Previously on NWA Powerrr: BIG POPPA PUMP made his Powerrr debut, offering suplexes and general throat-reddening insanity. Additionally, Tim Storm continued to be the greatest babyface in pro wrestling, Colt Cabana continued to be a poor judge of character, and ?THE QUESTION MARK? wore sunglasses over his mask.
If you’d like to keep up with these columns, you can do so on the NWA Powerrr tag page. Remember, NWA Powerrr and all its extra Rs is free to watch on YouTube, so check out episode fourteen if you haven’t already:
This week’s episode of Powerrr is titled, “Strictly Business Takeover,” in case you were wondering how much of it would revolve around Nick Aldis’ increasingly problematic hubris. Last week, he dealt with the problem of Ricky Morton existing and not particularly liking him by offering him a chance to win a shot at Sweet Charlotte®. All Morton has to do is win a six-man tag team match that he can’t personally compete in. And also Aldis’ third man is SCOTT STEINER. It’s a classic Uno move. You hold on to that +2 until your opponent lays down a +2, and then you drop it and make them draw four. Uno says that’s not how the game works, but fuck them, what do they know?
You know how Marty Scurll showed up that one week and was like, “I’m gonna challenge Nick Aldis again,” and then never did and just kinda disappeared? I think it was finance-based amnesia. The direct deposit from Sinclair hit and Marty was like, “nevermind, I’m gonna go buy so many bird masks on Etsy.” Aldis can’t handle being vaguely challenged and having it be forgotten, though, so he and his team invade an Atlanta Ring of Honor show and randomly beat up folks to “send a message” to Marty. They then presumably all got into a mini-van and drove to North Carolina to do it again the following night, but Marty wasn’t around. He’s at the umbrella store, guys. Buying 50,000 umbrellas.
Aldis wastes his best brick wall suit on the ROH fans until Flip Gordon, of all people, shows up to run him off. So now we’re getting Nick Aldis vs. Flip Gordon at Hard Times.
The conspiracy theorist in me hopes Aldis showed up at shows he knew Marty Scurll wouldn’t be on and beat people up to intentionally get a championship title defense against a can like Gordon. What, was the Beer City Bruiser busy?
Back in the Atlanta studios, we finally get a (mangled, barely intelligible) word from Big Poppa Pump.
“EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, I’M PISSED OFF. I WANNA PUNCH SOMEBODY OUT, JUST LIKE, I WANNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE. SO LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE HISTORY LESSON TO ALL YOU WHITE TRASH AND REDNECKS IN THE CROWD, ALL YOU REDNECKS AND WHITE TRASH AT HOME, WATCHING TV, SITTING IN THE COUCH, EATING YOUR POTATO CHIPS, PICKING ALL THOSE CAROLIES, AND BECOMING FAT ASSES, AND I HATE FAT ASSES!”
- I think he was trying to say “calories”
- NWA bleeps out “white trash,” presumably because Scott Steiner’s the only guy tough enough to strap a bucket of avocados to his back and ride a motor scooter through a Trader Joes
When it comes time for the main event, Ricky Morton reveals that he’s supplemented Robert Gibson with Tim Storm, who presumably jumped at the chance to one-up Strictly Business after the shit they’ve pulled on him in recent weeks, and Eli Drake, who presumably jumped at the chance to get away from Mr. Anderson.
What I guess Nick Aldis didn’t anticipate is that yeah, the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express are in their sixties and past their primes, but Scott Steiner is also almost 60 and looks a little more like Superstar Billy Graham at the Strugis motorcycle rally every day. They keep it basic, with Steiner only popping in occasionally to do some big corner chops and a suplex before tagging back out, so it’s fine. The RNRs can still go, though, so Gibson keeps his good eye on the prize and the babyface trio outwits Strictly Business to pull off the victory. The highlight is Kamille (of course) trying to spear Tim Storm again and somehow missing him, and crashing into the ringside steps. I wish they’d gotten a better shot of it, but Kamille is the toughest person in this whole batch of people.
So here’s where we stand: Nick Aldis, due to the fact that he’s the world’s sorest winner and can’t let anything go, is invading other companies and ending up in title defenses against people who don’t work here, and screwing around with tag match stipulations and heel tomfoolery until he ends up defending domestically against an NWA Legend. Ricky Morton is gonna challenge for the damn NWA Heavyweight Championship in 2020, and I’m so ready for it. I know he’s not gonna win, but shit, I hope he wins.
The Television Title Tournament Continues
The brackets for the NWA Television Championship Tournament are revealed this week, and include two “open slots.” You’d think the people who had to qualify for the tournament would’ve fit in those spots, but they’re being reserved for people who aren’t on the NWA roster. All right? Anyway, Ricky Starks and Zicky Dice are both booked against open slots, so they meet each other and exchange some sassy words. Starks says he hooked up with Zicky’s mom and calls him a “broke ass Guy Fieri.” Dice responds with, “I DON’T EVEN GET YOUR REFERENCE,” because he rules. I spent most of this wondering if I’d call their tag team “Ricky Dice,” or “Zicky Starks.”
In actual tournament news, The Dawsons e.x.p.l.o.d.e. in a brother vs. brother match built mostly around Braun Strowman corner running attacks that either connect or miss. That, and punches. The in-ring stuff is never the calling card of NWA Powerrr, but it’s also rarely bad, so I’ll take it. Here, they play off Zane Dawson’s hand injury by having Dave Dawson target it, then get punched in the face with the cast. Going forward, I think both of the Dawsons are going to be a little more Leery of one another.
The Women’s Division “Continues”
If anyone on the show should be given matches and live mic time, it should … [checks notes] not be Melina. After pinning Ashley Vox with the Hog Log, Melina calls out Allysin Kay and challenges her to a World Women’s Championship match. Melina promos sound like an upset customer at a restaurant trying to explain what happened to the manager. Allysin Kay makes it even better by being upset that Melina wants a match next week instead of right now, despite (1) she’s wearing dress clothes and isn’t ready to compete, and (2) the fact that Melina just wrestled. The women’s division is still the iffiest part of these shows, most weeks. When’s Kamille gonna step in and press slam everybody to death?
The Question Mark Is Better Than The Pope
Finally we have Outlaw Inc. getting talked up by The Pope and then losing a tag team match to Shooter Stevens and ?THE QUESTION MARK? More accurately, they lose a match to Shooter Stevens when The Question Mark casually strolls in and kills both Eddie Kingston and Homicide with one strike each. The Question Mark is the One Punch Man of the National Wrestling Alliance. I love that his sudden, instant popularity transformed him from a joke character into the top star of the company and a guy who could win the World Heavyweight Championship if he could hit one jab to the throat on the champion.
The Pope is already disappointed in his choice of a team, Aron Stevens continues rising to the top of the promotion because his friend wields the world’s deadliest karah-tay strike, and the passing boast of Stevens and Mark holding all the championships in the organization seems like it might actually happen. Wrestling is weird!