We already know that WWE’s Dean Ambrose will be out of action for up to nine months following his tricep surgery in December 2017. If you’ve been wondering what he’s has been up to during his time off, Renee Young’s podcast Regular Girls provides an answer: he’s been watching and judging the current season of The Bachelor with the same level of intensity we normally see from the Lunatic Fringe on WWE programming.
Regular Girls is a weekly podcast hosted by Young and comedian Stacey McGunnigle. It’s typically more about fashion, booze, and crystals than pro wrestling, although Brian Kendrick did show up one time to talk about conspiracy theories.
Ambrose, billed on the podcast as “Regular Jon,” had his first full-episode guest appearance a few weeks ago, and said he would return to talk about The Bachelor after declaring most of this season’s contestants “basic bitches.” This week he did just that. I’ve transcribed some of the highlights below, because this is important stuff.
Dean on the appeal of The Bachelor: “Basically, the first episode of The Bachelor is one of my favorite things to watch. A parade of women coming out one by one, all nervous on TV, a lot of them just stupid … ”
Dean on Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr.: “Let’s talk about this guy, Arie. First of all, crap name … Kind of goofy-looking … He sounds a lot like the dopey Amish boy, blonde, from 30 Rock … it’s not cool.”
Dean on Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr., part 2: “He’s a race car driver. He’s shoving this down our throats.”
Dean on how to defeat Bachelor contestants if they try to double-leg you: “Quick sprawl and a good three-quarter nelson.”
Dean on the high number of contestants named “Lauren” this season: “There’s an excessive amount of Laurens.”
Dean on if he would be a good Bachelor: “I’d be the worst Bachelor ever.”
Renee on if Dean would be a good Bachelor: “You would be awful … You wouldn’t talk to anybody. You would sit and drink Jack and diet in a dark room … “