Dylan Postl (AKA Swoggle) Tells Us Why WWE’s Drug Testing Is Ruining Tinder For Him

Dylan Postl

Dylan Postl, better known to the world for his decade-long tenure in WWE as Hornswoggle, is currently all over the indie scene wrestling as Swoggle. He was booked several times over WrestleMania weekend, and is also running his own Midwest promotion, ACW Wisconsin.

Prior to the most recent PCW Ultra show in Wilmington, Calif., we sat down with Postl and talked about … well, pretty much everything. You can find the entire conversation on this week’s McMahonsplaining, the With Spandex Podcast. This is just an except.

WITH SPANDEX: Did you feel slighted at all that you were included in the 205 Live Cruiserweight title tournament?

Swoggle: I get asked that so much. I think they think like, “Oh, he’s definitely not 205 pounds or less right now.” I mean, it’s not close, but I can see why they’d say that. No, and I wish they would have made mention in some way.

For anyone who doesn’t know, you were the final Cruiserweight Champion until they brought it back.

Yeah. And they never did anything with it, ever. And I just want that real title [belt] they never gave me, ’cause they always said, “We’re gonna bring it back.” I said, “No, you’re not. You’re not gonna do that.” I just want the real one.

You should ask them now, now that they’ve proven that they’re not bringing that belt back.

I’ll just have someone in the warehouse steal it. They got me a replica and it’s … I got my name plate, which is pretty awesome. They did give me that, which is pretty cool.

I’m sad that you didn’t get those customized side plates that they have now.

Those are insane. And they have them instantly done. And they’ll put the WWE logo [on the side] if they don’t have them [already made], but the next week they’re done. It’s crazy.

That was why I was convinced they weren’t going to change the name of the Moolah, because they’d already had the trophy made, probably. And my thought was like, “We already have the trophy made.” But they did change the name, and now they have to get a new trophy made.

It’s very odd to me. Who cares? I mean, people care, I get it. But five years ago even people wouldn’t have cared. It’s just so crazy to me. And then they changed the whole thing because of it. It’s nuts to me. I just don’t understand stuff like that.

But if you were gonna name it, would you name it after Moolah? Or who would you name it after?

I said it to a couple friends of mine that I still talk to very well, [Curt] Hawkins and Tyson Kidd. A couple months ago I said, “Girls Battle Royal this year I bet, the Fabulous Moolah.” And they go, “Oh. Well.” And there were announcers there. I was like, “Oh. I guessed something.”

They took your idea.

In 10 years they didn’t take one idea of mine.

When people meet you at shows like PCW Ultra, what are the things they talk to you about?

Top three: WeeLC, DX, Vince’s son. And how much of a coke bender did you go on to get suspended? No, that’s actually never brought up.

So, how much of a coke bender did you go on to get suspended?

I say it all the time. That’s the one thing I’m sour about is how they all handled that, just [me] not being able to piss, and how they handled the whole situation. But it’s in the past. I’ve moved far on from that. I just hated like … I had a Tinder date one time, and after that she looked me up; she Googled me. And it was of the first things that came up. And I was like … She goes, “Oh, you like doing like … You a big drug guy?” I go, “No. I just couldn’t piss.” She goes, “Oh, okay.” I was like, “I legitimately couldn’t piss.” So, that’s what it’s … It’s ruining Tinder for me. Essentially, WWE’s drug testing is ruining Tinder for me. That’s the headline.

I know the answer to this question, and the answer is that because it’s dope, but why do you think WeeLC resonated with people so much?

Unexpected. People expected it to be us biting each other’s asses on top of ladders. Instead, we beat the piss outta each other and ourselves. It was a lot of moving parts, man. Everyone was so excited. Everyone involved was so excited, between the agents and all the guys involved, we were so excited for everything.

And I remember getting … I say it at every interview. I get to the back and didn’t get ungeared for like two hours. I was like, “This is so awesome.” Easily, maybe my only standing ovation in Gorilla, even from Vince, which made me feel really good about myself. It was awesome. That’s the one where, if someone asks what I do, I give them that. I’ve only watched it once. It’s one of the three matches in my career I’ve watched. I’ve never watched any more than that. I don’t watch my stuff.

Gotta get the SEO working so that shows up before the failed drug test on Google. It’ll fix Tinder for you.

And then it got me an action figure set, which means a lot, because my son’s handprints are on the back of the figure, which is so cool to me. When he was a kid … He doesn’t care about me now, at all. But I’m just dad, and I’ve always been just dad. But when I first came out, he was young, like three or four probably, I don’t know. I don’t know how old he is. I think he’s eight, maybe. Ish. I was like, “Oh man. He doesn’t even realize his handprints are right there.” It doesn’t click with him. And now he shows … His friend comes over, “My handprints are on this,” and his name and everything are on the back. It’s awesome for me. I think it’s definitely cooler for me than it for him at this point.

That rules, though. Especially a guy like you who is big into collecting stuff. I can only imagine how geeked out Curt Hawkins or Zack Ryder are about whenever they get a new figure.

Hawkins, I’m so upset that he doesn’t have one yet because I know the minute he gets one it’s gonna blow him away. I’ll get even more Snapchats from about his daughter playing with it and all that. For us, that’s the number one thing is getting your action figure. I didn’t care about being in a video game. It was awesome. I wasn’t playable, which I was pissed about, but it is what it is. Life tax. But it’s getting a figure … And I remember, every time I would see it, I would buy it, every time. And my family was … That was the coolest thing for my dad, and my grandpa. It was the coolest thing for them when I brought over the first one, because they knew how much I was into it as a kid.

Haven’t you and Torito had a rematch since you’ve been released?

House of Hardcore. We did one … It was the week … Two or three weeks after we got released. Maybe a month. But it was very fast after we got released. My company, ACW Wisconsin, tried to bring him in last year but he got hurt literally three days before, and we couldn’t do it. And it was gonna be awesome for me cause it was my hometown, my company. It would’ve been awesome to do. We’ll see again. But it’ll happen again I’m sure. It was fun. We’ll never recreate that because first off, no one has the budget for 19 tables, and all that stuff.

That’s another thing. Drew McIntyre just flipping through a table for literally no reason. And I remember him saying that in … When we were talking, he goes, “What if we put Torito on there, and I flip, and he just moves?” I said, “And then what?” He goes, “Well, he’ll go through the table.” I go, “But no one’s there.” He goes, “Then I’m done for the match. Like I’m done.” “But no one’s on the table, Drew.” He goes, “Eh. It’ll be okay.” And he jumped so high in the air and literally just demolished him. And then they did the whole ladder spot, when the one ladder literally flipped onto Torito, I thought he was dead. And I’m literally in the ring going, “Oh no. That’s it. Done.” But it’s every moving part and that match is so awesome.

And I remember going through Gorilla, saying, “Thank you,” and all that, and taking it in all there kinda there. And then immediately running to the props truck and saying, “I need a piece of the table.” So they gave me one, and they had everyone sign it. It’s framed in my office.

Who’s your very favorite pro wrestler of all time?

Shawn Michaels.

So how important was it to you to be a part of DX?

Oh, it was insane. I was working with my hero every night, for tours. I was doing DX pyro every night in England and all over the world for like five months. DX pyro is the coolest thing ever. Throwing glow sticks, and literally taking the glow sticks and trying to whip them as hard as I could at the second-tier seats and hopefully catch someone off guard so it hits them. It was the coolest thing of my life.

How often did you do it?

A lot. ‘Cause they weren’t watching me, cause they were watching Hunter and Shawn. So, I was just — fwoom. And I would just laugh the whole way. But it was … Man, that was so cool for me. That came out of nowhere so fast. One day I was working with Chavo [Guerrero], and [Chris] Masters and Evan Bourne, and the next I’m part of DX. And it was off to the races.

Does your kid know that you weren’t able to speak English until Santa Claus gave you that gift?

He hasn’t brought that up to me, yet. He does say … He’ll bring up a match like, “Oh, you weren’t talking then.” And he definitely has seen the Santa Claus thing cause he’s brought that up, but he’s never like, “Dad, why the f*ck couldn’t you talk?” I pitched so many times for different ideas to get me to talk over the years. And then one day they go, “F*cking Santa.”

Doesn’t that make the most sense for your career, kind of?

No. No, it doesn’t. I was 27 years old.

Did you ever think it was super weird that WWE couldn’t decide if you were a child or a full-grown adult?

It was all the time. Literally, one week it was a child, the next week I was a grown-ass adult. I was drinking beer on Smackdown, getting hammered on Smackdown backstage, ’cause they just have me keep doing the takes. And it would bust, and I would bust it on purpose a couple times just so I could keep drinking the Guinness. I finished a four-pack of Guinness during a shoot; it was awesome. Bruce Prichard proceeds to go, “Are you drunk?” “No, sir. I would never drink at work. I would never get drunk.” He goes, “You’re drunk.” I go, “Nah. Meh.” He goes, “How about we stop drinking so much and we actually do this?” And I go, “Ah, okay, I guess.” ‘Cause we just kept topping off the beers.

So, the Torito thing. Our second match, the Payback one with the hair vs. mask, he wore that jersey out, a Chicago Bulls jersey. Someone was not happy at all with him wearing a jersey. Someone that makes a lot of decisions in WWE, makes the number one decision in WWE. “Why is he wearing a jersey?” “It’s the Chicago Bulls, sir.” “He’s a bull, should he be wearing a jersey?” But then, a week before, I cut off his tail. so essentially he should be dead. So that’s life.

Make sure to listen to our full interview with Swoggle on this week’s McMahonsplaining, the With Spandex Podcast.