Previously on the Best and Worst of Smackdown Live: Baron Corbin beat AJ Styles straight up, Eric Rowan and Luke Harper returned as the Hammer Brothers from Super Mario Bros., and Sami Zayn answered the question, “why Sami why.” Also, an UCE TRUCE.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Smackdown Live for October 17, 2017.
Best: Samihain
The selling point of this episode is, of course, the glorious awfulness that is Heel Sami Zayn. In the Hell in a Cell report and even last week’s column, we — okay, I — rationalized that while he sided with the show’s worst person and more or less “turned heel,” he was still the same character, and not even necessarily a heel. This episode was like, “LOL, nope, horrible person now.” And you know what? I think I’m good with that.
When pro wrestling gives you something you don’t expect or want, it’s important to ask, “well, is it GOOD?” And not good as in “I like it,” good as in, “do you objectively see the value in this,” or at the very least, “is the performer doing a good job.” I didn’t want Sami Zayn to be a bad guy. I’ve been calling Sami Zayn wrestling’s last actual babyface for YEARS. ESPECIALLY when Bayley got brought up and turned into a sociopath. But if Bayley the performer gave like, 50% what Sami Zayn the performer gave in Smackdown’s opening segment and followed it up with a match like the tag team main event, I’d be like, “sure, okay, this isn’t what I want, but I get it.”
It shouldn’t be surprising that Sami’s as good a heel as he is a face, because he’s just very good at pro wrestling. Him arrogantly skanking alone is worth the price of admission. And as a guy who has been like, NO SAMI, DON’T DO EVEN THE SLIGHTEST SELFISH OR MEAN THING, I was like, “wow, I hope this guy gets his ass kicked” when he kept going in on D-Bry’s retirement. It’s cheap, sure, but that’s what a friendship with Kevin Owens turns you into. The ultimate redemption story here can be that Sami has now lived through what it’s like to not only be beside Kevin Owens, but to BE him. So when it’s time for him to get his shit together and finally become WWE Champion, he’s actually seeking redemption for his bad decisions. If he just gets shit on all the time and is a doormat and wins the championship, what’s he really doing, you know? You’ve got to at least flirt with the dark side to defeat the dark side. Become a monster to defeat the monsters of the world.
After brutally shading Bryan in the opening segment, Bryan puts them in a tag team match against Kingsnake.
Bryan’s really great at selling abject sadness, but I like that he moved past it pretty quickly and remembered to just do his job and get someone to “punch them in the face.”
The actual tag team match is fun, too, as Orton and Nakamura are a surprisingly cohesive unit of Important Guys Creative Has Nothing For. To me, Orton’s always been best when they’ve paired him with someone who can wrestle most of the match themselves, tag him in to let him get his shit in, and force him to have a little fun. Him teaming with Christian was great. So was his run in Evolution, or Rated RKO, or his brief stint in the Wyatt Family. Basically what I’m saying is that while Randy Orton knows what he’s doing, I only really want to see him do it as 25% of a match at best.
The post match HOLD ME TIGHT nonsense is also obviously really great, and while I don’t want to see Shane McMahon on the show ever again, it makes sense that after a couple of weeks of intensive care and self-tanning he’d come back to Condemn Them To A Beating At His Hands™. They should just kick his ass the second he steps out of his limo.
Best: Rusev Day Is Not A Joke
The fact that Rusev and Lana haven’t already been repackaged as fun-loving United States citizens who badly wave flags around before matches, wrestle in American flag speedos and, like, ride to the ring on a motorcycle with a bald eagle in the side car is absolutely ridiculous. Rusev’s got the best comedic timing in the company. “Rusev Day is not a joke” and “NOT THE TIME” are both perfect. Live every day like it’s Rusev Day, y’all.
Also, bless Xavier Woods for bringing back his trombone performance of Rusev’s theme.
Worst: Bore Money
Does anybody want to see Roode/Ziggler III? Raise your hands. Anybody. No hands?
None of this makes sense to me. If you ended their first match with Ziggler trying to hold the tights in an O’Connor roll only for Roode to reverse it and “turnabout is fair play” him with a handful of tights, and you have Ziggler show up on Smackdown yelling about how Roode’s a cheater, why are you doing another match with a tights-holding finish instead of having an apparently brain-dead Roode say, “I held the tights because you held them first, here is the footage” instead of, “OH YEAH, WELL, GLORIOUS.”
Why do you keep sending out new guys to fail in matches and angles with Dolph Ziggler? It ain’t on them. Also, if you’re booking Dolph Ziggler in matches and angles at all, why are you booking Dolph Ziggler in angles and matches. I know a lot of you are always like, “weh, Brandon hates Dolph Ziggler for no reason,” but if you’re enjoying any of this lately, Jesus Christ, you’re a masochist.
Best Worst: Chad Gable And Shelton Benjamin Commit An Unforgivable Act Against Uce And Uce
I hope they kill you for that.
Worst: Baron Corbin Is The Champion That Was Promised
One more time, from our Hell in a Cell predictions:
For the upset, I’m picking Corbin, who becomes the new Bad News Barrett in the process — he’ll spend the next six months losing every single non-title match then will somehow manage to retain on PPV.
So a week after beating AJ Styles clean, here’s United States Champion Baron Corbin losing to the Cinta de Oro version of Sin Cara, a guy who hasn’t been on TV more important than Main Event since like July, in 65 seconds via count-out. The announce team can barely get out, “if Sin Cara gets the win here you’ve GOTTA THINK he’ll be in contention for a title shot” before he’s winning. Enjoy another five months and three weeks of this, everyone.
On the bright side, Sin Cara looked hyped up and good out there. Glad WWE realized they should actually feature a guy if they’re gonna give him custom sneakers and get Reebok and Footlocker to send him around the world as a star.
Best: The Ascension
Pulp Fashion was delightful, but it wasn’t the strongest of the Breezango bits. I think the best part of this entire angle is that it’s gonna get the Ascension over as adorable, gluten-hating Illuminati Satanists who just want to be friends with the weird clothes detectives. FASHION FILES FOUR ASSEMBLE.
+1 for the “it’s obviously the Bludgeon Brothers” line, too. Be careful, Breezango, don’t accidentally wander into any green screen forests and get bludgeoned!
Best: 105 Live
The women’s six-man tag was enjoyable and advanced the Charlotte Flair vs. Natalya beef heading into Survivor Series and/or Starrcade. There are few things more crowd-pleasing than a six-person tag that turns into everyone running into the ring one at a time and hitting signature moves on each other. Dragon Gate turned that shit into art. And hey, Natalya didn’t have to deliver any live dialogue, so this was instantly the best use of her in weeks.
Now Allow Me To Say They Don’t Want None In My Native Language Of Punjabi
Finally this week we’ve got [checks notes] [checks notes again] [checks notes again] Jinder Mahal challenging Brock Lesnar for a match at Survivor Series. And [these can’t seriously be my notes] AJ Styles interrupting him to set up a title defense on Smackdown before Survivor Series? Are … are we …
All right, so let’s go ahead and get comfortable now with the idea that Survivor Series could end with the Singh Brothers distracting Brock Lesnar and Jinder Mahal hitting a Khallas to win. Just kidding, there’s no way that would go on last. And guess what? If Brock wins, you’ve got the champion that’s never on the show and doesn’t like your sport at all pinning your WWE Champion who’s on every week and represents an entire nation. And Brock Lesnar beat Jinder Mahal, so it’s not like that’s gonna help him look any tougher. Oh, and you’re building up Jinder before that by feeding him AJ Styles, instead of having Styles show up in December and yank the belt away from him to set up a Styles/Nakamura thing for WrestleMania. It’s such a no-win situation in every direction. If anybody comes out of the next month of title scene booking looking better than they did before it, it’ll be a miracle. I hope I’m wrong about all of this.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Billy Boy
Still can’t get it out of my head. Hold me close, tiny skanker!!!
The Real Birdman
Orton & KO should just laugh and high five about beating the shit out of Shane McMahon
Imperfectsbest
A lot of people say Dolph Ziggler revolutionized the bathroom match
ccxxii
Oh shit, rumours are true. Jinder isn’t going to let Heath Slater beat Brock.
AddMayne
HOW ARE YOU NOT KURT’S SON
Pencil-Necked Geek
Sin Cara finally got eye holes.
troi
I kind of want Breezango and The Ascension to do these for the next decade without ever actually wrestling.
6forSorrow
Owen/Zayn vs Nakamura/bag of gravel? Sure, I’ll pay for that!
Dave M J
Going from Sami speaking to a recap of a Nattie promo is like going from literally anything to a recap of a Nattie promo.
PhilBallins
*skanks sarcastically*
That’s it for this week. As always, drop us a comment and share the column on your social gimmick, and thank you for reading. Join us next week for the long-awaited return of Shane McMahon!
(Remember when that was a thing we actually got excited about?)
