For the discerning fan who enjoys a good soiree to get pumped for the Super Bowl, do we have the opportunity for you — the Guy Fieri Super Bowl Tailgate Party! Sure, it’ll be hosted by Erin Andrews and promises to feature “25 current NFL players,” but you know and I know why you clicked on an article about a Guy Fieri party. Let’s get right to that menu, and decide if it’s disgusting, amazing, or some alchemical combination of both.
- SUPER STEAK SANDWICH STATION: Slow-roasted California beef sliced thin, served with balsamic onions, pepper jack, horseradish cream on garlic butter toasted sourdough torpedo rolls. (Amazing.)
- WHOLE HOG THROWDOWN: Caja china cooked whole hogs done up right in two tasty styles: Kahlua Pig “Sour or Sweet” Slaw and sauce on soft Hawaiian rolls with crunchy crumbled chicharrones. (Amazing.)
- LOW COUNTRY JAMBALAYA: Cajun chicken sausage, gulf shrimp and smoked pulled chicken jambalaya with dirty rice. (Amazing.)
Hold on, hold on. Is everything on this menu just straight up delicious, rather than grossly overdone? That’s no fun at all! It’s mouth-watering, but we wanted to crack jokes! Maybe we’ll have better luck with the dessert section.
FLAVORTOWN FINALE:
- S’mores Pie
- Mega Rice Krispie treats
- Doughnut Bread Pudding with Brown Butter Bacon Bourbon Glaze
That’s more like it, even if it still sounds delicious. First of all, though “Flavortown Finale” could be Fieri’s longtime name for dessert, but it still sounds like an unholy sex act, the details of which could never be repeated here. Also, try saying “Brown Butter Bacon Bourbon” as if you have a double chin for maximum merriment.
Anyway, for $700, this event is still too rich for our blood, although an open bar does make it that much more enticing. Still, this is a disappointingly-appealing event for one of America’s finest purveyors of foodstuffs that make us alternately proud and disgusted of our country.
