The Over/Under On Lucha Underground Ultima Lucha Dos, Part Two

Welcome the second of three episodes (and hour two of four) of ULTIMA LUCHA DOS, Lucha Underground’s season two finale. If you need to get caught up on season two or just want to know what’s going on with the card, check out our ULTIMA LUCHA DOS primer. For Ultima Lucha Dos part one, click here.

If you’d like to read about season one, you can find all of our previous episode reports on our Lucha Underground tag page. For season two, click here.

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And now, the Over/Under on Lucha Underground season two, episode 25: Ultima Lucha Dos, part two of three.

Over: The Old Gods And The New

Last week’s show was one announced match split into four and took up the entire hour. This week’s show is about two, with the first being one of the biggest (at least in number) on the card.

This week’s opener is the Gift of the Gods Championship elimination match, combining a major story from season 2 — Sexy Star’s abduction by the Moth Clan and how she’s been able to deal with it and find strength despite dealing with some pretty hardcore PTSD — with several smaller ones, like Kobra Moon’s infatuation with Daga, Marty the Moth stealing Killshot’s beloved fallen brother dog tags, Siniestro de la Muerte’s transformation into Dr. Doom from one of the bad Fantastic Four movies, and the like. A supplemental “Under” for Matt Striker being unable to say “Siniestro” and just calling him “Sinestra” the entire time.

A few notes:

– So it turns out that Night Claw is (1) definitely not Cage, and (2) pretty dope. He’s — and if you’re the kind of person who gets upset about people getting upset about people getting upset about stuff like this, Lucha Underground is a TV show full of TV characters so the wrestlers are essentially actors playing parts, without the wrestling terminology version of any of that — Dragon Gate and Other Places star Flamita, who is probably pretty happy to not be his AAA character.

Night Claw, who is either BENGALA NEGRO to me or some form of “kitty cat man,” makes a big impression here. He gets the first two pinfalls and gets the spot of the match when he moonsaults off the top of Dario Cueto’s office. I mean, look at this:

He’s also absolutely one of my create-a-wrestlers from 2004. A cat-themed luchador who is basically a pre-existing super hero — lucha libre is big in Wakanda — and he’s got a finisher in every move slot. I’m hoping the guy’s cat connections gets him a story with Prince Puma in season 3, because if Puma doesn’t stay on the show forever, we need a very talented cat guy repping that tribe. Also, I want to see him and Bengala get into a fight in the bathroom because they’re both trying to sh*t in the same box.

– The Daga/Kobra Moon story doesn’t really go anywhere, besides her standing around during the match looking happy about things. I hope the payoff is someone going up to Daga and being all, “what’s up with that chick,” and Daga saying, “oh, I’d like to introduce you to my girlfriend, who is also a snake.”

– The Killshot dog tags beef starts with Marty The Moth putting them down the front of his shorts, and ends with Marty and Mariposa ganging up on him to eliminate him, so I guess that’s not going to have a payoff quite yet. Really hoping season 3 begins with a bunch of zombie army dudes showing up looking for their stuff.

– The major bit here, as mentioned, is Sexy Star vs. the Moths. It comes down to Sexy vs. Marty and Marisposa by herself, and she’s able to gut it out until Marty f*cks up and accidentally punches Mariposa to even it up. I like that Mariposa is the strongest warrior in her tribe, a title passed down from generation to generation, and she lost because Marty punched her. +1 to Mariposa selling it like she actually died.

It comes down to Sexy and Marty, as it should, and Sexy makes him tap, as she should. She got her big revenge against Mariposa in the No Mas match, so this is her chance to “finish it” and bring closure to the story she’s been dealing with all year. She’s defeated them both, proven that they’re both more or less idiots, and now she’s got a title belt that can get her an even better title belt.

Over: LOL King Cuerno

There’s overkill, and then there’s the finish to the King Cuerno and Mil Muertes Death Match.

King Cuerno’s got it rough, because he’s in a “death match” with a guy who is managed by death, professionally improved by death, and has already died twice. So he’s out here trying to toss Mil’s head through glass windows, and Mil’s just shaking it off. I know I wrote a lot earlier today about the logistics of knee damage and why that hurt the believability of a match, but it’s all about context. One match is built around realistic competition and cumulative damage. This one’s built around a zombie trying to kill a hunter for stuffing and mounting his dead body after he lost a match to a face-eating Aztec God in a Jason body.

But yeah, the finish is the greatest. Cuerno hangs in there and looks like he could even win the match, but he makes the mistake of putting his hands on Catrina. That causes Mil to hulk up and basically run him through, powerbomb him through a bunch of tables, then prop him up in the ring like he’s doing a “Finish Him” wobble just to climb to the top rope, jump off and crush his head with a crowbar. It’s times like this I wish the show had a bigger special effects budget and could’ve actually had Cuerno’s head explode.

Rules going forward:

– Don’t tug on Superman’s cape
– Don’t spit in the wind
– Don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
– Don’t mount one of your dead co-workers in your trophy room if he’s got a history of coming back to life stronger and killing you

Under: Mil Muertes Did Not Sing

Was really hoping dude was gonna launch into the chorus of ‘Dreaming of You.’

Over: Vampiro’s Off His Meds

That bottle cap pop-off was fantastic. There is going to be SO MUCH MIEDO next week. Unless I missed it we haven’t been the “room full of strobe lights and Pentagon Juniors” shot from the season 2 trailer, so that’s gonna be something.

Over: RIP Mr. Cisco

Welp, we’re down to one member of The Crew.

The final moments of the show are the payoff to undercover cops Joey Ryan and Cortez Castro putting a wire on Mr. Cisco and trying to get some dirt on Dario Cueto. As it turns out, Cisco isn’t very good at this kind of thing. “Hey boss, it’s me, Mr. Cisco, the wrestler! Let’s do some crimes! I like those. I’m great at doing crimes! Know any crimes we could do? Speak clearly and into the center of my chest.” Dario quickly figures out what’s up — dude works in a building full of TV cameras and hasn’t been caught by the cops yet, so he’s doing something right — and murders Mr. Cisco to death with the red bull statue.

Rest in peace, Mr. Cisco, heaven needed someone to team with Bael.

The show ends with a bloody-handed Dario on the Commissioner Gordon/Batman phone telling someone that “it’s time.” Are we gonna see MYSTERY SMOKER LIMO DEVIL next week in the season 2 finale? It’s times like this I’m really glad there’s an entire season 3 in the can, so I don’t have to do that thing I did at the end of season 1 and prep myself for the worst.