It’s been said that the best way to deal with pain and trauma is through laughter, so it helps to have a side dish of comedy with every Trump tweet that may invoke “Oh God I can’t believe this man is going to president” fears and anxieties. Here to help is Bess Kalb, a writer for Jimmy Kimmel Live and an occasional New Yorker contributor. For a while now she’s been trolling Trump hilariously in the voice of a kindly mother or aunt, or even a fawning wife. Case in point: her tweets in response to the bombshell “golden showers” news that dropped yesterday.
.@realDonaldTrump Honey, did you pee on Russian girls?
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 10, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump Or did you pay the Russian girls to pee on each other, angel?
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 10, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump I'm not mad, but it seems a bit degrading either way, Donald. And the nice people at the Ritz had to clean the up the pee!
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump Remember: Pee on however many sex workers you please, but don't let the Russians use it to bring a nation to its knees!
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
She then followed that up with some responses to Trump’s predictable Twitter rant this morning.
.@realDonaldTrump Uh oh, sweetheart, you sound VERY upset. Now is not the time to project the image you're unhinged!
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump If there's nothing to worry about, there's nothing to worry about! Shouting on the Internet doesn't do anyone any good.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump (It makes it seem like maybe you peed on the Russian girls or they peed on one another for your pleasure, dear.)
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump Oh, angel, sorry I was watching the President's address. When you're arguing "FAKE NEWS" best not to cite "lifezette."
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump Oh good lord, hun. If you can't handle a tabloid kerfuffle, you can't President. I know it's hard. I know. Shhhh. I know.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
.@realDonaldTrump And let's be extremely careful about invoking Nazi Germany in the same tirade you lament a free press.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 11, 2017
BONUS: she tweets at Melania Trump in Slovenian.
She also dismisses trolls effortlessly with wit.
Poor guy just trying to troll in Donald Trump's mentions got murdered in front of everybody pic.twitter.com/NRWnHoRpT1
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 4, 2017
She’s developing a rabid fanbase! Go, Bess go!
https://twitter.com/bessbell/status/819202285917999104
The point of all this is to tell you that you should go back and read Bess Kalb’s entire feed if you need a good laugh and follow her on Twitter. She is truly the best thing about every Trump tweet rant. It’s going to be a long four years, after all. Buckle up. And let’s hope that this new national treasure never stops tweeting at the next President of the United States.