Previously on the Over/Under on Lucha Underground: I realized I’m the idiot who wrote up the entire Cueto Cup Tournament, then took the day off for the finals.
If you need to catch up on the rest of the episodes — if you aren’t caught up, you should need to catch up — you can read about season 1 here, and season 2 here. Season 3 episode recaps can be found here.
Hit those share buttons! Make sure to spread the column around so people can share in our love of all things Lucha, and encourage folks to finally bite the bullet and watch the first two seasons on Netflix. It’s on Netflix. It’s the best Netflix show about biker clones being upset that little people are being let into their club!
And now, the Over/Under on Lucha Underground season 3, episode 33, originally aired on August 30, 2017.
No discussion of this week’s show would be complete without a lengthy explanation of how great it looks when lucha dudes bleed and get their masks torn up. It’s probably the best visual wrestling’s ever created. If you see a guy show up in suspiciously white gear, it’s on. I think it works so well because the mask is supposed to be the character’s “face,” and it’s the only thing we’ve ever associated with their actual face, so when it gets torn up it’s like you’re watching someone get their actual face torn off. It’s like a zombie movie. Like, look at that screenshot. That is horror.
Marty the Moth gives poor Lowest Rated Luchador Argenis the torn mask treatment, ripping up his face and unmasking him to leave him a bloody corpse in the ring. It’s not much of a match, really, but it’s an unforgettable visual. It makes sense, too, because Marty’s currently stalking a lady who’s in love with a masked guy and needs to make a big challenge overture heading into Ultima Lucha Tres.
So of course Pauper Fenix shows up to run him off, accept the challenge, and ask for máscara contra cabellera. That’s mask versus hair, if you missed the weird TripleMania episode of Dora the Explorer.
Join us again in season 4, when Argenis gets one of his legs chopped off so Paul London and a dinosaur guy have a good excuse to wrestle.
Over: We’re The Cueto Brothers And Murder’s Our Game, Found A Secret Warp Zone While Workin’ On The Drain
I love that heading into what will hopefully not be the series finale, Dario Cueto is cutting the shit and getting serious.
On last week’s show, Dario channeled his inner 1997 to cost Rey Mysterio Jr. the Lucha Underground Championship. Mysterio 619’d him in response. I guess that kick made Dario remember he’s got a monstrous, raw-meat-eating and face-munching DEATH BROTHER in a cell on the grounds who’s been in the dark punching a giant question mark for half a season. Cueto’s unleashing Matanza on Mysterio, and he’s doing it on the 100th episode because even a revenge-hungry madman remembers to do good business.
Later, Cortez Castro barges into his office with a kendo stick trying to act all tough and Dario’s like, HOMEBOY I WILL BEAT YOUR FACE IN WITH THIS BULL STATUE. He puts Castro and Joey Ryan in a “Five-O Street Fight” for an Aztec medallion next week. Castro is like, “sure,” because his story’s so far off the deep end that he might as well try to get into a wrestling match and win a bunch of coins.
Over: When You Know Your Opinion Is Wrong But The Internet Has To Hear About It
Joey Ryan got involved with Cortez Castro’s match last week, so he has to face Castro’s opponent from that match, Sexy Star. The major difference is that last week Sexy Star wasn’t public enemy #1 in real life, and this week she is.
If you haven’t been keeping along, she shot on Rosemary during a match at TripleMania and intentionally tried to injure her in pretty much the most cowardly way you can. Long story extremely short, I’m glad the season 3 tapings that happened in 1958 or whatever are almost over, because it’s currently impossible to disconnect what’s going on in AAA with what’s happening on my niche pulp wrestling telenovela.
The highlight is of course Taya, who brings out a Sexy Star sign and trolls her the entire match. They should edit this footage into any remaining Sexy Star match, even if she’s wrestling Taya.
Over: Madness Gets Son’d
This episode’s major story is the conclusion (?) of the Son of Havoc vs. Son of Madness angle. Son of Havoc is a member of a club called The Invisible Cult, aka “The Sons of the Open Road,” where little muscly white guys with giant beards take off their shirts, put black underwear on their heads and drive motorcycles. They’re also pro wrestlers, I guess, or at least “fighters,” so Havoc found his way to the Temple to wrestle. He started off as a loner jerk, but he got into a love triangle with his biker girlfriend and a South African motocross guy and somehow that taught him the value of friendship. Now he’s friends with everyone, including this legendary mini he once invited to his house to hang out with his mom and eat pizza rolls. Another member of the cult, Son of Madness, showed up to take back Havoc’s colors and kick his ass for not upholding the tenets of the club, or whatever.
This week’s episode opens with Son of Madness taking on Mascarita Sagrada, who now has his own Invisible Cult vest because he doesn’t want to be worshipped by a tribe of rabbit guys, but he’ll drive to Sturgis no problem. It’s all angle, with Madness beating up Mascarita until Havoc shows up all pissed to fight him. Cueto doesn’t want any unauthorized biker fighting in his underground lucha libre temple, so he puts them in a “biker brawl” for an Aztec medallion later in the night.
Can I stop for a second and say how much I love that Dario Cueto’s only idea for a match ever is “street fight,” but he keeps adding words to them to make them applicable for whoever’s wrestling? “Oh, there are soldiers in this? It’s a street fight. A WMD match!” “These two cops are going to wrestle? A Five-O Street Fight!” “Two bikers going at it? BIKER BRAWL!” Dude’s most innovative idea ever was a tournament. I’m surprised it wasn’t a BRACKET BUSTER STREET FIGHT.
The Biker Brawl itself is pretty fun, with both guys making good use of the stipulation even though, you know, Marty the Moth literally ripped a dude’s face up in the previous match. The crowd is molten hot for anything Son of Havoc does ever, which helps. I also really liked the finish, in which Son of Madness gives this last sprinting gasp of effort to run up the ropes and smash Havoc in the face with a hammer, only to get a beer bottle broken on his face about halfway up. He falls back, which allows Son of Havoc to hit a shooting star press and win the match.
Son of Madness could be a very good character in season four, especially if Ivelisse and Angelico are too injury prone to write lengthy angles around and Lucha decides to let those hard-to-reach chips go. Add a third guy — suggested name, SON OF WHOA THIS IS CRAZY — and run a full-on biker club trio. Have them ride motorcycles to the ring. Let one of them try to ride a motorcycle down those steps.