Where SNL asking Edward Norton to host made little sense, with him having nothing to promote, doing the same for Kerry Washington makes PERFECT sense. Few actresses are as hot as she is right now, thanks to her starring role on the most bonkers drama on TV, Scandal, and also she’s very attractive. And a very gifted comedic performer. She stepped right into the controversy cauldron (more on that later), and walked away without a burn mark. Unlike us scumbags known as TV recappers, who got majorly burned. Well, how about these apples, SNL? This was a very good episode that I enjoyed a lot. Yeah, bet you don’t know what to do with compliments, do ya?
Cold Open
Michelle Obama. Oprah. Beyoncé. But why stop there? Florida from Good Times, Aunt Jemima, Bleeding Gums Murphy sister Bleeding Gams Murphy. It could be some time before another black female hosts SNL, so why not go all out? Anyway, I’m writing this in the present, right after the cold open aired, because I’m afraid to see the reaction the public has to SNL admitting, “Yeah, we have a lot of white dudes.” It’s a bit of a cop out, a form of self-mockery that doesn’t resolve anything, but it was wise of the show to acknowledge the potentially awkward situation right up front, and with a clever enough framing device. (The Al Sharpton kicker was confusing and awkward, though.) ((Ugh, enough of talking about this.)) (((Let’s talk about important things, like Olivia Pope’s coats.)))
Monologue
One Problem Even Olivia Pope Can’t Fix: SNL‘s Monologue, is an headline I wish I could write. Instead, we got a perfectly competent three-minutes in which Scandal was mentioned (check!) and…that’s about it (and mate!).
Career Week Speaker
Two straight weeks of some high profile Nasim action, and hey, neither stunk! Last week, we got vans; last night, she played a hyper optimistic woman from Yemen who doesn’t know what boners are, but still believes in you and your ability to get them. Even if you’re a woman, probably. “Career Week” started slow, but once the sound effects kicked in, I was too distracted by amusing crotch thrusts and PEW PEW PEW noises to grade this objectively. Also, Kerry’s “Respect my ability to assess a bucket!” is just about the most perfect sentence ever.
What Does My Girl Say?
An obvious premise (women be talking, men be creeping) plus a parody of a novelty music video should result in a disaster, but that doesn’t account for the immense enjoyment one gets from watching Jay Pharaoh play someone other than Obama, Jay Z, or Will Smith and Kerry Washington dancing with a pack of dancers in fox costumes…And now I’ve got “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)” stuck in my head again. INSTANT F-.
How’s He Doing?
I might be incorrect here, but I can remember only one other episode with “How’s He Doing?”: the one Maya Rudolph hosted last year. Can’t imagine why. Anyway, this was great, white people do love themselves The Wire (“It’s Not TV, It’s White Guilt”), and us TV show recappers are the worst, most useless people on Earth. Even worse than Marlo Stanfield. Hey, speaking of The Wire…
Miss Universe 2013
It’s funny because all other countries are terrible. Do they even HAVE The Wire in Uganda? Most of the laughs generated from “Miss Universe” were of the shameless variety, but if giggling at Kerry walking around in a strut, forcefully demanding “When are who?” “Who is how?” is wrong, then I don’t want to be right this way to Bolivia, where ladies kiss one another as a drop-the-mic form of intimidation. EES A TRAP.
Weekend Update
I’ll never be able to look at Shaq without thinking “googly-eyed melted bobblehead” ever again.
Cartoon Catchphrase
Maybe it’s the “I watched this episode in a motel in the middle of nowhere Tennessee during an approximately 5,392-hour drive from New York to Texas that I’m still trying to finish, ew, is that a cockroach?” talking, but I needed something loud and I needed something lewd to keep my attention at a double-digit hour, and that’s exactly what “Cartoon Catchphrase” provided. It wasn’t the finest showcase of Aidy Bryant’s talents, and the writing overall was a little sloppy, but, well, Duane. Classic Duane with his classic teeny, tiny condoms.
Booker T. Washington High
If Jay Pharoah hasn’t already bought Kerry Washington ALL the fruit baskets, he’s a goddamn fool. The perennial answer for the “most misused SNL cast member” was everywhere last night, from playing the president in the cold open to dusting off Principal Frye for yet another teachers and students announcement. Frye’s one of the few characters SNL is able to return to this season, and the crowd sounded pleased to have him back. Me, I’ve never been a huge fan, and even the sight of Kerry as a wet, sad clown can’t change that.
Date or Diss
I would watch Bitch Apartment, the would-be sister series to Bitch Hunter on NBC. And Date or Diss, as long as Nichelle, I mean, Michelle is in every episode. For sweeps: she can explain how it is exactly that her bush goes all the way around. For MTV, that kind of programming is like some Downton Abbey sh*t.
Ice Cream
The greatest mind-bending, brain-freezing Michel Gondry short film about ice cream not directed by Michel Gondry.