As the central character on HBO’s The Sopranos, Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) was a lot of things to a lot of people. Given his position at the head of New Jersey’s crime family, he may have had a lot of friends (or terrified minions, according to Carmela), but he had even more enemies. Sometimes, the line between the two would blur, as was never more evident than when he would deal with the FBI. Given that there was a certain amount of begrudging respect that developed over time, Tony came to rely on his relationship with the feds and Agent Dwight Harris (Matt Servitto) in particular.
While Tony and Harris would never really become friends, the bond they formed over the course of the show (which you can stream any time on HBO Now), would, in fact, qualify them as frenemies — even though we’re pretty sure Tony Soprano would never use that word. Regardless, the next time you find yourself stuck with a frenemy of your own, take these cues from Tony to help you keep and maintain the upper hand.
“Any quarters you can keep.”
There’s no better way to start off a sure-to-be long-term relationship with a newfound frenemy than a little bit of courtesy masked by a veil of hostility. Such is the case when Agent Harris first meets Tony, showing up in his backyard to deliver a search warrant. When inside the Soprano home, they start looking everywhere for any incriminating evidence, even in-between the cushions of their couch. When Tony finally lets the above comment slip, Agent Harris responds by asking if Tony is trying to bribe him — an equally snappy retort, like any good frenemy would offer.
“The Springsteen box set. I already got it.”
In a situation where you’re about to hear some bad news, it’s perfectly acceptable to react with a little humor; it’s a defense mechanism, really. Agent Frank Cubitoso (Frank Pellegrino) is almost gleeful when, in an effort to get him to testify, he brings a tape to Tony that proves that his Uncle Junior wants to kill him. But while Cubitoso clearly tries to bait a reaction out of him, Tony manages to show some restraint.
“You mind wheeling the trash bins to the curb on your way out? Tomorrow’s pick-up day.”
While Tony’s voice is clearly dripping with resentment, having gone so far as to ridicule a cop’s appearance (a point we’ll expand upon in the next entry), you can’t say he didn’t absolutely make his point apparent when confronted by authorities once again. He probably still had to wheel the trash bins down to the curb himself, though.
“Unless you wanna come to my house and check on my bird bath. Make sure it’s up to code.”
A key element to having a good frenemy is the back-and-forth that must exist. Like the kinship between Tony and the FBI agents assigned to his case. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a level of discourse that extended to uniformed police officers, particularly those who weren’t willing to play along.
Officer Leon Wilmore (Charles S. Dutton) learns this the hard way in the season three episode, “Another Toothpick,” when he writes Tony a speeding ticket that eventually costs him his overtime after Tony complains to a powerful friend. Because of this, Leon is forced work at a fountain store part time. Naturally, he comes in contact with Tony while there, but after all of that, he understandably ignores Tony’s frenemy request.
The car horn.
For those moments when you’re in a hurry and your horn and your hand can say everything you need to say and more.
“What’s the matter, no openings in the post office?”
The pinnacle moment of friendly rapport between Tony and the Feds came on one unassuming day when Agent Harris brought his new partner to Satriale’s Pork Store for a round of friendly introductions with the guys. At once, Tony could come across as the fun-loving host — a role he loved — and be able to let out a little bit of good-natured snark at the same time.
“Could I bank the results on good will?”
After years of mutual aggravation, all the snide humor and passive aggressive remarks go out the window when it looks like Tony may need some help. While he doesn’t exactly lay everything on the table, he does ask what the give-and-take would mean, all while keeping the issue at an arm’s length. Just because you might find yourself at a standing eight count, there’s no need to call the fight. Frenemies or not, however, you will want to get a feel of the situation first, that’s just good common sense.
“We’re gonna win this thing!”
Okay, so this obviously isn’t Tony’s line, but rather that of his longest-running frenemy, Agent Harris, who stays in touch with the Soprano crew even after being transferred to anti-terrorism. Even though the two remain on opposite sides of the law, Harris nonetheless makes repeated offers to Tony, and others in his crew, to exchange information for the privilege of being in the FBI’s good graces. He even hits Tony’s affinity for WWII history, reminding him that “your outfit protected the docs” during that time.
In the end, as Tony’s world starts crashing down around him, Harris relents, delivering Tony the location of Phil Leotardo (Frank Vincent), the man he desperately needed to find. When Harris later hears that his tip had paid off in Tony’s favor, he cheers on the victory with enthusiastic glee, using a quote they borrowed from real-life, no less. That’s the thing about your frenemies — they won’t let anyone else mess with you, they’d rather take that opportunity for themselves.