Comments Of The Week: Top Chef/Fifty Shades Darker Edition

Internet comments are mostly terrible. Every once in a while, ours are kind of funny. Once a week, we recognize the latter.

Before we start with the comments I enjoyed, I just want to point out that from a writer’s perspective, this is the most internet comment of all time (from last week’s This Week In Posters):

Jake Howell: Not really a criticism, but these poster articles are crazy long.

Oh. Okay. Cool? That cab has a dent in it.

From my interview with the lovely and charming Gail Simmons:

Schnitzel Bob: A McGill grad calling it Canada’s best university is about the most McGill thing imaginable.

I don’t really know what that means but it sounds like a pretty harsh Canada burn. And I like that.

From Frotcast 321:

Patty Boots: Godspeed, Jane. Godspeed.

Schnitzel bob: Like her namesake, she lived among the apes for the benefit of humanity.

Ah, we’re apes, I get it. Nice.

Speaking of apes, we had some fun with Kong: Skull Island‘s Apocalypse Now homage in This Week In Posters:

Torgo: What are they going to say about Harambe? Are they going to say he was a kind ape? That he was a wise ape?

Alcoholics Gratuitous: I watched a small child walk along the edge of a guard rail. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare.

Verbal Kunt: I love the smell of flung feces in the morning.

Also from this week’s Frotcast:

Burnsyfan66: Praze jeebus things are back to norms!!  I was starting to worry someone would hurt Vince very bad if he didn’t get the Frot back on track…

Excited to hear Ben’s voice, he’s my favorite ear-raper.  Speaking of which, Jane is moving to my hood??  That’s awesome!

I can’t wait to find her on Tinder.  After years of listening to her inner most wants and desires, what she looks for in a man, etc., I feel like I’d be her perfect match.

I’ll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes.  And tell her things she already knows, so she can say, “I identify with you so much.”.  I’ll make her feel so strong and powerful inside.

And after a month, when she can’t live without me, I’ll propose.

Then I meet all her friends.

“What’s a frog-cast?”, I’ll say, “Oh, you review movies?  Sounds neat, Vince!  Me?  I’m David.  David… Niceman.  Say, why don’t you come stay at our place?  Jane pays the rent, so I don’t think she’ll mind.”.

And after a weekend of partying, Vince will become my Best Man and give me away at the wedding.

(I woulda had Burnsy do it, but he already did the deed at Joe Goodguy’s wedding)

Do you guys realize BurnsyFan66 has been keeping this schtick going since like 2011? I can’t decide whether that’s creepy as hell, he’s an Andy Kaufman-level comedic genius, or both. I’m leaning towards both.

Anyway, this was my favorite comment of this week. From this week’s Top Chef Power Rankings:

OhMyBalls: the chefs were tasked with “cooking a dish that represents your journey here…”

I took an Uber to the set so I’ve combined the aroma of a 2012 Nissan Maxima with the feeling of looking at my phone to avoid conversation. I hope the judges feel as bored as I was after eating my dish.

This is one of those comments that makes me wish I had written that thing instead of someone in the comments beating me to it. Either, I’m just glad it exists.

Nominate for next week in the comments section below (yes, navigating back to this post is hard. I don’t know how to make it easier).