Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE Raw: Shane McMahon returned after a six-year absence from WWE, and immediately entered into a McMahon vs. McMahon power struggle for the fate of the company hinging on his ability to defeat the apparently corporately-controlled Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match at WrestleMania. It went from 0 to 100 pretty fast. Also on the show, lots of stuff way less important than that.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for Feb. 22, 2016.
Best: The WrestleMania Main-Event We Should Probably Actually Be Doing
We’re all in agreement that they’re doing this on purpose, right?
Dean Ambrose is the Roman Reigns we’ve always wanted. He’s a guy who was loyal to the Shield, but when they split up, he went in a different direction and became his own thing. He doesn’t dress like The Shield, do The Shield’s entrance and come out to The Shield’s music. When he’s in a Royal Rumble and ends up at the end, he tries his hardest. He gets the crowd excited. He loses, but he loses on his own merit. He tries and fails. He’s sympathetic that way. You don’t just assume he’s going to win becaue a corporate mandate decided he was “the man.” Ambrose can win or lose to anyone on any night, so his wins seem thrilling. When he’s face-to-face with Triple H in the ring, he’s “crazy,” but in a way that makes sense. If Triple H insults Roman Reigns, Roman smirks and comes back with a badly written quip and his catchphrases. He feels like a decision. He feels like a wrestler created in committee. Dean Ambrose has his faults, which we’ve written about many many times before — my cat his more believable strikes than Dean Ambrose, for example — but as a character, he reacts to people like Triple H like we might. H tries to bury him and his gimmick, and Ambrose is just like, “sure, okay, but I’m going to punch you a lot in a second so get your sh*t together.” It’s not Brian Pillman or Stone Cold Steve Austin or Rowdy Roddy Piper … it’s its own bizarre, compartmentalized interpretation of straight-forward crazy that lets you say, “I want to see what this guy says. I want to see what he does.” It feels like it’s happening in front of you, and not the second or third time they’ve rehearsed it. That’s important.
If you look at it from a purely character-based POV, it’s easy to tell why a WWE crowd might boo Roman and cheer Dean. Think of it this way … the Royal Rumble. What happened? Dean came in without a lot of fanfare, worked hard, made it to the end, had a scrappy fight with Triple H. What did Roman do? He got attacked by the League of Nations in the middle of the match (without them actually eliminating him), got carted off to the back for medical attention, then ran back out at the end having missed Brock Lesnar and like 60% of the match. When he still doesn’t win, he complains. When Dean Ambrose gets put through a windshield by Brock Lesnar, he gets in an ambulance and drives back to the arena to take another beating. He’s not Superman about it, he can barely walk … but he’s proud enough to show that as long as there’s a breath in his body, he’s going to be here, and he’s going to fight. Triple H breaks Roman Reigns’ nose and what happens? Roman has to take weeks off for reconstructive surgery. Which one of those guys seems cool and tough?
If you look at it from an obsessive smark POV (which we always do), which guy do you cheer? The guy who has gotten non-stop title shots since the Fall but feels like he’s being oppressed, or the guy who realizes he’s a pawn in a bunch of stressful people’s interpersonal game of chess and asks questions? Who did Triple H want to win that match at Fastlane? Who did he want to not win? What does it mean? Characters asking questions about what’s happening allows the audience to feel comfortable asking questions, and compels the show that created those characters to make sh*t make sense. It’s why exposition exists. Wrestling needs exposition that goes a little deeper than declarations of I Did This, And Here’s Why.
Dean vs. H is dope. More on that later.
Best: Becky vs. Sasha, Or
Worst: Mike Chioda Watches Too Much NXT
I like the idea of putting a match like Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch on early in the show, because it allows the audience to react to it the way they should, and not feel burdened by it two hours into a show they haven’t been enjoying. That happens far too often with the NXT women. We’re expected to think of them like we did when they were killing it on NXT, but now with the added pressure of following Curtis Axel vs. R-Truth or whatever. Two hours of Popeye’s commercials and Todd Chrisley “doing the Todd” in the crowd. At some point you’re just tired of watching wrestling.
Anyway, they opened the show and got a little time, and it was good. It wasn’t the match they had on NXT, but I don’t think it’s supposed to be. Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch are the two of the Four Horsewomen who should be can’t-miss stars. Bayley’s got a gimmick that WWE main roster creative might have no idea how to handle — “might” — and Charlotte’s work runs pretty hot or cold. Becky and Sasha are the jam, though, and allowing the division to focus on them as we build to the first post-Divas Revolution WrestleMania where women’s wrestling’s expected to be an important part of it is crucial.
What I didn’t like was the finish, which makes a little less sense every time you look at it. Becky’s up on the ropes throwing headbutts at Sasha, and Sasha counters with a sunset flip into a powerbomb. Sasha then passes out for some reason and the women pin each other.
First of all, what exactly knocked Sasha out so badly she could throw a sunset flip powerbomb with accuracy but couldn’t keep from going to sleep when it was done? Second of all, did Mike Chioda watch Sami Zayn vs. Samoa joe on NXT and think, “oh, I didn’t know we could do that?” A single referee should never be counting a double pin, or calling for a double submission (like in Zayn vs. Joe vs. Baron Corbin). You need a second referee around to see it from a different angle if you want a disputed decision. A single referee in a situation like this should never, ever see people pinning each other and say “yep, gonna count this out so it’s a draw.” Especially when the competitors are stunned or whatever. What kind of ass officiating is that? Worst case scenario you’d count it, realize what you did and restart the match. I hate that a lot.
Again, though, I like how the placement of the match allowed people to enjoy it for what it was, and those “triple threat” chants sound a lot better than “boring.”
Best: Miz Makes Dolph Ziggler Look Like A Total Piece Of Sh*t
Dolph Ziggler (the character) has no idea how wrestling’s supposed to work. He’s all, “Miz, you don’t deserve to be champion! Your matches aren’t good! My matches are really good, I should be champion!” And I’m like, I don’t know how to break this to you in a way that kayfabe makes sense, but “having good matches” is not in your job description. Ideally you’d want to have very boring, easy matches that you won, because you’re supposed to be a wrestler in a wrestling company trying to win matches. Do you see anybody doing that in other sports? If the Broncos win the Super Bowl, are the Kansas City Chiefs like, “they don’t deserve to be Super Bowl champions because all the games we played had closer scores and were more exciting?” Is Steph Curry a terrible basketball player because he doesn’t make it look like the other team’s going to beat him before he wins? You can’t go dumping that smark sh*t on your character motivations, Dolph. If you’re in it for the art of performance, maybe that’s why you’re not winning more?
It’s always driven me crazy. Shawn Michaels pioneered it in the WWF. When Bret Hart was like, “I’m the best wrestler and I win championships,” Shawn Michaels was like, “I go out there and put on the best match on the show every night!” It’s like … who cares? Kayfabe wise, who cares? As a fan I can appreciate that you’re gonna be in good matches and like you because of it, but that can’t be your character motivation. It just makes you look like a geek.
Anyway, what I’m getting at is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that Ziggler threw shade at Miz for not having more entertaining matches, and then the Miz beat him in like 30 seconds with a f*cking rollup. Genius. Team Miz for life.
Best: Stephanie McMahon Spitting Hot Fire
Heel promos are the best when it sounds like the heel means what they say. Sometimes I’ll vehemently disagree with what a character’s saying, but if it sounds like they mean it, for better or worse, I like it being part of the show. My job isn’t to moderate creative’s decisions as much as it is to react to them, and hope the sh*t they decided sounds believable and makes sense. Even if it isn’t going where I want it to go.
Stephanie McMahon’s promo accepting the Vincent J. McMahon Legacy Award was maybe my favorite part of the entire show. The crowd tried to “what” it to death, because crowds should be uniformly sprayed with silly string every time they open their mouths these days, but it didn’t matter. Stephanie said something that she either actually believes or believes enough somewhere in her brain to make sound real, and I loved it. There’s a lot of legitimately great stuff in here, from Shane not respecting the work she’s put in to him disrespecting her for getting married to one of the boys, to everyone assuming the male McMahon grandchildren are “next in line” instead of her daughters. That is REAL. That is valid.
I’m not always a fan of Stephanie being this big end-all be-all character who gets what she wants and can’t get comeuppance for it, but I really enjoy any time she gets so honest she turns into her dad. Those moments are great. When she’s growling about how she’s the queen and everyone will bow to her, she’s chewing the scenery, but she’s doing it in that wonderful, inimitable McMahon kind of way. Stephanie is objectively the sh*t. She’s a strong woman in a position of power in a masculine industry that caters to the kind of stupid people who’d be threatened by her strength and power. Sometimes you’ve got to tuck your Aggro Crag in your armpit and shoot on these motherf*ckers.
Worst: Kalisto Vs. Alberto Del Rio Continues, Forever And Ever
From the Best and Worst of Fastlane:
Let’s all hope that this means Kalisto is the actual better man this time, no takebacks, and that he gets something fun to do besides “wrestle Alberto Del Rio” at WrestleMania.
From this week’s Best and Worst of Raw:
If I have to sit here and watch Alberto Del Rio spend 25 minutes setting up a post-match Tree of Woe Double-Stomp and think doing a Jeff Jarrett’s Ready For The Figure-Four hand gesture justifies the wait, I’m gonna flip a table and accidentally put King Barrett on the shelf for another six months.
Worst: Luke, Serena, Go Get Me Natalya From Subway
The hands-down worst moment of the night (and possibly the year so far) is Renee Young interviewing Natalya in the most thinly-vieled product placement segment since Tyson Kidd almost masturbated to a trough of Burger King Chicken Fries.
Renee’s backstage all, “Natalya, wow, how do you do it?” and most of us are like, “uh, she doesn’t?” But her answer is that she gets a lot of exercise and drinks a lot of water, and that she also prefers Subway™ brand sandwiches. There’s an unopened Subway footlong and a Subway fountain drink on the shelf behind them. When they’re done talking, Renee just has to kinda stand there smiling like, “wow, I had no idea Subway™ brand sandwiches were so vital to the lifespan of a lady who travels the world to not wrestle and goes home to get pressed about cats on a reality show.”
The never-ending love affair between the highest quality of the low-quality subs and the highest quality of the low-quality wrestling continues. In a related note, I bet CM Punk’s pretty happy he never officially brought on Jared Fogle as his minister of propaganda.
Best: The Ryback, Finally
WWE has never known how to book The Ryback. A guy who looks like that should be just murdering dudes, right? I know we all know that muscles =/= toughness, but in WWE terms it always kinda has, so why should Ryback vs. Adam Rose last more than a few seconds?
I think they’re finally on the right track with him. He wrestles Rose, and at one point just gets sick of wrestling and starts beating him in the face like he’s trying to kill him with a fire extinguisher in Irreversible. The referee steps in and you think it’s gonna be one of those “disqualified for winning too much” castigo excesivo finishes, but Ryback keeps hitting Rose with the back of his hand, scoops him up and Shell Shocks him while the referee scrambles to find a place to stand. When it’s over, Ryback immediately bails without getting his hand raised, and walks straight to to the back.
Allow me to both embolden and italicize this: YES.
This is the Ryback I want. This is the badass, “Goldberg” character I’ve been wanting for years. Roman would’ve benefitted a lot from this post-Shield, I think. It’s very, very easy to get behind a guy who wins his matches with extreme prejudice, feels like a destructive ball of energy and doesn’t stick around to run his mouth and pose a bunch when it’s done. No more Feed Me More. No more bullsh*t. Just the strongest-looking, most muscularly unbelievable human being on the WWE roster wrecking dudes. Yes please.
The response from the Social Outcasts is also predictably great. The Outcasts and Rich Brennan is the new New Day and Eden.
Worst: “[Opponent In Non-title Match] Has Pinned The [Tag Team, Intercontinental, United States, Divas] Champion!”
Speaking of New Day, they get pinned in a non-title match with AJ Styles and Chris Jericho to set up a title match against AJ Styles and Chris Jericho. You’ve seen it before. I’m surprised you didn’t see the same booking decision 3 times in the same episode. Michael Cole shouts “___ has pinned the ____ champion!” more than he says “Michael Cole.”
The match isn’t bad, but I’m eternally wondering why champions losing non-title matches is the only way WWE knows how to build up championship challengers. You’re giving us the match you want us to be excited to see before you’ve let us get excited about it, and by the time we get to the one we should be excited about, you’ve already shown us every possible outcome.
And while we’re talking about the match, I’m starting to get bummed that I’m not enjoying New Day segments more. I like some of the stuff they’re doing online with their League of Nations parodies, particularly Big E as Richie Brennan and Kofi Kingston thinking Irish people sound like pirates, but everything they do on TV’s just that shoulder-to-shoulder-to-shoulder “say booty and laugh at yourselves” gag. I want to like it, but I’ve seen it so much. Let them be fresh and do new stuff on TV. That’s what we liked about them. We didn’t just like the fact that they had a funny word for “butt.”
It honestly reminds me way too much of when TNA figured out that Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian were funny, and ruined it by writing stuff for them so they could be controlled-funny. Humor’s gotta be a little anarchic, I think. It’s gotta go against the grain. Michael Cole saying he was laughing at “the antics” of The New Day is the quickest way to make everyone watching think they’re a little less funny.
Worst: Whatever This Vince/Undertaker Segment Is
“Here’s the Undertaker!”
“I’m the Undertaker.”
“That was the Undertaker!”
That’s the entire segment. I might’ve liked it more if Stephanie hadn’t cut a much better promo with the same material earlier in the night. Stephanie murdered Vince on his own sh*t.
Plus, it still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Undertaker’s like, “the blood of your son will be on YOUR hands, not mine!” And now the story is that Shane is this Regina Spektor-esque poor little rich boy who is in over his head, and may end up being slightly less rich and slightly less powerful. Cool? I feel like we could be going someone so much more fun with it. You know what the least interesting thing about this story is? How the McMahons feel about each other.
Lightning Round!
The show kinda falls off a cliff here, so I’m going to hit a bunch of stuff really fast and get to the cool ending.
Worst: Bubba Ray Dudley takes on one of the Usos, which kinda undermines the Dudley Boyz’ point of, “we aren’t going to hang around doing all the same sh*t you’re used to.” Can they only fight the Usos now? STOP BUILDING FEUDS BY HAVING GUYS WRESTLE EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY. I can’t type that in letters capital enough. When “tag teams wrestle each other in singles matches” is the peak of your creativity, maybe you shouldn’t be having the feud. Just … have the Usos put the Dudleys through tables or something. Have them steal the tables gimmick and make it their own, and have the Dudleys get pissed that the thing they abandoned got picked up and popularized by someone else. Like when you break up with your girlfriend and she does really well for herself, and you’re like, “well, sh*t.”
Worst: R-Truth is still being mean to Goldust, but now he feels kinda bad about it? Hey, remember last week when he baked you a cake that said “I’m sorry” and you shoved it in his face? And just now, when you just started telling him to go f*ck himself before he opened his mouth? Maybe an apology is overdue. Maybe Stardust and Goldust should get back together and beat up Truth and his No Partner.
Worst: Brie Bella is still here, and now she’s feuding with Lana over who has the better husband. I think? Brie’s point is that Lana has never wrestled so she doesn’t get to insult her, but the important followup is, “has BRIE ever wrestled?”
Best: Lana calls Brie a loser, so Brie responds by … losing a match to Naomi. Naomi taps out Brie to that headscissors crucifix choke she’s been using since 2014, which Michael Cole calls “that new submission.” That should probably be its own Worst.
Worst: Michael Cole is terrible and Mauro should have his job. And then Richie Brennan should get his Smackdown job back, and Cole should go live with a nice family on a farm somewhere upstate. A vintage farm.
Worst: Balls-based 50/50 booking. That’s Kevin Owens vs. Big Show. They’re now 1-1 in matches ending in nutshots and countouts. I kinda want to see them tear it up at WrestleMania, but I’d rather Show get stuck in a ladder match with Owens and a bunch of other people I actually want to see. Let him be in there to be big and hold ladders while people with futures do stuff.
Best: Getting Through 3 Minutes Of Freebirds Footage With Only Like 2 Seconds Of The Confederate Flag
I’ll go ahead and give this its own best. Inducting the Fabulous Freebirds is a good and bad idea at the same time. It’s good because they’re important to regional pro wrestling history, and bad because nearly everything they did involved them wearing or waving Confederate Flags, and Michael Hayes has a long, long history of being pretty goddamn reprehensible to his co-workers. I like that they got three minutes of Freebirds footage and Buddy Roberts’ shirt is the only thing they didn’t catch.
They should let Leonard Maltin induct the Freebirds and give one of those “these were a product of their times and some people may find them offensive” speeches he gives on Disney DVDs.
Best: Again, Triple H Vs. Dean Ambrose
Finally, we get back to the good stuff.
Dean Ambrose wrestles Alberto Del Rio, and that’s the least important part of things. Triple H interrupts to “give Dean Ambrose an answer” about whether or not he’ll give him a title match, and orders the League of Nations to beat him up. Ambrose takes yet another beating, already hobbling around with half his body taped up, and H gets in the ring all confident to run him down. Ambrose fights back anyway, because he’s the most awesome and correctly-booked babyface in 2016, and H has to put him down with a pedigree. Thinking he’s got the last word, Triple H is like yer on~!, and that’s that.
Only, that’s not that.
An almost unconscious Ambrose says “thanks” into a microphone, and while I might be exaggerating a little, it’s the most absurd, coolest thing I’ve seen a WWE face do in a long time. It’s so straight-forward. The crowd pops for it because it’s so unusual and endearing, and H is like, “goddammit, now I have to roll up my sleeves and beat this guy to death for not taking the beating and letting me win.” It’s such a complex situation that makes total sense, with badass Triple H thinking he’s winning some grand fight against a guy he not only lured into a 4-on-1 beatdown, but is jumping all over post-Brock Lesnar attack. I wish this is what we were doing at WrestleMania.
I hope they get brave with this story, and Ambrose doesn’t just take a clean loss and get beaten up to give Roman Reigns sympathy. It’s not going to transfer over. Roman Reigns is kind of an entitled dick, right? Would he even care? Ambrose is his “brother,” but Reigns strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn’t really know what that means. Reigns should return angry that Ambrose would try to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship from Triple H before he could, or get revenge before he could or whatever, and that should drive a wedge between them. I’d almost like to see Reigns show up and help Triple H win to guarantee he gets the guy he wants and the match he wants in the main event of WrestleMania, and Ambrose be the guy who thinks personal feelings and emotions and real people sh*t is more important than wrestling matches. Just fold the two announced matches into one, and do Triple H vs. Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar, no holds barred in the main event of WrestleMania. Tell me people wouldn’t care about that.
Also, those four guys all have major issues with Seth Rollins. You can go anywhere with it, and we wouldn’t be able to predict the outcome even if we knew he was doing a run-in five weeks in advance. Just saying.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
Brocky
*Rusev runs out*
Cole: “Perhaps rusev is going to try to talk some sense into the COO”
*Rusev grabs TV monitor, leaves*
Cole: “what?”
Slideshow Bob
If JBL is right and the League of Nations are like the Four Horsemen, then Rusev is Arn and the other 3 are all Jeff Jarrett
Spitty
A recap? Is Vince trying to stop Shane taking over Raw by disguising it as Smackdown?
Stunner Kick
Shane’s appearance next week- 10 minute entrance to the ring. Then, “My blood won’t be on your hands.” Leaves.
Pro Wrestling Gorilla
“So Undertaker’s definitely fired, right?”
– Titus O’Neil
Mr. Royal Rumble, TheCensoredMSol
Undertaker: You didn’t contact my agent when you made this match.
Vince (under his breath): C’mon, Mark, make it creepy.
Undertaker: My agent…Satan??
Vince: Better.
Calzington
“I used to know him! Not anymore, but I used to know him!”
Xavier Woods being aware of his previous life as Consequences Creed. Magic. I think he’s the first WWE person to acknowledge their TNA past. lol.
Harry Longabaugh
And just like Spotlight, Ryback is going to abuse the smaller competition and ignore all complaints about his performance.
XPacEnergyDrink
Breaking News: Matt Hardy is cutting a promo for Arby’s this week on Impact. Which is live from an Arby’s.
TheGunslinger
HHH: Roman is sitting at home breathing through his mouth.
Roman: Jokes on you. I always breathe through my mouth.
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