If you hadn’t heard, nobody won the already record setting Powerball jackpot on Saturday night. That brings the current total to $1.3 billion, a number that many who play the lottery have never had the chance of seeing. The odds to win Saturday’s jackpot — sitting just shy of $1 billion at $950 million — was an insane one in 292.2 million. Usually this prompts news organizations to put out a list of things you have better odds at encountering, like lightning strikes or being killed by a vending machine — 1 in 112 million, if curious.
We don’t really want to go down that path, especially since it’s been done to death at this point. That’s why we’ve put together a new list of odds that you have a better chance of happening than winning the Powerball with its next drawing on Wednesday.
- Being murdered for your Powerball ticket – 1 in 650,000
- Solving a crime with an animal or pet – 1 in 582,000
- Being struck by lighting while fighting shark that has learned to flop on dry land – surprisingly 1 in 250,000 (they’re learning)
- Zombie apocalypse – 1 in 8 million
- Being shamed by Nic Cage – 1 in 10
- Successfully eating everything on the Golden Corral buffet – 1 in 800,000
- Interviewing “El Chapo” – Even money these days
- Finding evidence that Making A Murderer subject Steven Avery is innocent – All depends who gets there first
- Capturing Bat Boy – This one is impossible because it is the Bat Boy that captures you (in the heart)
Just know that it is likely impossible that you will walk away with the jackpot in this Powerball drawing. You’re up against every fool with $2 to spare in 44 states, Washington, D.C., and two territories — myself included there. And even if you do win, the chances of enjoying those winnings is going to be tough once everybody finds out where you live.
(Via ABC 7 / The Hollywood Reporter)