Vladimir Putin’s Greatest Fear Is Reportedly Not Angering The Russian People Over His Disastrous War But Over A Certain Veggie

Vladimir Putin crossed the one-year point in his disastrous Ukraine war by pulling out of a nuclear pact and sending his talking heads onto Russian State TV to suggest going Lex Luthor on the U.S. He’s angry about the U.S. not worshipping him, and worried about assassination, but reportedly, Putin’s biggest cause for stressing over losing power isn’t military conflict but… the possibility of Russia running out of cabbages?

Apparently so. First the Botox (his fave) began to disappear, and the Viagra supply diminished. Also, Russia lost McDonald’s and put up a very sorry imitation, but Putin reportedly (according to digging from The Daily Beast) fears losing cabbage most. That’s because the cardboard-like-but-resilient veggie has always been there for the Russian people through the worst circumstances. So if cabbage supplies run dry, then you know the Russian sh*t has really hit the fan. Rock bottom, in other words, for the Putin presidency.

The Daily Beast has spoken to sources who claim that there is “videotape” and “lots of it” that shows Putin freaking out over cabbage rations:

Putin’s greatest fear is food; specifically, not enough of it to feed Russia’s 143 million people. Despite bumper harvests, the hair-trigger on Putin’s nightmare is abundantly clear in the black-and-white newsreels of the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution, when another Russian imperium was in large part toppled for its failure to put food on the table.

The Daily Beast has written extensively on this subject, and it’s a report worth reading because, hopefully, this alleged footage shall surface. It could do even more damage than Russian soldiers being told to bring tampons from home because there will be no other way to treat their own bullet wounds on the battle field. Meanwhile, CNN has published video of Russian soldiers begging Putin to help them while they watch their comrades die in droves. It’s grim stuff, and he’s worried about cabbage.

(Via The Daily Beast)