, looked at the handicapped stall and thought, “Treat yourself.”
3. When birds run it’s like omg what in the fuck are you doing
2. FAKE BREEDS I’VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
1. I called my dad and he texted me back. I guess he just wants to keep it casual.
Previously:
12 hilarious tweets from the amazing Tween Hobo
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Robin McCauley
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Mike Birbiglia
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Vanessa Ramos
10 hilarious tweets from Ted Travelstead
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