Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live: We deal with the fallout from Money in the Bank, and it turns out everyone thought having a man win the first-ever historic women’s Money in the Bank ladder match was a turd of an idea. This week, we get the do-over.
Remember that With Spandex is on Twitter, so follow it. Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter. Also, make sure you’re reading the vintage Best and Worst reports.
Hit those share buttons! Leave us comments, spread the word about the column on Facebook and Twitter, and tell everyone in the office you’re not working because you’re busy reading jokes about pro wrestling. This is the good show, so let’s get some conversation going and spark some interest, and, best case scenario, get people to click on a column about something other than Raw and pay-per-views.
And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live for June 27, 2017.
Worst: Didn’t We Do This Last Week?
Last week’s episode opened with Carmella and James Ellsworth explaining why, legally, their win at Money in the Bank should be final. Carmella delivered the material passionately and made good points. Daniel Bryan was even like, “those are legitimately good points, but it turns out I’m stripping you of the briefcase anyway because reasons. Next week we’re doing a Money in the Bank ladder match.” On Talking Smack, he added that Ellsworth would be banned from ringside.
This week’s episode … opens with Carmella and James Ellsworth explaining why, legally, their win at Money in the Bank should be final. Carmella delivers the material passionately and makes the same good points. Daniel Bryan is, again, like, “those are legitimately good points, but it turns out we’re still doing the Money in the Bank ladder match tonight and also James Ellsworth is banned from ringside.” Did we do this entire thing over just to get the “banned from ringside” part on the show proper? Because it seems like you could’ve just mentioned that in passing while the match graphic was on the screen, especially if you were gonna upgrade it to “banned from the building,” especially if you were gonna ignore that completely and have Ellsworth come to ringside anyway.
I’m so blown away by the reality that Smackdown has me siding with Carmella and the most notable Braun Strowman jobber over Daniel Bryan. He’s so condescending right now, didn’t follow through with the “banned” stipulation he set up, and Carmella ended up winning by (spoiler alert) attacking Becky Lynch with a chair. Because the match was no DQ. Is Daniel Bryan gonna take the briefcase away from her again? Is it a Roman Reigns title shot situation where it just keeps happening until he gets the result he wants?
One more thing: James Ellsworth, when it comes to being carried out against your will by security, I’ve seen Bo Dallas. I know Bo Dallas. Senator, you’re no Bo Dallas.
Best: He Ain’t Hype
WWE tag teams don’t stay together these days, and we’ve been predicting the split of the Hype Bros since the second Zack Ryder smirked his orange ass back onto our television screens. I like how it’s playing out, though. The Hype Bros won a shot at the Tag Team Championship, but lost it because Ryder got hurt. Now they had another chance to earn a Tag Team Championship shot, and Ryder lost it for them. He’s the weak link, Mojo. He isn’t hype. Throw him through the Zubaz pop-up shop window or something.
Best: Big E Baller Brand
The rap portion of this week’s Usos/New Day confrontation was brutal and the “rap battle” signed for next week is gonna be even worse — unless they trade Bo Dallas to Smackdown before Tuesday — but I’ve got to give a Best to Big E following up Monday Night Raw’s n-word drama by referencing pro wrestling’s all-time greatest n-word.
And speaking of famous wrestling n-words, next week is the July 4 show. Maybe the Doctor of Thuganomics will preside over the rap battle? I wouldn’t mind seeing some fools get flipped like them clamshell cellular phones.
Best: The Naomi Vs. Lana Match We Should’ve Gotten The First Time
In a night of do-overs, here’s the second Lana vs. Naomi Smackdown Women’s Championship match. Unlike the first attempt, which ended with Lana getting distracted by Carmella and a possible Money in the Bank briefcase cash-in, this one follows a simple format.
Lana jumps Naomi before the bell, and Naomi eats her finisher but kicks out. Lana’s upset, so Naomi recovers, kicks her in the face and hits a split-legged moonsault for the pin. The entire thing lasts about 60 seconds, because Naomi is a veteran and the Smackdown Women’s Champion, and Lana came into this 0-1 lifetime with two championship matches.
Not to diminish Lana as a performer or say she doesn’t deserve to be an in-ring competitor, but lets get the Russian Federation band back together sooner rather than later.
Best: Two Tickets To Paradise
I can’t decide what my favorite part of this is, the fact that Fandango decided to “sweeten the deal” by offering the Ascension Eddie Money tickets — they didn’t take it, they only listen to grindcore thrash metal — or the fact that the Eddie Money tickets are for October 26, 1985. Or maybe the exchange of, “I think we were both good cops there”/”No, Dango, we were GREAT cops.”
Actually, I take that back. My favorite part of the bit is the cheese plate, which contains maybe the most subtle (and greatest) NXT in-joke of all time. I didn’t even notice it until I was told to watch the segment again.
Long before he was ASCENSION KONNOR, Konnor was “Conor O’Brian,” an NXT season 4 rookie who thought he looked like a rat, so he made it his gimmick. He started wearing a shirt that said “RATTITUDE,” cut promos about “cheese, shee?” like a bad James Cagney cartoon gangster, and was once literally led to a poison trap by a trail of cheese. Those days are behind him, but watch when Breeze puts down a cheese plate in front of him. He does a double-take, stares at it, then subtly shakes himself out of it.
And when they pan back to him at the end of the bit, he’s eating the cheese. Masterful. The only way it would’ve been better is if Byron Saxton had said something about it. Maybe Jacob Novak and Lucky Cannon are the guys who wrecked Breezango’s office.
Best: BATTLE ROYAL COMIN’
If you’re a longtime reader of the site, you know what a sucker I am for battles royal, and how I have to put this weird disclaimer before any battle royal that happens. DEAL WITH IT, HERE’S ANOTHER ONE.
We’re getting an Independence Day battle royal to name a new number one contender to the United States Championship, and while AJ Styles is the obvious winner, I kinda hope it’s John Cena just to see Kevin Owens’ head explode. That way we can do Cena vs. Owens at Battleground, have Jinder Mahal win his Indiana Jones playset match, have Cena fulfill his destiny of winning championship #17 from the most anti-United States Guy imaginable at SummerSlam, and have Corbin cash in on him to send him back to La La Land for the fall.
Worst: PUNJABI PRISON ALSO COMIN’
Speaking of Jinder, holy shit, we are actually doing a Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton Punjabi Prison match. The Great Khali brought the match to WWE in 2006, then was found with “elevated enzymes in his liver” and got taken out of it at the last second. It ended up being Big Show vs. Undertaker in a DECORATIVE PIER 1 IMPORTS BAMBOO match, whose highlights are, like most things, best enjoyed set to pop punk. Khali finally got into his own signature match the next year, but as you might’ve guessed, adding the Great Khali to a match doesn’t make it better. I guess we can look forward to the Singh Brothers actually dying on pay-per-view getting backdropped upside down on some 30-foot bamboo spears.
One quick note, though: Jinder Mahal says The Great Khali is “his hero,” but that’s bullshit. The last time we saw them together, Mahal hated Khali and was fully dedicated to ruining his GIANT FOREIGN BONER gimmick. The story was that Mahal was married to Khali’s sister, making them brother-in-laws, and that Khali’s family wasn’t good enough to be Mahals. This would be like Kevin Owens getting traded to Raw, doing a billion steroids and saying Sami Zayn’s his hero.
Sigh, nobody cares, nevermind.
Best: Shane McMahon Remembering That Randy Orton Is A Hypocrite Who Once Beat Up HIS Dad, So Maybe He Should Chill With The Theatrics
Or, “Worst: Shane remembering that, saying BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT and letting it be cool when it really shouldn’t be.” Let’s hope John Cena doesn’t come back next week and pull the same shit. “Hey Randy, one time you pulled my dad out of the crowd during a match and beat him up. But it looks like you really want to beat up Jinder Mahal, so all is forgiven.”
Best: Sami Zayn Vs. Love
Me watching you be in love on social media:
Are Mike and Maria Kanellis wrestlers, or just people in love who go to wrestling shows? Also, the whole “Kanellis” gag would work a lot better I think if Maria had ever actually been “Maria Kanellis” in WWE and didn’t just go by “Maria.”
Sami and Baron Corbin wrestle again, and while that’s always pretty good, they wrestle each other too much. Smackdown should shy away from doing that “only wrestle one person on loop for an entire cycle” thing Raw’s obsessed with. I know Dolph Ziggler’s on your show, but don’t be Dolph Ziggler.
Best/Worst: Take Two
Finally this week we have the Actual First-Ever Women’s Money In The Bank Ladder Match, For The First Time Ever On Smackdown. WWE’s super into “first time ever” lately. It’s a decent-enough attempt to fix the problems from the pay-per-view, but we still have to live with the reality that the image of Carmella climbing the ladder and pulling down the briefcase will never really be a part of the “first ever” ladder match, and even if they stitch it together in video packages, it was a dumb fucking decision to do it the way they did it.
I feel like this is one of those “Daniel Bryan gets buried, suddenly is over and wins the championship” things where that becomes the WWE narrative whether it happened or not. Bryan got buried at WrestleMania, then spent over a year in the lower mid-card as part of a therapy tag team that was supposed to be a joke. We just liked him a lot, and kept liking him until way, way later when they ran out of “look at this stupid asshole” ideas and had him kick ass in matches with guys who could hang with him. The Shield, I’m looking in your direction. But yeah, there was a process. It wasn’t a situation where we jumped the gun on our opinions and didn’t wait for WWE to tell their full story.
Maybe I’m an armchair “ankle-biting critic” or whatever JBL wants to call me, but there’s no way the actual planned story was “have the Money in the Bank match end that way, get everyone in the world including our employees upset about it, then take two weeks to re-do the match with essentially the same finish to get Carmella heat.” That’s what happened, but this shit was a mulligan. I refuse to believe otherwise. The end result is the image of Carmella on the ladder, but it’s fucked up. The first ladder match was better, but had a terrible ending. This one had the right ending, but wasn’t as good of a match.
So to clarify, I’m happy they eventually got to where they should’ve been two Sundays ago, Carmella’s spent the past two weeks desperately trying to prove she’s worth it, and all’s well that ends well, or whatever. But man, how much better would this have been if they hadn’t shat the bed before making history? See how much better this looks?
Seriously. No contest.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Designated Piledriver
“Join us next week for the first ever Women’s Punjabi Prison Match!”
“Now I will climb the ladder like my father Bret Hart did in the first ever ladder match against The Coward Shawn Michaels.”
The Real Birdman
You know what the first MitB was severely lacking? Commercials.
So glad they redid it
“Alright Mike & Maria, you’ll debut and explain your love”
“Sounds good. Then what?”
“…What do you mean ‘then what’?”
Sinclair
If Tamina were a character on GLOW, she’d still only be maybe the fifth best wrestler.
troi
I am shocked that Corbin hasn’t decorated his briefcase with sharpie drawings of wolf skulls and how much Metallica rockz.
pdragon619
What you don’t see is the production guy in the back cursing himself for staying up all night cutting a video package together for a kennel of hell match, woeful of his wasted effort.
Ryse
AJ: Well you suck at Supercard!
Kevin: *runs off crying*
AddMayne
Jinder Mahal: It will be a cut a promo in less than 3 minutes match!
Randy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is bad for me because I am known for wordy promos where I explain every single detail of what has happened to me and my opponent and all of our motivations which of course include…
clintster
Please, Randy, don’t mention “packing your bags.”
That’s it for this week. Leave a comment in our comments section below, and click the social share buttons to spread the word about the column on Facebook, Twitter and whatever else you use.
And hey, join us next week for the patriotic July 4 episode of Smackdown nobody will watch, and again for Battleground to see Randy Orton and Jinder Mahal do chinlocks on one of the sets from Waterworld.
