Mary Charlene, also known as @IamEnidColeslaw (which is the name of the gal from “Ghost World” – I had to look that up because my memory is shot from millions of Christmas cookies) is an elusive creature. She sends out hilarious missives all day long from the far away land known as Chicago, where little else is known about her daily goings on. Sometimes filthy, always funny, here are 10 of Mary’s best jokes.
10. That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.
9. THE WOMAN IN THIS PORNO IS A MORON. HER PIZZA IS GOING TO BE COLD BY THE TIME SHE’S DONE HAVING SEX WITH THE DELIVERY GUY
8. Dylan owns 6 swords. To calculate how often Dylan has had sex, multiply the number of swords he owns by the number zero
7. saw a prettier, taller, thinner girl at the bank so I immediately urinated to demonstrate submission
6. TWITTER GIRLS: IF WE ALL SYNC UP OUR PERIODS, WE CAN DROWN THE INTERNET IN A RIVER OF BLOOD
5. I’ve never been to Coachella but I once got drunk and passed out in an Urban Outfitters
4. today I saw my ex so I quickly picked up my phone & shouted HELLO, BEYONCE? BEYONCE FROM THE HIT MUSICAL GROUP DESTINY’S CHILD? then I ran
3. welcome to Olive Garden! when you’re here, you’re family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can’t you be more like your sister
2. 90% of a relationship is figuring out where to eat
1. Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it. Let’s live in a homeless man’s beard.
Previously:
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Jamie Lee
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Alison Agosti
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Brian Gaar
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Kevin Seccia
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Karen Kilgariff
12 hilarious tweets from the amazing Tween Hobo
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Robin McCauley
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Mike Birbiglia
10 hilarious tweets from comedian Vanessa Ramos
10 hilarious tweets from Ted Travelstead
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