To call Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) a man’s man would be nothing short of an understatement. For seven seasons on NBC’s Parks and Recreation, with his rugged individualism, his gruff, do-it-yourself know-how, his almost-always present mustache, and ceaseless appetite for meat, Ron embodied everything there is to being manly.
Over time, while Ron’s manliness was never in question, and he went on to show that it was more than a one-dimensional stereotype, proving to be both chivalrous and principled time and again. So, the next time you need to assert your manliness with all its many facets, here are some choice nuggets of wisdom direct from Ron F*cking Swanson.
“I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.”
Ron laid out this overview of his life philosophy after one of his many relapses with his ex-wife, Tammy II (Megan Mullally, Offerman’s real-life wife). Despite that lapse in judgment, what’s more important here than his personal preferences is the fact that he was honest about it. Looking back on both his love-life and his eating habits over the years, Ron certainly stayed consistent. A key aspect to being a man is knowing what you like, and being true to yourself.
“Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets.”
What you drink plays a big role in defining your manliness. Ron lays this out in his usual manner, blunt and to the point. And despite anything you may have learned from 40 years of James Bond movies, there’s no substitute for a glass of nice, stiff whiskey.
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man how to fish and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.”
If you could boil down Ron’s philosophy to a few sentence fragments, this would be it. It almost makes him come off as curt and uncaring, until you realize how easy it is to imagine a young Ron Swanson heading out on his own and actually figuring it out for himself. That’s really the lesson here — the importance of self-reliance. Although that’s not saying you shouldn’t offer up a little help now and again if someone asks.
“I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they could just go outside and stand in it.”
This quote summarizes Ron’s love of nature and, at the same time, his indifference toward art. In Ron’s mind, a scenic painting was simply an unnecessary middle-man, and there are few things better to assert your manliness than spending some good, quality time outdoors.
“Crying: acceptable at funerals, and the Grand Canyon.”
Being manly doesn’t have to mean bottling up your emotions, it just means expressing them at the appropriate time. And, if you follow all the simple steps in the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness, you’ll know exactly when both of those moments are (getting hit by a school bus notwithstanding). The rest of the time, as Ron has been known to advise, it’s best to keep those tears where they belong — hidden away in your tear ducts.
“Okay, you will never hear me say this again, so savor this moment: I may have a compromise.”
Ron understands that exerting your manliness doesn’t have to mean being unreasonable. Of course, Ron also understands the importance of his reputation, so while he’s busy pretending to pull out his own tooth or purposefully forgetting his co-worker’s names, he’s been known to go to bat for the people in his department. He does all this because he believes that part of being a man is accepting the responsibility that comes with your position. He also cares about them as much as he hates circular desks.
“I know what I’m about, son.”
https://youtu.be/K_g_8CGcWrI
Sometimes lunch calls for a party platter that’s designed to feed twelve people, but when that happens, don’t be surprised if the waiter second-guesses you at first. If that’s the case, just remember Ron’s politely assertive response, and you’ve got this.
“I’ll give you that one, but if you do it again…”
After the impromptu wedding of Ben & Leslie (Adam Scott and Amy Poehler, respectively) is crashed by City Councilman Jeremy Jamm (Jon Glaser), Ron steps in to handle it. As he calmly tries to diffuse the situation, it’s only when Jamm has the audacity to push him that Ron returns the gesture with a punch to the face. When Leslie goes to bail him out later, the first thing he does is apologize to her, fearing he’d ruined her wedding. A sincere apology can be a key aspect to your manliness, but only when it’s to the people you care about, unlike Jamm, who got left behind in the cell with a broken tooth.
“If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living?”
Despite Ron’s gruff exterior, it turns out that he’s a true romantic at heart, reminding all of us that not giving up on love is one of the most manly things of all.
And finally, let’s not forget, after Ron left the Parks and Rec department, he moved on to one of the most manly jobs there is.