Ted Cruz gave remarks on Tuesday during a Subcommittee on Aviation and Space hearing, of which he is a chair, seemingly backing up President Donald Trump’s call for a Space Force. In his opening remarks Cruz called for a “serious, sober look” for potential future threats on the “space landscape,” citing the fact that the “space domain is more active than ever.”
And then he took things a step further than even Trump has been willing to do, warning of impending “space pirates” as a menace to the galaxy. Like, as in Star Wars and other made-up works of science fiction:
“Since the ancient Greeks first put to sea, nations have recognized the necessity of naval forces and maintaining a superior capability to protect waterborne travel and commerce from bad actors.
Pirates threaten the open seas, and the same is possible in space. In this same way, I believe we too must now recognize the necessity of a Space Force to defend the nation and to protect space commerce and civil space exploration.”
To the surprise of no one, Cruz’s remarks were taken out of context, because — well, space pirates! — and eventually became a user-created Twitter moment as people began mocking him. Then, because Ted Cruz is evidently unaware of how Twitter moments work, he lashed out at Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey to complain about the negative coverage — as if Dorsey himself was somehow personally responsible.
“Hey @jack how come Twitter’s ‘moment’ quotes all the snarky leftists making fun of my comments,” he wrote. “But doesn’t include my tweets in response explaining the real point that NATIONS like China have already developed & tested weapons to destroy satellites?”
Hey @jack how come Twitter’s “moment” quotes all the snarky leftists making fun of my comments, but doesn’t include my tweets in response explaining the real point that NATIONS like China have already developed & tested weapons to destroy satellites? https://t.co/dwkM5ndXj3
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 16, 2019
He then followed up with similar tweets aimed at MSNBC and Yahoo News:
Sure, a frigate w/ skull & crossbones in space is unlikely anytime soon, but what MSNBC conveniently omits is the threat of piracy, espionage & violence from rogue & rival NATIONS is very real. Indeed, China has already developed & tested weapons to destroy satellites in space. https://t.co/fVUZUeWVLj
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 15, 2019
Sure, a frigate w/ skull & crossbones in space is unlikely anytime soon, but what Yahoo conveniently omits is the threat of piracy, espionage & violence from rogue & rival NATIONS is very real. Indeed, China has already developed & tested weapons to destroy satellites in space. https://t.co/0LO6lKPR48
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 15, 2019
As even less of a surprise, Cruz’s temper tantrum did even less to help his case, as you can see from the ensuring madness:
https://twitter.com/HandonthePlow/status/1128867349606666240
This is like a guy who writes Star Wars fanfic yelling at George Lucas for not including his ideas in the latest Star Wars film.
— Mr. Newberger (@jeremynewberger) May 16, 2019
this tweet should help https://t.co/klPRZh0L59
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) May 16, 2019
BECAUSE YOU TALKED ABOUT GODDAMN SPACE PIRATES https://t.co/l0oJF9OJQP
— Rogue NASA (@RogueNASA) May 16, 2019
Learn how to make moments, idiot
— God (@thegoodgodabove) May 16, 2019
https://twitter.com/jamiepastore/status/1128860232954908673
— Nick (GamingPegasus) (@GaminPegasus187) May 16, 2019
“teacher! why do all the kids give me wedgies and never compliment me for my perfect attendance?!” https://t.co/wwWapLOV9F
— jordan (@JordanUhl) May 16, 2019
https://twitter.com/ScottWamplerBMD/status/1128868799283912704
https://twitter.com/inihelene/status/1129033061163831298
dude it’s too late you said space pirates pic.twitter.com/c7jn4M7paE
— kier 🪐 (@eldermourning) May 16, 2019
And others brought up some of his “greatest hits.”
Is “Space Pirates” the name of the porno clip Ted Cruz liked?
Cuz I think this lady was definitely observing an probe of Uranus … pic.twitter.com/H9iYIkYq5P
— #PassTheERA, dammit! (@TheMominatrixx) May 16, 2019
https://twitter.com/blainecapatch/status/1129040698878115840
hey do u guys remember when ted cruz liked a porn tweet on 9/11
— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) May 16, 2019
MSNBC’s Chris Hayes piled on to call Cruz’s tweet “the saddest tweet” he’s ever seen, and the soup king responded with what seemingly passes for “humor” with him:
May Space Pirates devour your liver. 🏴☠️ 🏴☠️
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 16, 2019
You’ve got to hand it to the guy, he really gives Mike Huckabee a run for his money.