Watch Scott Steiner Attack A Pierogi Mascot At ‘Legends Of Wrestling’ Night In Pittsburgh

Yes, that is a picture of “a man who owns a restaurant” hitting a Steinerline on an enormous, anthropomorphic pierogi during a footrace at a baseball stadium. Sometimes a story can be too relevant to an author’s interests.

Wednesday night was “Legends Of Wrestling” night at PNC Park in Pittsburgh, featuring some actual wrestling legends and also the Nasty Boys. The custom jerseys are spectacular. There’s so much going on here:

Okay, let’s figure this out. Kurt Angle has 96 because he won the gold medal in 1996, obviously. Booker T is 5 because he’s a 5-time (5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time) WCW Champion. Scott Steiner got 69 because he’s a throbbing boner masquerading as a man. I thought maybe Tito Santana had 74 because that was the year he debuted, but Wikipedia says he didn’t debut until ’77. The Nasty Boys got 13 and 42 because those were the obvious ones left over. How great is it that MLB un-retired Jackie Robinson’s number so “Nasty Sag” would wear it?

Anyway, the highlight of the night (slash our lives) was the Great Pierogi Race. If I’m getting my info wrong here, someone please correct me. During the race, a Stone Cold Steve Austin variant of Sauerkraut Saul goes for the world’s most hilarious Stone Cold Stunner on poor Cheese Chester.

It ends up looking more like an RKO (or a Diamond Cutter, if we’re being accurate) than a Stunner, but come on, he’s a pierogi. You try sitting when your head and torso are unleavened dough stuffed with cabbage.

And of course, because the Pirates are great bookers, Saul gets his comeuppance thanks to Big Poppa Pump. I guess they don’t sell pierogies at Shoney’s.