The Best ‘Untitled Goose Game’ Merch, Ranked

Untitled Goose Game had a moment earlier in 2019, taking an excellent but small indie title from an Australian publisher into a best-selling game in which you, a horrible goose, cause havoc in a small town. The game’s simple controls, clean graphics and musical homage to Debussy made it easily accessible for gamers and became a viral sensation thanks to a series of memes that still tumble out of the internet as 2019 finally comes to a close.

But now it’s Christmastime, and many of us need gift ideas with which to grease the unyielding wheels of capitalism. Thankfully, the Untitled Goose Game shop has some great merchandise in it just in time for the holidays, and we’re here to rank the best choice for you to get your goose-obsessed, internet poisoned friends and family.

This is, of course, a completely authoritative list of very important gifts that is exactly correct and will be taking no other suggestions on ordering. Let’s get to it.

6) Untitled Goose Game

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If you’re reading this, you probably have the game already. This is the only reason why it’s ranked last on this list, because getting a lovely postcard with Untitled Goose Game art that happens to have a download code for the game sounds like a great gift for someone who has loved the memes but lacked the ability to honk for themselves. We’re getting back into postcards, folks. Heard it here first.

5) Thumb T-Shirt

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This shirt is very yellow, and the illustration kind of looks like a modern take on an old Bavarian beer label. These are all winners, don’t get me wrong. But this is not the best option out of the shirts.

4) Fuzzy T-Shirt

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Neither is this, if we’re being honest with ourselves. It would be an instant winner if it were not also white, which is the color of a goose. Not a lot of contrast here, and unfortunately no other options. One important thing about this goose, though: it’s flocked. FLOCKED! What a lovely textured, horrible goose.

3) ‘Bonkers’ T-Shirt

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The illustration here is just lovely, and it also gives a full picture of all the dumb mayhem you can cause in the game. It’s called “bonkers” just so they can make a rhyming joke in the product description. Come on now. How could you hate that?

2) ‘Horrible’ Long-Sleeved Shirt

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This might be the trendiest item of the six, and given that Untitled Goose Game is extremely of the moment it’s fittingly one of the best. It would probably confuse a lot of people, too, which is important.

1) Untitled Goose Socks

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Listen: socks are always a curious favorite because most of the time you wear shoes. Especially in public. But this item has something going for it that the game did as well: it looks so visually ridiculous that it’s hilarious. These socks are incredible, and someone should buy them for me.