Hulk Hogan Is Already Struggling With Kayfabe In His Sex-Tape Trial With Gawker

WWE legend Hulk Hogan has two things on his mind right now: training for a return at WrestleMania 32, and the history-making sex-tape trial that threatens to wreck Gawker like Jesus in Herod’s Temple.

We can’t comment on the first one (besides a vague, “please, God, no”), but the second is already going like you’d expect. According to reports from Anna Phillips of the Tampa Bay Times, Gawker attorneys are trying to delay the trial, stating that the FBI has only delivered “a tiny fraction of documents” from its investigation. The judge is denying that, repeatedly stating that her court will not become a “carnival,” and has held the trial date at July 6.

Wrestling fans may be wondering how the Hulkster’s adherence to kayfabe is holding up, and you’ll be happy to know the answer: He won’t be able to go by “Hulk Hogan” during the trial, but will be allowed to wear a “simple bandana.” You know, a formal bandana.

Other comments from the judge include:

1. During the trial, Bollea will be unable to “tell something” to Mean Gene and must answer questions directly. Motions to defer a line of questioning to Brother Bruti as it pertains to hanging and/or banging is prohibited.

2. Bollea may not leave the courtroom under suspicious circumstances and have his questions answered by his friend, Mr. America.

3. Bollea must decide how much Andre the Giant weighed at WrestleMania 3 and establish exactly when and why Andre died before July 6. Going forward, any suggestions that Andre broke the fault lines and died because of the body slam will be ignored.

4. Gawker is allowed to ask whether that’s Hulk Hogan’s wife or daughter no less than five times.

I’m sad the Junkyard Dog never had a sex-tape trial. “Mr. Ritter will be allowed to be shirtless in the courtroom and wear a chain around his neck, but the word ‘thump’ on his tights may be used against him.”

We’ll keep you updated on the trial to the best of our abilities, and let you know whether it’s OK for Hogan to call the judge “brother.”